


girl next door

by klutzybriefing



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Controlling Kylo Ren, Creepy Kylo Ren, Dark Reylo, Darkfic, F/M, Financial manipulation, Kylo Ren & Ben Solo are Twins, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Moving cross-country AU, Multi, Obsession, One-Sided Attraction, Oral Sex, Rey Needs A Hug, Sorry Rey, Stalking, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Fingering, is that a thing?, mentions of forced pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:51:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 46,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22107712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klutzybriefing/pseuds/klutzybriefing
Summary: Rey wins big (if you consider $50k big) on a scratch-off ticket and decides to move across the country for a fresh start.Everything seems great, until she meets her strange and slightly off-putting neighbor Kylo. The old Rey would have brushed him off, but the new and improved Rey decides that he just needs a friend and some platonic encouragement.Things unravel quickly from there, and Rey soon has to grapple with the consequences of her kindness.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron & Rose Tico, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 362
Kudos: 400





	1. new beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> practicing writing in present tense here. if i mess up, i'll fix it on a later read-through!
> 
> i still haven't decided if we'll touch on kylo's pov at all. probably not, but i genuinely love writing it, so we'll see. 
> 
> just a heads up: kylo ren is not nice in this one, even though he thinks he is. for sure a darkfic. don't be mad about this later. ;)

Rey fixes her eyes onto the crumpled note in her hand. She’s been absentmindedly fiddling with it since she’d disembarked her plane, a cramped and shoddy 747 from Atlanta to Boise. Her nose curls with disdain when she realizes she has off-gray stains on her thumb and forefinger from the graphite. Her best friend’s words are hardly readable now, but they’re stitched permanently into her memory. 

_ Good luck, Rey. Your biggest cheerleader, Finn. _

This note was once attached to a handful of roses, and Rey’s memory flits to an image of her unceremoniously dropping them into the trash can outside of security. What was she supposed to do with a bunch of flowers on a plane, honestly? She realizes she would have felt even more awkward clutching them to her chest in the back of her Uber while the driver prattles on about the run-down side of town her new apartment is in. Low rent, great takeout. She’d rented the apartment sight unseen, if a couple of low-quality photographs of shoddy carpet and unconvincing vinyl leading to a galley kitchen counts. She's trying to escape a mundane, meaningless existence on the East Coast, no need to put much thought into it. 

She thinks she’d be lucky if the apartment truly sucks; then she’d have some semblance of motivation to escape its walls. She won’t rot away in Boise, even if it gets cold as hell in the winter. 

The idea of snow excites her. Real snow. She’s still tuning out the driver when he mentions Ethiopian cuisine, and her nose curls with excitement. Spicy food, freezing cold. Though she’s not going to get much of the latter for a few more months. It’s the middle of June, and the mountains she’s eyeing are green and seem almost deceptively fertile. 

She decides that the mountain behind her apartment complex will be her first stop for exploration—she was promised good hiking trails, that was half the reason she chose this out of the multitude of other listings. She also needs to case out the locals, figure out where she can get some decent bud in a place like this. With the state of the building she’s staring at, she’s sure she’ll figure that out soon. 

“This the right place?” The driver asks, and Rey fights the urge to shrug. Hell if she knows. She scans the horizon for a sign, some sort of landmark she might recognize, and finally eyes the leasing center. It looks familiar, but she knows that they all look the same anyway. 

Worst case scenario, she’ll call another Uber. 

“This is me, yeah,” Rey nods impatiently and pulls her purse over her shoulder. It only holds her ID, some credit cards, a cashier’s check for first month’s rent _and_ security deposit (damn her credit), and a few sticks of gum, but she’s pretty sure that’s all she needs to start a new, positive, non-toxic life. 

The driver is out and yanking her suitcase out of the trunk before she can protest. Great, now she really has to tip, she thinks as she takes the handle. The man tips his hat at her and continues prattling about food—she wishes he’d start talking about drugs instead—and she silences him with an awkward wave and a tug on the retractable handle of her suitcase. He seems to take the hint well enough, and she’s marching towards the leasing office with a renewed sense of confidence in her wake. 

“Rey. Rey _Palpatine._ P-A-L-P-A—“

The woman behind the counter waves a hand to stop her. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve got it right here,” she practically groans. 

Rey squints at her name-tag. _Kaydel C._

Stupid name. 

Kaydel types a bit longer, chomping her gum obnoxiously as she goes. Rey considers grabbing her by one of her stupid buns and launching her face into the keyboard—an intrusive thought, her therapist had told her—and fights a smirk at the idea. These things used to frighten her, but she’s more than used to the way her brain relates to the world now. 

“I just need the cashier’s check—“

It’s Rey’s turn to cut Kaydel off now. She slides the money order across the counter with a curt nod, and the woman stares at it like she’s suspicious, then pops her gum again. 

“Apartment 134. First floor, first building to the left.” Kaydel brandishes a keyring and twirls it around her fingers absently. “You did all your paperwork online, right?”

Rey nods. 

“Want me to walk you over?”

Yes, Rey would love that, but she would prefer to exude independence to this oddly rude employee. 

“I think I can manage,” Rey huffs, and Kaydel tosses her the keyring with a shrug. 

“The short key is for your post office box. All the information you need will be on the kitchen counter. That should be everything; have a great day, Miss Taltatine.” 

Rey decides to let her have the last word. It’s not the worst way her last name has been intentionally butchered—she shudders at the memory of _Palpapeen_—and she turns on her heel to finally see the place she’s legally obligated to call home for the next fifteen months. Normally she would be even more rude right back, but she's trying this new zen thing. Giving people the benefit of the doubt and all that, really trying her best to be a better person. 

The first thing she notices is that two of the living room bulbs are blown. This obstructs her view as she kicks off her travel shoes. She’s been worried about cockroaches, but the place smells clean and tidy and welcoming, like someone took extra care to prepare it just for her. 

Why couldn’t they bother to replace the lights while they were at it?

She scans the dimly lit room for imperfections, satisfied that nothing really screams at her. Her eyes immediately flit to the tiny kitchen. She can see into it, surprisingly enough. The countertops have an obnoxiously brown, faux-marble plastic covering that makes her want to retch. The microwave and refrigerator are ancient and black, but they’ll do just fine. She tries to abate her shock when she realizes that a $550/mo, pre-furnished apartment on the outskirts of Boise actually has a dishwasher. 

The rest of the apartment is normal. She decides she’s pleased with it, since it could have been worse, all things considered. Living alone in 660 square-feet is basically paradise compared to the studio the size of a utility closet she’d shared with Finn in Gwinnett County. Same rent, too. 

She opens the blinds over her sliding balcony door and lets the light wash over her. It’s nice, she thinks, to have something of her own. She’d won $50k on a scratch-off two months ago, and this was her reward: a new life. One that doesn’t make her want to die. 

Now she just needs to find a job before she blows through the money. Her resume isn’t impressive, and she isn’t looking forward to the application process, but she has the convenient excuse of waiting three or four days for a technician to come set up her Wi-Fi before that really starts weighing on her. For now, she’s in vacation mode. 

She’s rifling through her suitcase for her running shoes and sliding them over her travel-weary feet before her mind can catch up and protest. She _will_ explore that mountain, she isn’t going to let her brain convince her that laying in the apartment’s pre-furnished twin bed is going to be better than getting fresh air. 

Rey’s hardly finished locking her door when she turns around too quickly and nearly stumbles over a man that’s suddenly appeared behind her. She’s at eye level with the loose black t-shirt hanging off of his chest at first, and when her eyes flit upwards to catch his gaze, she almost blushes. He’s clearly tall, but he’s also intense looking and handsome, if unconventional and physically imposing men are your speed. She stutters out an apology while her eyes rove over his features. Nose is a little too big, lips are a little too plush, eyes are a little too warm. It works, but barely. 

“I’m your neighbor,” he begins by way of explanation. He motions to the door across from hers. 135. Had he been standing outside for long? His voice is too deep and almost makes her ears ring. “Need any help moving?” 

“No, just brought a suitcase,” she chuckles. For some reason she’s uncomfortable, but she finds herself offering up personal information anyway when her hand shoots itself out into the space between them. “I’m Rey.” 

“Kylo. I actually work IT for this complex and a few others under the same leasing company,” he offers. His hand wraps around hers and it’s huge and clammy and Rey all but jerks hers away when he lingers too long. He doesn’t seem to notice. “Where you from, Rey? Do anything interesting for work?” 

“No, I’m happily unemployed for now. And I’m from Atlanta.” 

“At-LAN-tuh,” he repeats. She wonders if he’s pronouncing it strangely on purpose. “You know it snows here, right?” 

She stifles an eye roll. “I’m fully aware.” 

“Just checking. I heard all about Snowmaggeddon a few years ago.” 

“Yeah, me too,” Rey flashes her best conversation-ending grin and starts stepping away. He’s following her now, they’re already to the stairs leading to the apartment’s designated courtyard/dog-park/pot-smoking teen hangout area. She bristles a bit and her thoughts range from screaming out loud to kicking him in the shin to make him stop. “Well, I’m off for a run. It was nice to meet you, Kylo.” 

She’s walking backwards down the stairs and waving. He’s finally stopped moving at least, but she can see his eyes taking her in from her ankles to the middle of her thighs, where her running shorts end. She’s never felt more exposed than she does under the gaze of those intense brown eyes, and the thought makes her heart pound. He’s either a complete and utter weirdo or high off his ass. Maybe both. 

Perhaps this apartment complex was a mistake after all. She’s going to have to ask around when she meets the other neighbors. 

“Be careful, Rey,” he calls down, still staring her down. He’s so tall, having him look down at her like this feels like a threat against her life. “There are some real creeps out here.”

_Yeah, no kidding._

“Yeah, I’ve—I’ve got pepper spray,” she stutters out as both a warning and consolation. She really can’t tell anymore. “So, uh… bye!” She breaks into a sprint before he can respond, and she hopes it comes off as natural. If there’s anything weirdos hate, it’s feeling like a weirdo. She knows that much. 

She’s glistening with sweat when she gets back an hour or so later. Half of her expects Kylo to be sitting on the stairs waiting for her, and that half is beyond relieved when the corridor between their units is empty. The other half is still bristling with apprehensive nervousness. She fumbles with the lock and slams the door behind her, immediately rifling through her suitcase for her travel-sized soaps and loofah. She needs to wash off the airport and Uber ride and Kylo and the run before she can process anything else. 

It takes two bowls of microwaveable mac and cheese—courtesy of the apartment complex—but she’s feeling better a few hours later. Calm, centered, and much less sticky. She’s been curled up in the corner of the couch, which smells vaguely of old people, for a few hours and her hair is almost dry despite having never been brushed. Whatever. That’s a problem for future Rey. She decides that Kylo was harmless, and that her instincts are overly heightened after growing up in foster care in the inner city. Boise is nothing like Atlanta; she’s already read online that people are a little too friendly out here. Besides, she’s cute, and most of the people in the complex are either employees or over well sixty from what she’s seen. She shouldn’t have been so put off by him checking her out. It was harmless. Kylo was harmless. Strange, but harmless. 

Her thoughts shift from her odd neighbor to the fact that she’s in a city where she knows absolutely no one. Finn is due to visit in a month or two, but no sooner, and she needs company. Preferably female company, but she could also do with something less platonic to pass the time between now and when she’ll finally be gainfully employed. 

She remembers Finn telling her about a dating app with a feature specifically dedicated to finding friends. It takes a few minutes, but she’s finally tracked it down on the app store and is filling out her profile over her third portion of mac and cheese. Is she zesty and zany and looking for fun? No, that’s dumb. She’s new to the area and wants to meet like-minded friends, much better. She likes art and reading and UFC. Well, Finn likes UFC, she just casually spectates. 

She huffs and deletes it all. All they need to know is that she’s new to the city and she likes to have fun. Honestly, this could help her find a plug sooner than later, and the more details she adds, the more she seems like a narc. 

After a few hours of mindless scrolling, she matches with a 24 year old woman named Rose. She’s enrolled at a local college for Business Administration. Life dealt her a rough hand, too, apparently; she’s getting a late start but loving every minute of it. This all sounds promising to Rey, and she finds herself penning a message before she can talk herself out of it. 

She shoves her phone between the couch cushions and considers going back for a fourth round of artery clogging noodles with fake cheese, but her thought flow is interrupted by a series of buzzes from her phone. Rose has responded and she’s just as eager to get to know Rey. 

Later that night, she falls asleep with a smile on her face. Things are going to work out here, she can feel it. 

\-- 

The next week passes Rey by with agonizingly blissful slowness. She finally goes grocery shopping and stocks up on all the fruits and vegetables she could never afford before. She even goes for the name-brand bread with all twelve of the essential grains and whole wheat and shit. Her mornings start with fresh avocado toast and eggs, she marks the afternoons with home-made burritos and sandwiches, and she consistently has organic chicken or beef for dinner with assorted vegetables and fresh fruit for dessert. Cooking well is a learning curve, to be sure, but she’s pleased to realize she’s somewhat of a natural at it. Besides, her bounty won’t last forever. She only has around $42k left in her bank account, and she never wants to fall below $30k again. It’s her nest egg. 

She really needs to find a job, but she convinces herself that she’s prioritizing self-care. That’s what the internet says is best.

She’s even finding herself getting close with Kaydel, who coos when she finds out Kylo is her neighbor. Apparently Kylo Ren is a gentle giant, but he has a lot of trouble interacting with women. This information puts her at ease and also explains a lot about their only strange interaction. She congratulates herself for not burning that bridge the first day she arrived. Being mindfully kind has its perks. 

Her body feels better. She’s going for longer runs, even her sleep is improving. She’s getting on well with Rose, and they have plans to meet downtown in a few days. Rose is kind enough to offer to share her entire friend group with Rey. She’s looking forward to meeting a Hux and a Poe and a Snap, even though she’s pretty sure she knows them well enough to call them friends with all of the intel Rose passes her way. 

Her brain is buzzing with thoughts of meeting Hux. Apparently he’s cute _and_ single, and Rose has already casually presented Rey’s FindFriends pics to him and he seems interested. All Rey really knows is that he’s got red hair, but Rose convinces her that she needs to meet him before she’s put off by his resting bitch face. He’s a sweetheart, apparently. And while Rey isn’t looking for anything serious, it’s still an inviting thought, something she’s lost in while she returns from her run this Saturday afternoon. 

She’s pulling her AirPods out of her ears—an impulse purchase that she immediately regrets—and shoving them into the front pocket of her leggings when she realizes that she’s missing her key. She frowns at her leggings. The shallow pockets have betrayed her, and now she’ll have to make a copy with the spare she’s hidden outside. She’s bending over to pick up the edge of her welcome mat when she hears the door to 135 creak open. 

Fuck. 

She doesn’t want him to know where she keeps the spare, even though it’s already in a fairly conspicuous location. So she pretends she’s touching her toes. 

“Rey,” she hears Kylo clear his throat behind her. She jerks upright and grins as innocently as she can. 

She isn’t locked out of her apartment. That was totally an authentic toe touch. 

“Kylo! How are you, neighbor?” 

He raises an eyebrow at her. “I’m okay. Are you okay?” 

Rey keeps her smile from faltering too much. “Yeah, better than ever. Endorphins and all that. I won’t keep you, though.” 

“I came outside to talk to you.” Kylo says this like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

Rey tries to convince herself that it is. “Oh. What’s up?” 

“I know you’re new here,” Kylo begins. He’s scratching the back of his neck. Rey stiffens when she realizes what’s coming next. Tall, dark, scary, and somehow handsome is going to ask her out, and she’s going to have to say no. “And I was wondering…”

He trails off and his face twists into something akin to embarrassment. Rey feels a pang of guilt for what’s going on in her brain; he’s clearly having enough trouble as it is. 

“Never mind. Forget I said anything,” he grunts and walks back into his apartment, slamming the door behind him so hard that it startles her. 

Thoughts of her talk with Kaydel swarm her brain. He’s gentle, she’d said. Can’t talk to women for shit, but the sweetest guy Kaydel’s ever met. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. 

She sighs down at her welcome mat and kicks her spare key out from under it, shoving it into her AirPods pocket and praying that she doesn’t regret her next move. She lets out a cautious breath to steady herself and starts knocking on Kylo’s door. She’s always felt oddly protective of the weird kids, and Kylo is nothing but a big, weird kid. 

“Kylo?” She calls through the crack. “Kylo, it’s okay. I want you to know you can finish your thought. I’m not going to bite you or anything.” 

She hears some rustling from the other side of the door. Kylo finally opens it a few moments later, and she hazards a smile at him. His face is still contorted with embarrassment. 

“I wanted to ask you to have dinner with me,” he mumbles sheepishly. “I, uh, have that HelloFresh subscription. Chicken fajitas. And I bought wine, because I saw you buying some at the supermarket the other day—“

“You saw me at the supermarket?” Rey blinks as she cuts him off. Everything in her brain is buzzing to get away at this revelation. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Kylo huffs and stares down at the concrete. “You’re pretty. You wouldn’t wanna talk to me.” 

The buzzing in her brain stops, and she’s overwhelmed by guilt again. The guy is harmless. She has confirmation of his harmlessness at this point, from a trusted third party. She’s being a bitch, judging him for his lack of social skills. He could use a friend and ally, and so could she. This could be mutually beneficial. 

_Rey, you really fucking suck,_ she scolds herself. She came to Boise to escape the old, toxic Rey. Not to perpetuate her awful existence. 

“I appreciate you saying so.” She smiles. “I always have time to chat with you, okay? Don’t worry about things like that with me.” 

Kylo’s face falters, and then he’s grinning. His teeth are a little bit crooked, but straight teeth wouldn’t look right with his face, anyway. She grins back. 

“When did you want to have dinner?” She asks, finally feeling somewhat confident that he isn’t going to flay her. 

She’ll be firm in keeping his expectations friendly when the time comes, she decides. Everything will be okay. She’ll have Hux to fall back on in a few days, and he won’t feel so rejected if he finds out she has a boyfriend. She’s putting the cart before the horse a bit, but worst case scenario, she can just lie about it. 

“Tonight?” 

She hums thoughtfully. “Tonight works for me, but I need to take a shower and stuff first. So it’ll be like… seven o’clock before I can get back over here. Is that okay?” 

“Oh, yeah, of course. I should—I should shower too.” Kylo clears his throat and shuts the door in her face, like that’s the logical end of the conversation. 

She wants to sigh or scream, but she refuses. She doesn’t want to hurt Kylo’s feelings. If she plays her cards right, she can help him with his confidence and maybe he’ll even find a girlfriend when he realizes girls aren’t actually that scary. 

Rey walks into her apartment with a smile on her face. Boise Rey is a great person, and Atlanta Rey can suck on it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our protagonist is conflicted, but our antagonist knows exactly what he wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who is slow burn? i don't know her

It’s thirty minutes before Rey peels off her leggings and tank top and actually steps into the shower. She’s going to be late for her impromptu dinner at this point, but it’s for a good cause. She’s finalizing her dinner plans with Rose, Hux, Poe, and Snap, and is now officially part of their reportedly exclusive group chat. She hasn’t even met them in person yet, and she’s already finding the belonging she sought when she made the decision to move out here. Finn is going to be proud. 

The piping hot water is beyond soothing against her aching muscles. She’s been overdoing it a bit with the daily runs, but they give her a sense of purpose while she’s unemployed. She decides that she’s going to take tomorrow off when she lathers some opulent smelling, $12 body wash all over her body. Maybe she’ll finally shave her legs and use a face mask, too. She goes ahead and shaves under her arms for the first time in a week—a chore she typically avoids thanks to her ultra sensitive skin—and rubs a hefty amount of moisturizing wash under them for good measure. Based on her initial readings of Hux’s sarcastic gif replies, he seems like he’ll be the type to appreciate a woman that owns a razor. She doesn’t know why, but she gets that vibe. 

Rey remembers a little too late that all of her good clothes are soaking wet in the washing machine. Her hair falls out of its towel wrap while she bobs from machine to machine, tossing handfuls of unorganized, unseparated clothing from the washer to the dryer. There’s no way she’s putting on her dirty exercise clothes again, so she has to improvise with a set of pink plaid pajama pants and a white tank top. She hopes Kylo won’t mind; she’ll just be honest with him about the laundry debacle. It’s not like this is a formal dinner planned weeks prior or anything. They’re eating fajitas, for Christ’s sake. 

At 7:08 she hears a knock at her door and winces. She’d hoped Kylo wouldn’t look into her tardiness as anything other than her own lack of preparedness, but he’s here now, and she rushes to open the door with a hairbrush in hand. 

Kylo stands outside with a panicked expression. He’s wearing a black button-down and dark-wash jeans, and Rey is certain she smells the scent of a strong, earthy cologne on him. He looks ready for a business casual meeting, and she’s hardly fit to check the mail. 

“Did you forget?” He asks her between nibbles on his bottom lip. He refuses to meet her eyes. 

Rey cringes internally. 

“No! No, no. Just—do you mind coming in while I get ready?” 

Kylo shakes his head, and she opens the door wider so he can walk inside. He regards the living room with casual indifference, then fixes her with an intense stare. She knows she needs to explain herself, so she brushes through her wet hair and starts doing so. 

“I got caught up on the phone,” she starts, choosing her words carefully. She doesn’t think he’ll understand the concept of messaging too long in a group chat, but she also doesn’t want to outright lie. “Then I started daydreaming in the shower. Do you ever do that? Just get lost in thought?” 

He nods. 

“After that, I realized I forgot to move my laundry over this morning. So everything I own is soaking wet.” 

For some reason, this confession elicits a throaty laugh from Kylo. She instantly feels relieved. 

“It’s okay,” he grins. She traces his crinkled, brown eyes with hers, and then notices his dimples. “I believe you. You didn’t really strike me as the punctual type, anyway.” 

“Isn’t that the truth,” Rey sighs and parts her hair to the left. She’s almost ready, all she needs to do now is brush her teeth. “Can you do me a favor?” 

“Literally anything.” The words fly from his mouth too quickly. If he’s embarrassed by this admission, he doesn’t show it. 

Rey decides not to read too much into it. “Go change into pajamas while I brush my teeth? I’ll be right over after that, I swear.” 

“Sure thing. Anything to make you more comfortable.” He chuckles again. She likes making him laugh; he doesn’t seem to do that often. “But if you’re there sooner than two minutes and thirty seconds after I shut that door, I’m reporting you to the tooth fairy.” 

Rey can’t help it; she snorts. He’s getting more comfortable around her and that makes her feel good. “Narc. See you in three.” 

Six minutes later, she’s finally knocking. He’s right to assume she isn’t punctual. The cool summer night air is giving her a chill thanks to the mess of damp locks over her shoulders. She knows she looks like a mess, but Kylo doesn’t seem to mind when he opens the door. He’s in a much more appropriate white t-shirt and plaid red flannel pants. They basically match, and it’s cute, even to Rey. 

“Sorry to make this a pajama party on such short notice,” she stammers while she squeezes in beside him. “But, you know.” 

Kylo seems more relaxed than usual, which helps her relax. “I really don’t mind. Make yourself at home, okay? I need to take the wine out of the oven.” 

Rey blinks for a minute, unsure if she should laugh at the slip-up, and he turns red. 

So much for being relaxed. 

“I mean the fridge. Not the oven.” 

“Noted.” 

He disappears into the kitchen and Rey’s eyes scan over the visible parts of his apartment. It’s much bigger than hers, which confuses her. She had assumed they’d have the same floor plan, but he is definitely getting the bigger end of the stick. His decor is also better—still obviously pre-furnished, but better than the Goodwill hand-me-downs she must have in her living room. She wonders what he has in his bedroom. She got stuck with a bed, a nightstand, and a desk. Not even a dresser. 

He at least has a few paintings on the wall. They’re abstract in the way that only someone very intelligent could appreciate. He’s in IT and she’s lived from service job to service job since she was sixteen, so she’s not surprised that his art choices are a bit above her head. She’s still squinting at squiggles and splatters when he returns to the living room with two wine glasses. He sets the fuller one down in front of her, and she takes a greedy gulp. 

“Why did you move here?” Kylo asks, and the pointed question makes her choke. 

She’s coughing and wiping at her mouth with the back of her arm, half expecting him to retract the question, but he’s still staring at her with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well, I wanted—” she starts, then coughs again. It takes her a few awkward seconds of throat clearing before she can continue. “I wanted to start over. Boise is pretty, and it ranks well for cities where people can get a good start professionally. I’m also interested in going to the local college, once I set a schedule. Other than that I didn’t put much thought into moving _here_, I just wanted to move, period.” 

“I’m glad you did.” He sips at his glass and nods like he’s well acquainted with starting over. “So I could find you.” 

_That’s awfully forward_, Rey thinks, but doesn’t add anything to that line of thought. 

“You said you do IT for our leasing company?” She finally asks, eager to change the subject. “How long have you been doing that?” 

“Few years. I always had a feeling I was wasting my time, but boy was I wrong.” 

Rey’s head cocks to the side curiously. “Why’s that?” 

He just stares at her in response, taking another cautious sip as he studies her features. She feels her cheeks heating, but she’s saved when one of the kitchen appliances beeps and he’s excusing himself to check on it. It takes a few minutes, but he comes back with two full plates and plops them down onto the coffee table. 

“Oh,” Rey murmurs, staring down at the meal. It looks professional. “You didn’t have to make my plate or anything.” 

He shrugs and tosses her the remote, which she barely catches. “Click the Netflix button. Pick whatever you want.” 

She obliges. For some reason, his Netflix profile is named Ben, but she doesn’t prod on that front. He’s probably mooching off of a friend; even she’s not above that. 

There are tons of crime documentaries and gory horror movies in his recently watched. He seems like the type to take Halloween very seriously, which she notes with great interest. It’s her favorite holiday. 

“I hate horror movies,” she chuckles, and he stiffens on the other side of the couch. “I get nightmares way too easily. I’m like a magnet for bad shit, I don’t want to welcome that kind of energy into my life.” 

“I’ll never let anything happen to you.” 

Rey’s head jerks over her shoulder to blink at him. He’s staring at her stoically. She almost wants to roll her eyes. She can take care of herself, she’s done it since she was a child. Instead, she smiles dismissively and turns her attention back to the television. “Well, I appreciate that. Documentary?” 

They settle on something about a yogi cult leader. Rey is taken aback by how absolutely delicious the dish he’s concocted tastes—she’s certainly never been able to make HelloFresh taste this good. She has another two glasses of wine once she’s finished eating, and she notices Ben scooting closer. He’s too big to be surreptitious, and she finds herself wishing he’d just put his arm around her and get it over with. She’s a little bit tipsy and touch-starved and if this enormous handsome weirdo wants to make out tonight, she’s down. She’ll establish boundaries when she’s sober. Boise Rey is a good person, but she’s not a saint, and almost-drunk Boise Rey absolutely lacks the foresight she needs to care. 

It takes a few minutes, but soon he’s right next to her and she can feel the heat from his body. Rey turns her head and catches him staring down at her. She’s struggling to remember why she’s so adamant about turning him down; probably because he’s her neighbor and he has little regard for personal space. But now that she’s studying him through lidded eyes, she sees how plush and soft his lips look, and she’s drawn to him. Hell, he’s huge, he really could take care of her. Or she’s just justifying the mistake she’s about to make. 

“Kylo?” Rey whispers, and his gaze flickers from her lips to her eyes. She decides she wants to play with him a little bit. “I thought you were curled up on the other side of the couch. When did you get over here?” 

He blushes a little and then shrugs. She thinks he doesn’t trust himself to offer up an explanation. 

“Well, if you’re gonna invade my space, I’m gonna invade yours, too.” 

She stands up just enough to scoot into his lap, then nestles in-between his legs to make herself comfortable. He lets out a strangled sound. He’s already hard for her, she can feel his length poking at her back through his thin pajama pants. The power she must have over him immediately goes to her head and she feels like the queen of the fucking universe. 

Kylo’s arms move from his sides to wrap tightly around her waist. She rests her head back to look at him, and to no surprise whatsoever, he’s already staring down at her with trembling lips. 

“Say it,” he murmurs reverently. She knows what he wants, but she just blinks at him and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. 

“Say it.” His voice is hoarser now. 

“Kiss me,” Rey whispers, and as soon as the words leave her mouth, his lips are on hers. They’re soft and warm and pliant, pressing kiss after kiss against her. The angle is slightly uncomfortable, but she’s too lost in the butterflies in her abdomen to care. His arms tighten around her waist until she feels like she’s going to meld into him, but he doesn’t stop his slow, reverent assault on her lips. Rey is no blushing virgin, but it’s the most tender way she’s ever been kissed, and she doesn’t actually know how to proceed. 

“You’re so sweet, Rey,” he whispers, centimeters from her mouth, then presses another kiss against her. “So nice and good. I’ve never met anyone like you.” 

It’s not true. Rey knows this. She’s just projecting kindness, it’s never been inherent within her. This makes her feel a little bit guilty, but now her libido has joined the fray and she couldn’t pull away from him if she tried. He’s too big and welcoming and she knows exactly what’s waiting for her under those pajama pants. The excitement is enough to make her dizzy. 

“You’re sweet, too, Kylo. So sweet.” She doesn’t know where the words come from, but they work. She’s leaning forward to kiss him but he jerks away. 

“That’s not true,” he growls, then starts kissing her more aggressively. His mouth is working against her and it’s unrelenting, she hardly has any warning before his tongue is fighting hers for dominance. If the kiss before was tender, this one is bruising, like he’s punishing her for daring to think he’s sweet. Another set of hormones—and maybe that third glass of wine—flood over her ability for critical thinking, and she finds herself completely pliant and allowing him to do whatever he wants. 

Before she knows it, she’s laying down, and he’s on top of her with a leg on either side. His hands travel down her neck to her chest and he’s palming at her breasts under her tank top. She’s glad she decided to wear a bra—the feeling is too overwhelming even with two layers of fabric between them and she’s keening and mewling and shifting her thighs under him. 

He groans and palms at her harder. “Keep making your pretty sounds, Rey. Wanna memorize all of them.” 

His head disappears into the sensitive flesh between her ear and collarbone and he’s licking and sucking and biting and probably bruising. She’s too lost in the sensation to care. His fingers travel from her chest to her stomach to her waistband, and she hardly has any warning when he runs his an index finger over her slit. Her hips jerk involuntarily and he tightens his grip with his thighs. When his fingers find her clit, she’s practically seeing stars already. 

It doesn’t take long before he’s choking out commands. She’s hardly following until he growls, “you’re mine, Rey. Say it.” 

“I’m yours.” She’s too busy chasing that sweet release to do anything but comply. “I’m yours, Kylo.” 

“You belong to me,” he reiterates, then kisses the corner of her mouth and applies more of that sweet pressure on her clit. "Say it."

“Yes, yes, yes. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh _fuuuck_,” she moans, and his lips continue their assault against her neck and collarbone until she hits her peak and she’s practically screaming, no penetration necessary. She feels the flood of wetness between her folds and she shifts her thighs again for some relief around his fingers while she rides out the rest of the high. 

“Gonna get my first noise complaint,” he chuckles darkly into her neck and all she can do is mewl. She has half a mind to wonder where her awkward neighbor went, but her friends always told her that you had to look out for the weird, quiet ones. They’re usually secret dominant sex gods with huge dicks, case in point. “Did that feel good, baby?”

Rey nods and then yawns, she can’t help it. The orgasm took every ounce of energy she’d been saving since dinner. He sits up with a grin and palms himself through his pants.

“So nice to see you worn out and satisfied. Fucking fed you and made you come, I’ll do it every night for the rest of our lives.” 

Rey knows what he’s saying is weird, but she chalks it up to him being horny. She’s in no position to take care of him, so she motions for him to lay down behind her and he assumes the position of big spoon. He’s still whispering possessive little nothings into her, calling her his perfect little pillow princess, says he doesn’t mind and he’ll never come again if it means she’ll get off. The words bounce around her tipsy brain until she’s falling into a peaceful sleep pulled tightly against his chest. 

She wakes up the next morning and groans. Her head is throbbing, her slick has dried between her legs and it’s uncomfortable, and she feels the taste of putrid alcohol burning in the back of her throat. She didn’t have any water with dinner and it shows. Kylo isn’t behind her anymore, but she’s got a blanket draped over her and her head is resting on a pillow. For a minute she thinks it was all a dream and she’s curled up in her own bed, but then she rolls off of the couch trying to get comfortable, and it’s clear she’s not in Apartment 134 anymore. 

“You alright, baby?” Kylo asks, and her eyes flutter open to see him standing over her and holding a spatula. That’s when the smell of bacon hits her nose and everything comes flooding back to her. She feels horrible leading him on like this when she’s not even remotely ready for a relationship, and she’s cursing her drink-addled brain for letting anything happen at all. 

Rey nods weakly and sits up on her knees. “Mhm. Think I drank too much.”

“You just need some breakfast,” he muses and motions to the coffee table. There’s a large glass of water and two little red pills waiting for her. “Water and ibuprofen also help.” 

She takes the medicine and waits for him to return from the kitchen. He’s made her plate again and is setting it down in front of her. 

“Kylo…” She groans when she reaches for her silverware and her head starts throbbing. “Please don’t ever let me have three glasses of port wine again.” 

“I won’t, baby. Eat up.” 

They eat in relative silence. Rey doesn’t know how to tell him to stop calling her baby, or what to say to make him understand that last night is where she has to draw the line for a while, if not forever. She moved here for the freedom, not to get tied down to her fucking neighbor barely a week and a half later. It’ll be awkward and she’s probably missing out on a nice guy, but she’ll have to be stern at some point. The longer she waits, the worse it’ll get. 

“Do you wanna come back over tonight?” He finally blurts, and she fights a shudder at the unadulterated awkwardness coursing through her veins. Half of her wants to say yes, honestly, but the other half is so curious about freedom and she knows she’ll regret it if she pursues this relationship too quickly. 

Rey shakes her head. “I’m actually meeting up with some friends at a bar downtown. Maz’s or something?” She watches him deflate from the corner of her eyes and it makes her want to deflate, too. 

“It’s Mahz’s. Not Maaaz’s,” he corrects as politely as possible. “The locals will really bust your balls for that sort of thing. And speaking of locals… didn’t realize you had friends around here.” 

“Shocking, I know, what with my horrendous personality.” Rey chuckles at herself; she’s really only half kidding. “But I found a girl on FindFriends named Rose. She’s super cool, has a really sweet friend group that’s interested in taking me under their collective wing, and I’m meeting them all for the first time tonight.”

“Ah,” he nods. His hands grip his water a little too tightly and he throws it back like he’s at a frat party chugging a beer. “It’ll be good for you to make some girlfriends. I thought you only knew me which was concerning since I can’t relate with you on issues of the fairer sex, much as I’d like to.” 

Rey giggles a bit and lets her fork fall onto the plate. She’s satisfied now and leaning back on the couch with her arms over her full stomach. 

“Well, neither can they. They’re all guys ‘cept for Rose. I don’t really discriminate with friends, though. They either stick or they don’t. My best friend from Atlanta is actually a man named Finn, we even lived together for a while.” 

Kylo’s fork clatters onto his plate and it makes Rey jump. She thinks she knows why, and wants to call Kylo’s fragile male ego out, but she’s going to end up hurting him enough soon. She’ll give him this. 

“Don’t worry. I never had the right anatomy for Finn.” 

Kylo softens, but only a little bit, and doesn’t acknowledge her comment otherwise. 

“So what time are you meeting these new friends?” He asks carefully, and she can’t tell if he’s angry or concerned. 

“Probably around eight. It’s pretty casual, so it’ll just happen when we all get ready, I think.” Rey shrugs and starts pulling her hair back into a ponytail. She thinks she’s ready to get out of there for the day. She’ll work out her feelings about this situation (and a proper let-down speech) and they’ll talk about it later, when she’s not hungover. 

“I should go with you. Kinda dangerous to meet up with a bunch of men from the internet like that.” 

Rey feels her face start to contort with annoyance. That’s objectively true, but not at all applicable in this situation. 

“I think I’ll take my chances this time. Don’t wanna spring an extra person on them so soon.” She stands and brushes the breakfast crumbs off of the front of her pajama pants. “Thanks for dinner, and breakfast, and wine. I really appreciate you taking care of me.” 

Kylo has that panicked look on his face again, and he springs to his feet beside her. 

“Leaving so soon?” 

“Yep. Need to go for a run and take a shower and all that,” Rey explains, even though it’s mostly a lie. She decides to tack on another lie for good measure. “And then I need to apply for jobs. Gonna go broke and die penniless on the streets of Boise if I don’t start taking that more seriously.” 

She starts for the door when Kylo reaches out and grabs her forearm. He’s being gentle, but she can feel the possessiveness in his grip. He pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her waist. 

“I meant what I said last night,” he whispers against her forehead. She’s struggling to remember what that might be when he presses his lips against hers. He tastes like bacon and orange juice—when did he drink orange juice?—and she can’t deny the heat blooming in her abdomen. She kisses him back despite herself, surprised when he pulls away first. “Did you mean it, too, Rey?” 

She really can’t remember, but it must have been important to him and the last thing she wants to do is hurt his feelings, so she acts offended. “Yes, of course!” 

He grins down at her, pulls her flush against him, and kisses her again, more passionately this time. It probably had something to do with dinner, but everything between the documentary and the fingering session is a little fuzzy in her memory. She’ll work it out in the shower. 

“I really have to go now.” She breaks away this time and smiles. Fuck, she could get used to having a friend with benefits across the hall if she gets kissed like that more often. He seems like the type to fall hard, though, so she’s not sure if the risk is worth the reward—she should probably just stick with her original plan of letting him down gently. Another thing to work out in the shower. “Seeya around?” 

“I sure hope so,” He laughs. “Lemme walk you over.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> true colors start shiiiiinin'

Rey spends the day primping. She tries to convince herself that it’s only for her benefit—self care and all that—but really, she just wants to make the best possible impression on Rose. She hasn’t had a female friend in years, even though she prefers their company to men. Platonically, at least. She wants to look classy. Like a feminine, soft keeper. 

She’s also not keen on repeating last night’s mishap with her pubic hair. She’s not ashamed or anything, but the dark curls crowding proudly around her sex aren’t necessarily her preference. If Kylo’s going to continue being a _thing_, which she’s sure he will after a long, contemplative shower session, then she needs to take care of it. If only for her own peace of mind. 

It’s not that she necessarily wants to keep seeing Kylo. There’s an uncomfortable buzz under her skin when he’s around, one that makes her question the safety his intensity exudes. She’s just not ready to disappoint him or make an enemy of her neighbor. Too much drama too soon in. Besides, he’ll be a good lay when the time comes. 

It’s fine. The speech can wait. She doesn’t have to apologize to anyone for her indecisiveness on the topic, either, because no one knows. 

It takes three hours of shaving, scrubbing, moisturizing and face, body and hair masks, but Rey’s satisfied with the final result when the afternoon hits. She smells good and she looks even better. She braids her wet hair into three braids and lets them air dry. That approach alongside copious squirts of hairspray is the only way that her hair will hold a curl. 

She scrolls mindlessly through Instagram until it feels like it’s appropriate to get ready in earnest. She starts with makeup. She hates covering her freckles, and her face is soft and smooth thanks to all the day’s grooming, so she goes for a smattering of cream blush to highlight her innocence and a light pink lipstick to go with it. She doesn’t bother too much with eyeshadow, just slaps on a coat of a glimmery champagne shade to highlight the rare spots of gold in her hazel eyes, then tops it off with a coat of mascara. She knows it’s minimal, but it all makes a huge difference. She looks beautiful. 

She can’t help but grin at herself in the mirror. The unsure, unwanted, unloved orphan that’s always bubbling under the surface of her psyche is nowhere to be found. No, when she stares into the eyes of her reflection, she only sees a well-adjusted woman. A woman with her shit together, going out on a Saturday night to meet up with a group of friends. She had a some-strings-attached hookup last night and she might be due for another one tonight. It’s the life she’s read about in trashy women’s publications, except she isn’t a young struggling wannabe debutante in NYC. She’s in fucking Boise, surrounded by mountains and ethereal beauty and far away from her oppressive past. 

Boise Rey is going to indulge in every whim she wants, just like those blog girls do. For now. Until she’s employed. 

Yeah. Excellent plan. 

Rey squints at her closet in disdain. Most of her clothes are for working out, and she only brought four dresses with her. Three are exclusively for interviews—too professional for meeting friends at a bar—but the other is more of a clubbing dress than anything. 

She shrugs despite herself and pulls it over her head. It’s black and form-fitting with long sleeves, and hugs her curves tightly all the way down to her mid-thigh. She decides against pantyhose and slips on no-show socks and black heels instead. 

Rey looks entirely too hot and she can’t tell if that’s a good thing. The blush gives her the air of innocence she wanted, but she’s nervous about what Hux’s reaction might be. Rose already urged her to dress as provocatively as possible just to fuck with him, Poe’s gay, and Snap is pretty much oblivious to anyone that isn’t Rose. She takes in a deep breath to steady herself before she orders her Uber. She’s literally never worried about looking too good before, no need to start now. 

When Rey sees Rose for the first time, she feels a lot more comfortable about her fashion choice. They’re dressed almost identically. 

“How horrible would it be if I literally screamed “squee” right now? Because I’m pretty damn close,” Rose giggles as she wraps her arms around Rey. Even in her nearly four inch heels, she’s struggling to get her arms around Rey’s shoulders. It’s adorable and Rey feels herself getting more comfortable by the second. “I was so worried you were a catfish. Gotta keep my lady friends hot, you know.” 

Rey stifles her own giggle at that and she finds herself grinning. “Ditto.” 

“Alright, boys. Here she is, Rey fucking Palpatine. In the flesh.” 

Rose introduces Rey to the “squad” like she’s presenting a prize show dog. She already feels like she knows them, but she lets Rose introduce her individually. Rose saves Hux for last, and Rey’s cheeks heat with the brazen way his eyes flicker up and down her form. 

She already knows that between Hux and Kylo, she’s due for a real life hot girl summer. She can’t fucking wait. 

The night progresses better than she could have dreamed. She’s building a good rapport with every single one of them, and she’s able to tamp down her awkwardness every time it’s her turn to speak. Hux is apparently ex-military, but he served for the U.K., not the U.S. A little bit older than her with an accent to die for and a hard-earned militant air about him. He’s definitely interested in her, probably more than he’s letting himself convey. Poe was an Airforce pilot once upon a time. He’s a beautiful man, and Rey decides almost immediately that she’s going to set him up with Finn when he gets around to visiting. Snap is a professional couch-surfer with an entrepreneurial edge. Apparently he’s staying with Rose right now while he works on his next big idea, but Rey doubts very much that he’s sleeping in the living room. Call it a hunch. 

She already knew basically everything about Rose coming in. They chat entirely too much by text and phone. But she hadn’t realized how witty the woman actually is, how carefree and selfless and outgoing. Everything that Boise Rey aspires to be, and she’s getting better at faking it as the drinks come in. 

Eventually they all decide to go back to Rey’s place, since it’s the closest. She isn’t sure why she agrees. She hasn’t even finished setting up the WiFi yet, and she’s too tipsy to do it now, so someone will have to bear that burden if they want to watch Netflix at some point. At least she’s remembering to drink water this time. 

Rose immediately heads for the kitchen and grabs a CapriSun from the fridge. Rey adores her for it. They’re fast friends, perfect for each other in every way, and Rey knows she’ll be equally welcome and comfortable at Rose’s place when the time comes. She doesn’t even mind the baggage of the rest of the group. 

“Okay. I need a movie and pizza, immediately,” Poe demands once they settle in on the couch. “I’ll pay for the pizza but it’s gotta be pepperoni.” 

He flips Snap off with both middle fingers when the man dares to groan at that. Apparently Snap fancies himself a part-time vegetarian. 

“Rey, since we’re in your beautiful home… please handle the movie.” 

“Oh. Uh…” Rey’s eyes trail across the room to the dismantled box in the corner. “Can any of you set up my internet while you’re here?” 

Hux dares to snort from the couch. “I thought all of you millennials were tech gods.” 

“Yeah, well, we’re not,” Rey frowns. She crosses her arms over her chest indignantly. “I suppose you’re useless at tech, too, being in your thirties and all.” 

“Oh yeah.” Hux winks. “Just another thing we have in common.” 

Rey’s stomach flutters at this, but she can’t dwell on it too long, because Rose suddenly has the brightest idea of the night. 

“Isn’t your neighbor an IT guy?” 

“Uh, yeah.” Rey bristles a bit and uncrosses her legs. The floor is uncomfortable. “But it’s like…midnight. I don’t think he wants to be bothered.” 

“So?” Rose giggles, and the sound disarms Rey entirely. “Invite him over! You should have brought him tonight, anyway. The more the merrier.” 

Rey bites back the words bubbling in her throat. There’s a protest there, something like ‘oh, no, you wouldn’t like him, he’s kind of strange. Also he fingered me last night and I’m trying to mess around with him AND Hux at the same time because I’m convinced it’s the only way I’ll be satisfied with my new life and inviting Kylo over will surely complicate that devious little master-plan.’ Instead she says nothing and hopes Rose will drop the subject. 

“Wow, Rey. You didn’t strike me as the shy type.” Rose sends her a wink, and before Rey knows it, the woman is brazenly walking outside to the corridor between 134 and 135. 

Maybe Rey doesn’t like how outgoing Rose is after all. 

Rey tries to chase after her but stumbles before she can get up. She realizes she’s too tipsy to catch up with Rose, and the outcome seems inevitable anyway. She sits back on her heels and silently accepts her fate, shuddering a bit when she hears Rose’s hard knocking from across the hallway. 

It takes about five minutes, but Rose is tugging Kylo into Rey’s apartment by his arm soon enough. It would be funny if it wasn’t so horrifying. He has more than a foot on her in height, and she’s tugging him like a stern mother. 

“Like I said, Rey was too shy to invite you over.” Rose announces this loudly, probably to shame her. She probably thinks she's being funny. In any other situation, it would be. 

Kylo’s staring at Rey with a quirked brow, and Rey’s staring back with a blank expression. At least she hopes it’s blank. She could be inadvertently expressing every bit of terror she’s feeling inside. _Caught._ His eyes flicker down her form like Hux’s did earlier. She must look delectable, sitting back on her knees like this. She knows what this dress does for her hips. 

When he finally tears his gaze away from her, he scans the room. Rose has plopped herself into Snap’s lap, Hux is sitting awkwardly on the other side of the couch, and Poe is lazing on the armchair. There might be room for two, but he’s draped with his neck and knees supported over the arms. Rey is, of course, glued to the floor. 

“Hux,” Kylo nods at the far edge of the couch. 

Hux regards him back, curt as ever. “Kylo.” 

Rey wants to curl into herself and explode. How the fuck do they know each other? How small is this city? 

She’s gonna have to pick one after all, and it’ll have to be Kylo, since she’s already fucked around with him and she knows how men talk. So much for her hot girl summer. 

Rose actually does squee now. “How on Earth do you two know each other?! What a small world!” 

“My parents knew his grandparents,” Hux provides this information like Rose should already know. “We’ve gone on holiday together once a year since we were kids.” 

Poe snorts. “Aren’t you from Ireland?”

“Yep. And his grandparents are the reason I’m in Idaho now, wasting my life away with you lot.” 

Rey cringes when Kylo knowingly kneels by the internet modem and starts plugging things in. He doesn’t even attempt to add anything to Hux’s story. A few minutes later, he’s got all the green lights blinking. There’s been chatter in the meantime, but Rey is far too busy calming her racing heart to actually hear it. 

Of course the one time she tries to do something every other woman manages with impunity, it turns out like this. At least she didn’t do anything with Hux. She’d hardly even flirted, really, and that’s the only comforting thought she can manage. Now she just feels overwhelmingly guilty for wanting to do more, especially when Kylo sits down beside her, resigned with his hands in his lap. 

“Need me to set up the TV?” Kylo asks while the chatter continues behind them. 

Hux is telling a story about army barracks overseas and Poe is actively attempting to one-up him, and neither of them are listening. 

“No, I think I can handle it. You’ve done enough. I’m so sorry you had to come over and deal with this.” 

“You should have invited me.” He leans closer to her ear and lowers his voice to that dominant tone from last night, the one that makes her thighs shift together on their own accord. “You should only dress like that for me, sweetheart. I’ll have to think of a fitting punishment. Later though.” 

Rey freezes in place and he doesn’t let her mess with the TV anymore. He takes the remote from her and gleefully enters his credentials for Netflix, Hulu, HBO, Amazon Prime, everything with a subscription streaming service. She only has Netflix, so she doesn’t know what to say about all the options. 

“Go ahead and cancel your subs.” 

Rey chokes back a protest, but her neighbor’s tone brooks no argument. 

If he wants to make some display of dominance over the other men in the room, she’ll let him. She feels like she owes him that much for ever entertaining the idea of playing him with Hux. That ship is sailing away faster than ever anyway. The redhead is quiet now, swiping left and right at his phone in a rhythmic fashion that Rey instantly recognizes. 

Snap suggests they watch The Office from the beginning, to which Rose gleefully agrees. They’re a few episodes in when the pizza finally gets there. Rey has tapped into her limited booze stash to keep her impromptu party happy. Everyone’s having a great time, even Kylo. He’s keeping a respectful enough distance from her, but every time their eyes meet, Rey feels an exhilarated thrill course through her. He really looks like he wants to devour her. And what was that about punishment, again? She certainly deserves it. 

_Fuck._ Back to square one with Kylo. She’s going to have a lot to apologize for when she finally turns him down for good. 

At around 2am, they’re saying their goodbyes. Everyone’s going to crash at Rose’s apartment. Just this once, she says, since she doesn’t want to spring the responsibility of making breakfast for everyone on Rey this early. They’re already making plans for the next time they’ll hang out and Rey feels excited, like she’s conquered the night with relative success. 

Before she walks out, Rose stands on her tiptoes to whisper into Rey’s ear. “The guys love you and so do I.” 

And then, louder, to add insult to the injury of having invited Kylo over in the first place, she sings, “have fun with your hot neighbor!”

The front door slams shut behind Rose, leaving her standing alone in the living room with Kylo. Rey feels a chill work itself down her spine. 

She steals a glance at Kylo over her shoulder, then squeals and makes a mad dash for her bedroom. Kylo isn’t far behind at all. She yelps as she hides herself under her comforter; it only takes Kylo a few seconds to rip that security off of her entirely. He’s already working at his belt buckle while she lays there, fully clothed and feeling more exposed than ever. Which is presumptuous as hell on his part, but Rey doesn’t care. Not yet. It's still a fun, kinky sex game for the next thirty seconds. 

“Imagine my surprise when your sweet little friend wakes me up at midnight to come set up your internet.” 

He pulls his pants down, but leaves his proudly tented boxers on. 

She stares at his erection and swallows. 

“I’m sorry, sir—“

He cuts her off with a hand in the air. “Do they know?” 

“What?”

“That you’re mine.” 

Rey blinks for a moment. Last night comes rushing back to her, and she realizes that’s what she agreed to this morning. Being _his._

So much for an eventual clean break. She doesn’t know how to salvage this, so she goes with the first excuse that pops in her brain. 

“Uh…no. Not yet. This is still new, you know?” 

He chuckles darkly in response to that and Rey feels the initial unease she had around him prickle back under her skin. 

“Next time there will be no question. Understand? I’ll let you hang out with those little fucking ineffectual boys, but they need to know who you belong to.” 

Rey nods despite herself. She suddenly wants this weird kink to be over, but she doesn’t know how to bring it up politely. 

The more she thinks about it, the less convinced she is that it's a kink at all. He seems to really think she belongs wholly to him and the thought is horrifying. 

He kneels down beside her and starts tugging up the bottom of her dress. “My beautiful girl. Mine.” His eyes are blazing while his fingers dance up his hips and she knows he means it. "I love you so much."

Every weird event from the last two nights plays out in her head on an unnerving loop and her eyes widen as she finally realizes she’s playing with unhinged fire. 

Alarm bells blare in her brain. _Holy shit, Rey. Holy shit._

“I’m sorry, Kylo. Again.” She jerks her dress back down to cover her thighs again. “Can we just cuddle tonight? I’m just not really…I just don’t feel very well.” 

His expression flickers from angry to worried to resigned in the blink of an eye, but Rey registers all of it. Her senses are heightened from the danger she’s recognizing in him. 

“Sure, baby. Anything you want.” 

A few minutes later her face is washed and she’s wearing pajamas. A white tank top and flannel pants, just like last night, only the pants are purple. Kylo’s opted for the Galaxy Wars t-shirt he arrived in and his boxers. When she climbs into the bed, he pulls her tightly to his chest and loops a leg over her. 

He’s asleep almost immediately, but all Rey can do is stare at the wall and wonder just how much further she’s going to dig herself into this hole before she’ll climb out.


	4. kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kylo's perspective! some backstory, motivations, and his perspective on a few formative interactions up to this point. not all of them. 
> 
> i'll do another chapter like this, probably for ch. 7. i consider both of these "bonus" chapters, so you'll notice the planned chapter count has gone up by 2. 
> 
> 404 ben solo not found in this fic cuz ben solo is his successful twin brother 
> 
> enjoy the psycho

It’s unseasonably warm on the best day of Kylo’s life. 

All 93 degrees of heat (33.8C) assault his senses the moment he steps outside. The heat is bad enough on its own, but he’s not used to this kind of humidity. The air feels heavy in his lungs, like it’s just fucking sitting there, getting comfortable and weighing him down. 

There are two things Kylo can’t stand: being sticky, and narrow shoes that squeeze the life out of his feet and prevent him from wiggling his toes. He’s having to tolerate both of them today. 

Kaydel is in another one of her moods when he finally makes it to the apartment office. He doesn’t understand how a woman can be so pleasant one second and such a bitch the next, but he’s gotten used to it, and he makes it a point to always be kind to her despite that. He knows she thinks he’s just a super nice guy. And he is, for the most part. 

He just has to be extra nice because his parents gave him this IT gig to bribe him into posturing as a productive member of society, like his twin brother Ben, who’s got a fucking PhD and works as a radar engineer at NASA. They pay Kylo almost $60k a year to work ten hours a week, max, and he lives at the complex for free. 

So the joke’s on Ben, who works ninety hour weeks and never sees his wife or kids. 

He gets it. Kira’s hot but Ben’s kids are destructive and slimy and gross and he wouldn’t want to be around them either. 

Kylo doesn’t begrudge Ben for his success. The better Ben’s CV gets, and the more children his old lady pops out, the more their parents avoid bringing up Kylo’s long list of personal failures. He’s too ornery, too prone to violent outbursts, he’s cost them an arm and a leg in legal fees for his assault and battery charges through his twenties. There’s an emptiness in him that he’ll never fill and that scares them. Kylo’s just the black sheep that’s only mentioned in passing while they plan their annual holiday to whichever European country his mom is idolizing that year. 

But Ben is great!

His parents are rich as fuck thanks to the family business, SALCorp (or Skywalker Accommodation and Lodging Corporation if you’re the SEC.) He won’t see a lick of that money until they die, maybe not even then, but they have enough sway to hook him up with a job that helps him live comfortably, since he can’t get a legitimate one with his criminal record. And he can’t complain since having a semi-regular schedule prevents him from jacking his dick raw morning til night. 

“We have a move-in on Wednesday,” Kaydel interrupts his train of thought, and then pops a bubble with her gum. The sound makes him flinch. “And I can’t get the online portal to work. Can you fix it? And if I’m not back from lunch by the time you’re done, can you just go ahead and process the paperwork? Should be under Palpatine, Rey.” 

Ray. Great. Another man moving in, as if Skywalker at Sunridge isn’t enough of a sausage-fest. If he sees one more hairy fifty year old in a speedo at the pool, he might drown himself in it. 

Kaydel bats her eyelashes at him. He nods in agreement because he hates arguing with women. They have the unfair advantage of being soft and impossible to talk to. Kaydel understands this weakness and uses it to her advantage every time he comes in. 

“Okay. Anything else?” 

“Nope! I’ll be back in like two hours, ‘kay? Need to hit up the tanning bed.” She slides on her sunglasses, grabs her keys, and heads for the door. 

“Lazy bitch,” Kylo mutters. He sits down, anyway, and starts messing around with their proprietary leasing software, SkyNet. It’s laggy in IE but perfect in Chrome. He’s told her about this workaround a thousand times, but she either doesn’t get it or doesn’t care. He’s surprised to see that ‘Ray’ is spelled ‘Rey.’ The paperwork indicates that Rey-with-an-e is actually a 22-year-old woman and she’s moving, alone, from Georgia. 

Kylo taps his fingers against his chin and opens the supporting documents. Credit score is a ripe 635. If it was any lower, they wouldn’t have accepted her application at all. As it is she’ll have to pay almost a full month’s rent as a security deposit. 

Her ID is what really piques his interest. Most people take horrid pictures, but hers is fucking gorgeous. She’s tan in an effortless way, with freckles so prominent that he can make them out in the low-resolution scan. Her eyes and lips are what really get him, though. They’re both just slightly larger than life, like an idealist artist’s interpretation of unattainable beauty. 

He opens a private tab and googles her name. To his surprise, a news article called ‘Something Strange is Afoot at the Circle K: Local Waitress Wins $50,000 at Ponce de Leon Gas Station’—this reporter needs to be shot, he decides—is the first thing to pop up. There’s a photograph attached to the article. It’s Rey, holding a comically large check and wearing a tight black dress. Her legs look endless and her hips look...oh, great. He’s pitching a partial now. 

_When asked what she plans to do with her winnings, Miss Palpatine laughed and said she was “getting the hell out of the South.” While we disagree with the sentiment (Go Dawgs!), we certainly wish her the best!_

Kylo sends the picture to himself from Kaydel’s email and then deletes all the evidence. 

He gets back to the task at hand and sees that she’s been randomly assigned to Building 3, which just won’t do. It’s too far away from him, and if she’s a homebody like him, he’ll never find a way to casually run into her. 

The unit across from him has been vacant for almost two years, which means it’s not renovated. His parents arranged for that unit to remain vacant on his behalf, since he likes his privacy and doesn’t want to share his private corridor, but this is an extenuating circumstance. He changes her apartment to that unit and uses Kaydel’s credentials to put in a work order to have it cleaned. Thoroughly. Tomorrow. He justifies it by saying that since she’s moving in alone, someone needs to keep an eye on her. And he really can’t wait to fill that position. 

Kylo logs out when the paperwork is processed. Kaydel probably thinks he’s so pussy-whipped he’ll stay and watch the office for her. The thought makes him snort as he flips the sign to ‘Sorry, We’re Closed!’ and practically skips back to his apartment to do more research on his hot new neighbor. 

— 

Wednesday takes entirely too long to arrive. He’s only known about Rey for two days, and he’s already fully obsessed. He’s even bought three fake Instagram profiles to follow her with. Just to keep tabs. In his defense, the minimum requirement for the website was three accounts and he didn’t know what to do with the other two. 

It’s almost four o’clock before he hears movement outside the door. He’s been camped out on his couch with everything that makes noise—including the refrigerator—unplugged. He pads quietly to the peephole in the door and sees her. _Her._ She’s struggling with the lock and there’s a huge purple suitcase beside her. 

Is that all she has? The apartment is pre-furnished, but certainly she at least has some stuff in boxes. He’ll wait. His goal is to run into her, casually as hell, as she walks out to get the rest of her things, and then valiantly carry all of it because he works out and even Kaydel has said his biceps look good. He’s even looked up conversation topics for when she says she’s from Atlanta. It snowed there once and made traffic terrible. And then a bridge collapsed and everyone had to use something called the bypass and traffic was terrible then, too. 

It takes almost thirty minutes but she’s finally hobbling back out again. And she’s in leggings. He clamors out of the door and just fucking stares at her ass without saying anything for so long that he decides it will be better if she initiates the conversation. 

When she turns around, she almost runs into him and immediately apologizes. 

Nice. His girl is polite. 

He even catches her checking him out. He’s glad she’s at least six inches shorter than him, he’s heard women go insane for that kind of shit. 

He waves to his apartment and declares, “I’m your neighbor.” She doesn’t say anything immediately so he clears his throat and asks if she needs any help moving. 

“No, just brought a suitcase,” she says, and she’s chuckling and holding her hand out for him to shake. “I’m Rey.”

Wow. His girl has a beautiful laugh. 

“Kylo. I actually work IT for this complex and a few others under the same leasing company,” he offers. He notices that his hand is dwarfing hers and he’s so nervous about how sweaty his palms get. She doesn’t seem to notice. “Where you from, Rey? Do anything interesting for work?” _Atlanta. And no, she doesn’t have a job yet._

“No, I’m happily unemployed for now. And I’m from Atlanta.” 

He repeats “Atlanta” back to her with an Idaho accent. She doesn’t get it. She will, when she meets more people from here. His brain goes blank on all of his conversation topics and he can’t help but clear his throat again. “You know it snows here, right?” 

“I’m fully aware.” 

Of course. His girl is smart. 

He backtracks. “Just checking. I heard all about Snowmaggeddon a few years ago.” 

“Yeah, me too,” she says, and she’s fucking _grinning_ and it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. She’s walking backwards towards the stairs and he can’t help but follow her because he’s afraid she’s going to trip. “Well, I’m off for a run. It was nice to meet you, Kylo.” 

Oh. His girl is leaving. 

Wow, her legs look amazing in these pants. He takes in her form for a minute, and suddenly he’s feeling a horrible sense of possession creep through him. This is _his_ girl looking so fucking fine. No one else deserves to look at her. He hasn’t felt this possessive since high school, and even then the feeling didn’t hit him this intensely. He knows it's weird, but he also knows he only feels this way because it's Rey.

“Be careful, Rey.” She needs to know not to dress like that. Some creep will objectify her. “There are some real creeps out here.” 

“Yeah, I’ve—I’ve got pepper spray. So, uh…bye!” 

Okay. At least his girl is prepared. 

She’s sprinting away before he can say anything else. That went well, but even he knows it could have gone better. He goes back to his apartment and starts planning their next encounter. 

— 

It takes a week for him to work up the courage to actually approach her. He’s slowly going insane. He’s following behind her on runs most days and even drives to the grocery store five minutes after he sees her Uber leave. He has a pretty good idea of where she’s headed because she posted about needing recipe recommendations on Instagram. 

Their paths never cross organically on those trips, and he doesn’t want to force anything because then she’d think he was a weirdo. 

When he hears her running back up the stairs one day, he bites the bullet and just fucking goes for it before he can talk himself out of it. He’s treated to quite the view when the door opens because she’s fucking _touching her toes_ and he can see her panties through her leggings at this angle because the sun is just right and they’re so sheer and tight and—fuck. He adjusts himself in his pants as quickly as he can and then says her name, because he can’t help it. 

“Rey.” 

“Kylo! How are you, neighbor?” She seems happy to see him. 

He doesn’t know why. He tries to act nonchalant. “I’m okay. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, better than ever. Endorphins and all that. I won’t keep you, though.” 

Oh no. His girl thinks she’s inconveniencing him. He has to fix that. 

“I came outside to talk to you.” 

“Oh. What’s up?”

His heart is pounding in his ears and he’s sure she can hear it. “I know you’re new here,” he starts, then stops for a second to scratch his neck and figure out what the hell he’s going to say. He didn’t really have a plan this time. “And I was wondering…”

She’s looking at him with those wide, brown eyes. She’s so beautiful and perfect and sweet that he can’t do anything but feel embarrassed that he’s even fucking stormed out here. She’d never be interested in him. Fucking never. 

Nope. 

He can’t do this. 

“Never mind. Forget I said anything,” he manages a grunt and scurries back into his apartment like the coward he is. He wants to cry. He doesn’t know how to salvage this. 

She salvages it instead, and even though he thoroughly embarrasses himself in the process, she encourages him. Makes him feel like a winner for the first time in his life. And she’s hotter and smarter and nicer than Kira, so Ben can fucking suck on it. 

And then they have dinner plans at 7 o’clock and he’s so fucking giddy he can’t breathe. She’s interested in him. Of course she is. 

She’s his fucking girl. 

He gets dressed in the best clothes he owns and sits by the door and just fucking _waits_ for her like a puppy. Every now and then he walks into the kitchen and gets the components out for their meal but that doesn’t take nearly enough time. 

Rey. Rey. Rey. 

By 7:05, he’s worried about her. Maybe she went inside and fell asleep. He needs to check because there’s so much anxiety and bile building in the back of his throat he thinks he might actually fucking puke. He knocks on her door and when she opens it she’s holding a hairbrush and she’s in her pajamas. 

Now he really is going to puke. 

He nibbles at his bottom lip to try and keep that from happening. “Did you forget?” 

Turns out she didn’t. She’s just tardy. She’s his tardy girl, and he should have known that a sexy 22-year-old that moves across the country by herself on a whim probably isn’t going to be punctual. He can forgive it. 

She’s wearing a tight tank top and saying something about the phone and the shower and her clothes but all he can do is stare at the swell of her breasts. She’s wearing a bra, but even then, there’s little left to the imagination. 

Somehow she convinces him to change into pajamas. He’s riding such a high of knowing that there will be a beautiful woman in his apartment, _his beautiful woman_, that he almost doesn’t even know how it happens. 

And then they’re eating and he’s all but declaring his undying love and devotion like a total beta bitch boy, but she’s eating it up, even acting all shy about it. Like she doesn’t understand the effect someone like her could have on a man like him. Busting into his bleak life with all the sunshine and warmth and kindness she has in that tight little body. 

He’s plying himself with wine just to work up the courage to kiss her, and it’s working enough that he’s able to scoot over on the couch towards her. When he gets close enough to feel the warmth of her body, she says his name. 

“Kylo?” 

He wants to shudder then. He’s so fucking hard just being this close to her it’s insane. 

“I thought you were curled up on the other side of the couch. When did you get over here?” 

_Oh God._ All he can do is shrug. 

“Well, if you’re gonna invade my space, I’m gonna invade yours too.” 

His cock twitches at the low timbre her voice has taken and then she’s in his lap. Rey is in his fucking lap. She has to feel how hard he is and all he can muster is a strange approximation of a cough and moan. He wraps his arms around her and when she looks back at him, he can’t even pretend like he’s not staring at her lips. 

He knows she wants him to kiss her, but he needs her to initiate it. 

“Say it.” 

Of course she doesn’t say anything. If he doesn’t kiss her in the next ten seconds he’s going to implode. He uses his commanding voice, the one he can only muster when he’s this fucking horny. 

“Say it.”

“Kiss me.” 

That’s all he needs. He’s kissing her like he loves her, because he’s pretty sure he does. He doesn’t stop until she calls him sweet with a Kaydel-esque tone, and he has to _prove_ to her that he’s not just a nice guy, he can and will dominate her in every way. 

He doesn’t even realize he’s climbing on top of her until he’s there. And then he takes advantage of the situation and palms madly at her chest, kisses her neck. He almost finishes in his pants when he feels how wet she is under her pajama pants. He wants to make her cum, just this once, and he’ll never want for anything again. He starts playing with her clit and mumbling incoherent, horny nonsense until he decides this cannot be real. 

“You’re mine, Rey. Say it.” 

The words leave his lips before he can stop them but he doesn’t regret it. 

“I’m yours." She moans. "I’m yours, Kylo.” 

_Fuck._ His girl feels the same way he does. 

Right? He needs to be sure. 

“You belong to me. Say it.” 

“Yes, yes, yes. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh _fuuuuck_.” 

Apparently the thought of belonging to him is so incredible that she orgasms almost instantly after. That’s certainly enough confirmation for him. 

He holds her close to his chest afterwards and whispers everything that’s gone through his head over the last week. Well, everything that won’t scare her. She clearly _really_ likes her possessive man, so he doesn’t tamp down on that at all. 

She’s his perfect little pillow princess and that’s okay. He’ll never come again if it means she gets off. 

He waits until she’s breathing rhythmically, a tell-tale sign of sleep, to say everything else that’s plaguing his brain. He hopes she's dreaming about it. 

He’s going to marry her. He’s going to fill her with his cum over and over and never let her leave his sight. She can finish on his tongue every night and he’ll lap up her juices and be her loyal fucking slave. He has no idea what he did to deserve her, but now that they’re together she’s his forever. He’ll never fucking let her go, she’ll never be able to get rid of him. 

He kisses the back of her head and whispers “mine.” She must still be awake, because she cuddles against him harder in agreement. He draws her as close as he can and sighs contentedly. 

He’s never felt this way about a woman before. 

He never thought he wanted to. 

He feels himself slipping further down a rabbit hole he never knew existed. That nagging emptiness is filled with something now. Purpose. 

Is this how Ben feels about Kira? It must be. This is love. He loves Rey. He loves her so much. 

She’s clearly just as crazy about him, or this night wouldn’t have happened. He’s so lucky. She won’t ever hurt him. She’s too sweet. 

So perfect. 

His girl, his Rey.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter update, but a pivotal point for our poor protagonist :(

Rey’s eyes flutter open a few hours later. She’s still tangled in Kylo’s limbs. He’s warm like a furnace against her, but even in his sleep, he radiates an unstable energy that makes her teeth chatter. 

There’s a nagging at the base of her skull, one that says, ‘so what are we gonna do about last night?’ She decides to ignore it for now. This situation requires serious finesse to avoid awkwardness and she’s far too hungover for that. 

She pries herself away from his sleeping form inch by inch. Her head is pounding, and she needs ibuprofen and copious amounts of toast. Hell, she might even start the day with a sandwich or three. Alcohol gives her worse munchies than weed ever could. 

She’s just finished her second PB&J when she hears Kylo padding down the hallway. She heard him enter the bathroom a few minutes ago, so she’s already prepared for the flagrant violation of her solitude. 

“Mornin’, baby,” he purrs. He corners her into the counter with his arms, then presses a firm kiss against her forehead. He lingers against her and takes a deep breath through his nose. “Mm. Y’smell like peanut butter.” 

He leans down and catches her lips in his, softly, reverently, like he isn’t an absolute creep. Like he really does love her. For some reason the action is calming. And why shouldn’t it be? No one has ever loved her. No one has ever wanted her for their own, or stuck around. Not even her parents. 

Rey feels her hands move up to grasp his shirt when he pulls away. She needs to linger in this feeling of being desired while it’s still here. 

“Taste like it too.” He’s grinning down at her, face still bowed. Their noses could almost touch like this. 

“Oh,” she murmurs. “There might be an explanation for that.” 

“Don’t worry.” His eyes flit to the open breadbox, half-empty jars, and crumbs on the counter. “It’s our little secret.” 

His breath is cool on her skin, and minty when it hits her nose. 

Her eyes widen. “Kylo?” 

“Mhm?”

“Did you use my toothbrush?” 

“Yeah, why?” He quirks an eyebrow. “Do you want your germs back?” 

She opens her mouth to protest, but then he’s leaning down and sticking his tongue in it, and all she can do is stand there and take it. 

Then they’re kissing in earnest. He’s worked his hand around the hair at the base of her neck and is pulling her down so he has better access to her mouth. And oh, it feels good. So good. He’s so unhinged and intense and such an excellent fucking kisser. And he loves her. He wants her. The idea is as horrifying as it is exhilarating for an orphan that’s never experienced healthy attachment. 

She wonders what Finn would say if she told him the whole story. 

He’d probably be so disappointed in the way she’s letting Kylo lift her onto the counter and tighten his arms around her little waist, the way she’s letting him grind against her core, the way she’s keening into his mouth because he loves her and he wants her and it feels good in more ways than one. Because Kylo is clearly dangerous. Any rational third party would say so. 

When Kylo tugs her pajamas and panties off and starts flattening and laving his entire tongue against her clit, she curls her fingers in his hair and decides she’ll never tell anyone the whole story. She already knows he’s dangerous and she won’t give anyone else the opportunity to say so. 

He scares her a little bit but he loves her and he wants her. It’s her little secret. 

She’s so loud when she finishes that it makes her ears ring. There have been tears streaming down her cheeks the entire time and she only notices when she starts coming down. 

Kylo makes a slurping sound against her entrance and then stands back up to his full height. He looks smug when he sees her tears. She still doesn’t know if it was the intensity of the orgasm or the intensity of the situation that made her cry, so maybe he _should_ look smug. 

“Thanks for breakfast, baby.” 

Rey just nods. 

Kylo reaches over her and grabs a cup from the cabinet. He’s filling it with water and taking a sip when his phone starts buzzing in his back pocket. 

“Hey, ma…oh. Yeah. Nope. At my girlfriend’s place.”

She bristles. Girlfriend? Yeah, par for the course. God, he’s telling his fucking mother about her. 

_Because he loves you._

Rey shakes her head. 

_You’re gonna push him away like everyone else in your life. Hitting on Hux just wasn’t enough, you have to hurt him more._

He’s still talking and she’s crying again, just dripping away like the faucet on the sink. 

“Mm. Yeah I got all my refills. Doc’s not making me come back til next month. Love ya too, ma. Nope. Dad sucks. Haha! Okay, okay, bye.”

He shoves his phone back into his pocket and turns to face her. “My mom said hi.” 

“Oh. Hi to your mom.” 

He chuckles. “Well, she’s off the phone now.” 

“Kylo, what do you need meds for?” Rey blurts. It’s pointed but she needs to know. 

“Oh. I don’t really want to talk about it yet.” He looks taken aback. He scratches the back of his neck. “Is that okay?” 

She nods. Whatever it is, he’s medicated. 

He’s clearly irritated but she just can’t stop. 

“Why did you say I’m your girlfriend?” 

“Uh.” He just blinks at her for a second. “Aren’t you?” 

“I mean we haven’t even talked about it yet. And we only just had our first dinner…two days ago.” 

Kylo shrugs his shoulders. “When you know, you know.” 

“How many girlfriends have you had?” 

He hums. “Counting you? Three.” 

“How long did those relationships last?” 

“Three months and six weeks and…hopefully forever. You?” 

Rey shakes her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a real boyfriend. I mean, I’ve messed around with guys, but I’ve never dated them.” 

Kylo’s eyes narrow at her and he slams the water down on the counter so hard that liquid sloshes around the edges.

“How many guys have you _messed around_ with, Rey? How many guys have you fucked?” 

Rey’s eyes narrow right back. She’s irritated now too. 

“Why does it matter? I didn’t know you.” 

“You should have waited.” 

“Did you wait, Kylo?” 

He exhales sharply through his nose. “No.” 

“So why does it matter, then?” 

“Because you’re mine.” 

“I can still be yours if I’ve been fucked before. Holy shit, Kylo. Do you even hear yourself right now?” 

“I’m sorry.” Kylo clears his throat and straightens against the counter. “I just…you make me feel crazy. Like I’m losing it. Doing shit I’ve never done, feeling shit I’ve never felt. I’ve never even told a woman I love her before and here I am, blurting it at you because I already fucking mean it. I don’t even know what you feel like inside and knowing someone else does…the way it makes me…it just hurts. Because they didn’t love you. I love you. I need you.”

Rey’s brain buzzes. _He loves me. He needs me._

“Kylo…” Rey frowns. “I didn’t think about it like that, okay? I don’t know how these things work. No one…no one has ever loved me.” 

“I know.” Kylo makes quick work of the distance between them. His arms snake around her and he strokes her hair. “Not like me, baby. Never like me.” 

She sobs into his neck and lets him carry her back to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey has deep-seated issues in this fic, please do not hold her to the standards of an emotionally mature adult because she is aaabsssooollluuuutteeeellly not there if that's not glaringly obvious enough. 
> 
> Be mad at Kylo. He's the bad guy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our babies get to know each other better, and rey finds another very compelling reason to put up with kylo's strange behavior 
> 
> (buckle up, tho, cuz shit's gonna hit the fan after this)

Rey is surprised that Kylo makes no moves to touch her. He deposits her into her bed as unceremoniously as possible, yawns, then climbs in next to her and nuzzles his face into her neck. 

“Hangover feeling better?” He whispers, and her body immediately tenses at the contact of his voice against her neck. It tickles. 

Rey nods. 

Kylo snakes his arms around her waist and pulls her tight. Close. She’s never particularly enjoyed spooning, but she doesn’t feel like it’s in her best interest to argue that point. Kylo can’t seem to let her stray more than a few inches without immediately rectifying the situation. 

“Missed you a lot yesterday.” 

Rey wants to sigh. He’s needy. Too needy, but she’ll count her blessings. It’s better than not being needed at all. So instead of snapping, she responds with the gentlest, “we were only apart for a few hours, Kylo,’ that she can manage. 

“Mhm.” He presses a kiss on her cheek. He has to shuffle a bit to accommodate the effort. “But we should never be apart.” 

Her heart flops. There’s that double-edged sword again, the desperation and the desire. Only one is becoming of a 6’3 man that could smush her like a bug. 

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” she murmurs back noncommittally. “I value my personal space.” 

Kylo chuckles in her ear. Did he even hear her? 

“I value your personal spaces. All of ‘em.” One hand travels up to grope at her chest, and the other finds its destination much further south at the juncture between her legs. “Don’t worry, baby. I won’t breathe down your neck.” 

_Funny choice of words_, she thinks, _when you’re literally breathing down my neck in this position._ He kneads using both hands and she moans helplessly. 

“My mom’s coming to visit next week. She wants to meet you. Okay?” 

The words are hardly out of his mouth before she’s thinking of ways to weasel out of it. 

“Yeah, that sounds great.” 

_Be nice. He loves you. Maybe she’ll love you, too._

“My brother and his kids are coming up in August. ‘Bout a month and a half out. You gotta come to that, too.” 

Rey flips over to face him. “Brother?” “Oh. Yeah, I have a brother.” He winces. “Twin. His name’s Ben.” 

“Is he the evil twin?” Rey asks, eyebrow raised. She’s mostly joking, but she also wants to prepare for someone that might be more intense than Kylo. She’s not sure she could handle it. 

Apparently this is the right question to ask. Kylo is positively _beaming_ as he pulls her into a bruising kiss. 

He breaks away too quickly. “Yep. Total loser. Hate that guy, but what can ya do when you’ve shared a womb?” 

_Loser, huh?_

“I mean, you’re a super successful IT guy with a cool apartment. Art on the walls. Hard to measure up.” Rey’s nose crinkles when she smiles. She likes complimenting Kylo because he makes the most incredulous face. “I’m a loser compared to you, too. I’ll be lucky if I can find a waitressing job and I couldn’t name a single artist that didn’t die a hundred years ago.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Kylo presses a kiss on each of her eyelids, then the tip of her nose. “You know Picasso, right?” 

“Mhm.”

“He died in ’73. Not even fifty years ago. So you’re not as bad off as you think.” 

Rey snorts. “I feel so much better.” 

“S’what I’m here for.” 

Rey goes in to press a kiss against his cheek. He’s being normal, and when he’s normal, he’s so charming that she knows she could date him in earnest. She’s just got to quietly ward that weird obsessive streak away. His next girlfriend will thank her. 

“So what does your brother do?”

Kylo’s face goes blank. She can’t read the emotions on his face as well as usual. 

She’s just about to apologize when Kylo finally speaks. “He’s an aeronautics engineer with a PhD and I’m actually not allowed to know what it is that he actually does, because I’m a civilian and I don’t have any government clearance. I think he works like ninety hour weeks or something.” 

Rey barks out a laugh. “Kylo, that actually does sound horrible. Jesus. Didn’t you say he has kids?” 

Kylo’s expression is still inscrutable, but he manages a nod. 

“God, I bet he never sees them. I couldn’t do that. Is he married?”

“Yeah, lady named Kira. She’s nice.” 

“Nicer than me.” Rey shakes her head. “I just wanna work my forty hours and go home. What’s the point if you never see your husband?” She squints at Kylo for a second, still attempting to read his facial expression. She thinks he’s relieved but she also senses something malevolent bubbling under the surface, and she hopes she didn’t offend him. 

“You’re not some kind of workaholic, are you?”

“The opposite,” Kylo manages. He’s studying her now, hard and intense. “When we get married, you’ll have my undivided attention.” 

Rey feels her face flush. _Married?_

“Well, that’s good to know.” It’s fine. She’ll let him have it. Not like it’ll actually ever happen, and she doesn’t want to fight right now. “Same here, I think. Haven’t really put much thought into how I’ll be as a wife, though, so don’t hold me to that.” 

He ignores that, she thinks, because his facial expression doesn’t change and he’s changing the subject immediately. 

“So you don’t think Ben sounds better than Kylo?” 

“Nope. Shit, you’re already pretty outta my league,” Rey chuckles, mostly to herself, but also to let Kylo know she’s being genuine. “Like I said…an IT guy that knows what year Picasso died can do much better than a 22-year-old trash heap that used to collect cans for spare change. The kids at school called me ‘scavenger.’ There was this guy—Teedo, yeah, that’s him—once he filled my locker with scrap metal to fuck with me and it made me cry big, ugly, happy tears because I’d be able to afford a McChicken after detention.” 

Kylo’s face hardens and she immediately starts backtracking. 

“Oh—sorry, I guess. I don’t really have parents. I grew up in the system with Finn, so we were poor, and…well, the guy that had us when we were 16 ran some enormous junkyard outside the city. The kind of place that charges people $400 to drop off a couch when they’re desperate and moving and then it just sits there for 20 years. But he was nice enough. Would give us top rates for scraps.” 

He’s just laying there, blinking at her.

She’s rambling. 

“I know it sounds bad. I _know._ But I’m gonna get a job here and I’m gonna go to school. I think I wanna do Business Administration, like Rose. I qualify for some grants and I know I can write something compelling enough to get an orphan scholarship.” 

He’s still not saying anything. 

She’s panicking. 

“I’m sorry. I just—I don’t tell people about these things right off the bat, you know? I don’t want you to feel bad for me.” 

Kylo pulls his bottom lip into his mouth.

She wants to cry. 

“Do you still love me?” She blurts. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m so fucked.” 

She really feels like she might cry, then, but Kylo pulls her back into him with more force than ever. His breathing is strained. 

“Of course I love you, baby girl. I was lost thinking about how nice it would be to choke the life out of that Teedo prick.” 

“Yeah, been there.” Rey huffs a chuckle against his chest. There’s an undercurrent of relief to it. Her heart can beat steadily again because she hasn’t pushed him away with her sob story. His immediate reaction was to defend her. He loves her and he wants to defend her. No one has ever wanted to defend her. “But the McChicken was delicious, so I got over it real fast.” 

“Can I ask what happened to your parents?” 

Rey nods. He pulls her closer, like he’s bracing for her to say something horrible, but she just laughs again. 

“You can ask, but I don’t have an answer. I spent years thinking they might come back for me, but I’m pretty sure they’re dead. Don’t wanna look into it anymore.” 

“Noted.” 

She lays against him for a few minutes, inviting his warmth. His scent is compelling, she gets a whiff of her own hand-soap and then something that’s spicy and peppery and unmistakably Kylo. He really is great when he’s not saying weird things. He didn’t even hit her with that look of pity, the one she’s gotten from anyone that’s ever known her at more than an arm’s length. Rey is formidable and she can take care of herself. Kylo _must_ know that, or he would have given her the look. He gets it. He understands. And he loves her. That’s heady and intoxicating in and of itself. 

“Rey?” 

“Mmhmm?” 

“I’m a convicted felon.” 

Rey works hard to keep her body from betraying the panic a statement like that elicits, especially with no context. 

“Oh. That’s nice, sweetie.” 

_The fuck? Did that really just come out of my mouth?_

She feels Kylo’s mutual confusion in the way his hold on her changes. “I beat a guy half to death and stole his car. Wasn’t the first time I beat the hell out of someone, not entirely sure it’ll be the last. But yeah, I take Celexa to keep the rage and impulsivity down. I started on Zoloft but it made me a zombie.” 

“I can see why you wouldn’t want to bring that up earlier,” Rey nods into his chest. She can’t decide if this information scares her or not. She thinks she needs more information. “How long ago was that?”

“Shit. Six years?” 

She nods again, mostly to herself this time. Six years. A lot can change in six years.

“Did you go to prison?” 

“Fuck no.” Kylo snorts, like the answer should have been obvious. “Did get put on house arrest for six months, though. Metric shit ton of community service.” 

Well, if they didn’t put him in prison, he can’t be _that_ dangerous. She’s convinced enough for now. He’s still allowed to love her and make her feel good. 

“Feels like we’re in a romcom. The orphan scavenger meets the handsome tech God with anger issues. Hilarity ensues.” 

Kylo dips his head back and laughs. It’s deep, and she feels his chest rumbling against her face. It feels good to make him laugh, to make him feel better. She’s fucked up and so is he. Peas in a pod. 

“Mmm. So glad I found you, Rey. Sweet girl.” 

He pulls away from her for a moment and then works his thumb and forefinger around her chin. He jerks her face up, maybe a little too rough, but she doesn’t have time to yelp before his lips are crashing down on hers. He plants a sweet, almost loving series of kisses on her lips, then coaxes her mouth open by tracing his tongue along her bottom lip. She lets him in, eagerly. 

He pulls away just enough to speak without being muffled. 

“My parents own the complex.” 

Kylo has a habit of dropping bombshells and then collapsing on top of her before she can respond, so she jerks her face away so his lips land on her cheek instead. 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah. They’re…well. They’ve got money. That’s why I didn’t go to prison. I could tell you were wondering, saw that pretty little face thinking about it.” 

Now that he knows that _she_ knows his tricks, he holds her face steady while he goes in for the next kiss. 

Rey’s hardly focusing on the feeling of his lips anymore. _Money._ She’s never had money until now, and even then, it’s finite. It has a tangible expiration date and the thought gives her anxiety on a daily basis. 

Kylo can give her love _and_ financial security. Their kids will never have to steal empty soda cans from the trash after lunch. Shit, maybe he’ll buy her a car. 

“Fuck,” she whispers against his lips. He must think it’s because he’s kissing her so well, because he groans and grinds his hips against her thigh. She can feel how hard he is already, just from kissing. 

He _wants_ her and he has money and a mother and a father. A brother. Nieces and nephews, from the sound of it. It’s everything she’s ever wanted and the universe has handed it to her on a silver, scary platter. No way is she fucking things up with Kylo. She doesn’t care how weird he is sometimes. She can learn to love him through it. The key to the belonging she’s sought since she scratched and clawed her way out of the womb is laying right next to her. 

It’s a very Atlanta Rey thought process, but Boise Rey is not particularly deterred herself. She almost wants to feel evil, but he’s the one pursuing her. And she liked him well enough before this little revelation. 

She wonders why he didn’t mention the money before. He probably didn’t think it was important until now. Until he found out she was poor. That she’s struggled. That it would be an enticing trait for him, one that might ensure she gave him the chance he wants. Their insecurities are compatible and they’re both bad people for taking advantage. 

She doesn’t care. She’s kissing him harder and pushing her hands under the waistband of his boxers to wrap her fingers around the thick, long cock that’s begging for her. He groans under her touch and bucks his hips in what she recognizes as involuntary wanting. 

Her fingers grip a bit harder. He bucks again, more pointedly this time. 

“I wanna use my mouth.” She pants against his cheek. “Can I use my mouth, baby?” 

He whines and paws at her shoulders to pull her down. She takes that as a yes. He doesn’t seem like the kind of man that likes to be tantalized, so she presses a few wet kisses against his neck and collarbone and then makes her descent. He’s already tugging his boxers off in the meantime, so when she’s finally at dick-level, she’s face-to-face with his enormous, proud, dripping hardness. 

She cups his balls with one hand and presses a kiss against the tip. She knows she won’t be able to take the whole thing, and she’s not even going to try, so her free hand wraps against the base of his shaft to pump in time with her mouth. 

So she’s a practiced blow queen. Sue her. 

Rey understands it’s about the excitement and not the build-up with blow-jobs. Men don’t typically appreciate teasing with oral the way a woman would, at least in her experience. So she just enthusiastically swallows as much as she can fit in her mouth and matches the movement with her hand. 

Kylo’s fingers are tangled in her hair about five seconds later. He’s pulling and pushing and forcing as much as he can down her throat. It’s in no way romantic—it’s desperate for him, but the roughness is what he needs. He hits the back of her throat and she coughs involuntarily. That makes his entire cock throb. He must want her to choke. 

Every five pumps or so, she lets him hit the back of her throat. The effort makes her cough. She’s making slobbery, sloppy sounds, grunting, panting through her nose and she’s pretty sure he knows the effort is making her cry. He doesn’t care, he just pushes her down harder. She doesn’t know why she loves it so much. 

Kylo finishes fast, probably in about five minutes, but it feels like forever to Rey. She’s never put that much effort into a blowjob. But he loves her and he has money and she hasn’t gotten him off yet. 

Now he won’t want to leave her, she thinks, as he cums in hot, thick spurts down her mouth. She swallows with vigor and gives an extra suck for good measure. 

That empties out the rest of the cum, but it makes his whole body jerk and he yanks her off of his dick with her hair almost immediately after. 

“Don’t do that,” he hisses, then groans. “You’ll fucking kill me.”

His eyes flutter shut and he falls back onto the pillow. Rey kisses back up his body and curls back into his chest, where she feels the best. 

“I don’t even want to know why you’re so fucking good at that. _Fuck._ My little Rey isn’t as innocent as I thought.” 

She knows he’s jealous of her former partners, so she doesn’t tease him about it. He starts working a hand through her hair idly, like he's thanking her for staying silent. 

“Mine. Mine forever. Rey fucking Solo. Gonna take care of you for the rest of your life.” 

The words elicit a strange mixture of comfort and arousal in her. 

“Kylo,” She nuzzles deeper into his chest. “_please._” She doesn’t know if she’s begging for his touch or just desperately hoping that what he’s saying is true. 

She doesn’t know anything anymore. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i promise this chapter has a point later. might seem a little out of left field now, but just enjoy it ;)
> 
> kylo's POV. here, meet the family 
> 
> also the chapter count went up again. crazy. wild. who would have guessed i'd fall in love with this story :/

Rey isn’t around anymore when Kylo wakes up for the second time. He’s gonna have to get used to it. His girl doesn’t like to lay around all day. 

He rolls onto her pillow to inhale as much of her scent as possible, but he’s surprised when he breathes in a piece of paper instead. He sits up a bit and squints. 

_Sleepyhead—_

_I went for a run. Back in an hour._

_It’s 2:45 right now and you’re drooling so please change the pillowcase if you’re leaving before I get back. _

_— Rey _

Rey might be the only human being he knows that still bothers with an alarm clock. It’s blinking, blaring ‘3:13’ in bold, red numbers. 

Kylo immediately slips out of bed. 

He has exactly thirty-two minutes to ransack every inch of this apartment. He’d declare this Christmas in July but it’s still June. 

First thing’s first: he stuffs the panties she was wearing last night into the pocket of his sweatpants. Next he rifles through her bedside drawers. There’s a vibrator under a thick folder that says _Skywalker at Sunridge_. He wishes he could take that, too, but then she wouldn’t have help when she thinks of him at night. And he knows she’ll be thinking of him, because she occupies his every waking thought and that only makes sense. He carefully replaces the folder and goes for her closet. 

It’s shockingly bare, but she only arrived with one suitcase, so that’s fine. It’s clearly segregated between ‘business’ and ‘workout’ clothes, with very little in-between. Some old t-shirts, one says NASA and the other has the words *NSYNC on it. 

Must be ironic. He’ll have to start leaving some of his favorite t-shirts over here, help build up her collection. They’ll probably swallow her whole but he knows girls can work around that with some strategically placed hair-ties. He’s seen Kira do it for Ben’s clothes—back when they first started dating, and when Kylo was privy to that sort of behavior. Kira looked so cute walking through their shared apartment in those big t-shirts, back when she was still young and hadn’t had three children with the worst human on the planet. 

Rey’s still young and she has no kids with Ben. 

And Rey knows Ben’s just a workaholic fraud. She practically said so yesterday. If he wasn’t in love with her before, he’d really be in love with her now. 

There’s a lot more to explore. He learns a lot about her from the kitchen. She has a shiny, chrome toaster and the box for it is sitting next to her trash can. The bread she uses is full of essential grains and fiber. And she must really like avocados—there’s a whole drawer full of them in her fridge. Hummus, too. Her freezer is full of beef and chicken. So she eats well and works out religiously. 

Kira always fancied herself a vegetarian, basically lived on fake frozen chicken until she got pregnant and her doctor yelled at her for her B-12 levels. Kylo smiles to himself at the memory. Rey’s doctor is never going to yell at her for anything. She’s already perfect. Another point for Kylo in his mental tally against his brother. 

There are vitamins in the cupboard, tons of them. Even better. Rey’s basically gonna live forever. 

He squats down to inspect the oven. It’s perfectly clean. Honestly, the whole place is cleaner than he imagines a 22-year-old’s apartment would be. She’s even cleaned up the messes of pizza boxes and booze at some point between this morning and now. He wonders how long she was awake before she decided to go for a run. Did she watch him sleep for a while? He would have, if he’d gotten the chance. 

It’s 3:30 now, and Rey could be home any minute. Sometimes she takes shorter runs and that’s probably going to be the case with the hangover. 

He props himself up on her couch and starts messing with the remote. He scrolls through, pretty mindlessly, on the Continue watching for Rey row of her Netflix app. She’s already made herself a profile on his and Ben’s account, which is exactly what he wanted when he logged her in last night. Ben should be calling him about it any minute now. And he knows his mom has already said something to Ben about ‘that idiot Kylo’ having a girlfriend. His mom’s a busybody and she can’t keep shit to herself. 

When Kylo’s failing, he hates it, but right now he’s pretty much winning with his young, hot girlfriend who thinks Ben is the loser. 

He hears his phone ringing from the bedroom and groans. 

As if on cue, Ben’s giving him a phone call. It’s Sunday and Kylo just wants to bum around his hot girlfriend’s apartment while she runs. He’ll mention that for sure. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey Kyky!” Kira’s voice sings. He smiles, even though he doesn’t want to. Kira’s always had a soft spot for him and she’s probably the only reason he still has a relationship with Ben or the rest of his family at all. “What’s up?”

“Not much, what’s up with you?” 

“Nothing. Um, Hanna wanted to ask you a question. I couldn’t find my phone so I used Ben’s. Anyway…” There’s some shuffling and rumbling on the other side, and Kylo’s niece’s voice is suddenly booming through the speaker like she’s got the microphone stuck in her mouth. 

“Hi Uncle Kyky!” 

He fights a sigh. He loves his nieces—really, he does—but he wishes they were older already. Children gross him out and these are the only ones he’ll even pretend to tolerate. 

“Hey, Hanna. How are you?” 

“I’m good. Nana said you have a girlfriend. Is she gonna be my aunt?” 

Kylo laughs. Okay, maybe Hanna’s not so bad. “I sure hope so, Hanna. You’re gonna meet her in August. Then you can tell me if you like her so I can officially ask if she’ll be your aunt.” 

“I like her _now_ Uncle Kyky. Mommy says she’s pretty.” 

“How does your mommy know she’s pretty?” 

He hears Kira whispering “no, no, hush” beyond the speaker, but Hanna’s a lot like him, so Kylo knows it’s not going to stop her. He smirks. 

“Nana ran a backyard chest on her!” 

“You mean a background check, sweetie?” 

“Mmmmhm! Mommy is making me give the phone back now. I love you!” 

“Love you too, Hanna.” 

Kira huffs into the mic and Kylo can’t help but grin. 

“Sorry, Ky. Probably a better way to tell you about that.” 

“Don’t worry. I’d be worried if Leia didn’t pull some shit like that.” Kylo shrugs even though Kira can’t see him. “She ran one on you, too.” 

“Yeah, don’t remind me. I couldn’t believe she asked about my possession charge when we met. I hadn’t even told Ben about it yet.” 

Kylo laughs and starts walking back to the living room. He’s hoping to still be on the phone when Rey gets home so the two most important women in his life can get to know each other. 

“Anyway… Just be careful, okay? She seems nice, I’m excited to meet her. I just know you fall fast and ask questions later.“ 

“Nah.” Kylo’s face falls because he doesn’t want to have this conversation with his sister-in-law. If she was anyone else, he’d be really mean about it. But since it’s Kira… “Don’t worry about me. All good.” 

“Got it, Ky. I just worry.” She turns her face from the speaker. “Don’t pull on mommy’s dress, Hope. Mellie—Mellie, put the pots away!” She’s cursing under her breath when she turns her attention back to the phone. “Can the girls sing you a song real quick? _Please_? Just to get it out of their systems.” 

“Sure.” 

He puts the phone on speaker and nestles back into the couch. The girls are singing something absolutely horrible that he doesn’t recognize and he can basically see Mellie’s determined expression, hitting the pots as hard as humanly possible. It makes a terrible sound and she loves it, the absolute demon. 

Rey’s walking in but she doesn’t say anything about the egregious symphony pouring out of Kylo’s phone, just quirks a brow. 

“Nieces,” he mouths, and she nods like she understands before collapsing into his lap. She’s sweaty as hell and slips perfectly between his legs, because that’s exactly where she belongs. 

He’s licking at Rey’s neck when his nieces finally settle down and he hears Hope ask, “Did you like it, Uncle Kyky?!” 

“Yep. Aunt Rey heard it too. She said you guys should go on America’s Got Talent. Wanna talk to her?” 

The girls squeal in unison and Rey’s eyes widen like she’s horrified. Kylo holds the phone to her and winks and he’s pretty sure she’s going to kill him. He hopes she chokes him, at least. Maybe smothers him between her thighs. That would be a great way to go. 

“Uh. Hi.” 

The girls squeal again. 

“I love you Aunt Rey. Mommy said you’re pretty but I’m not allowed to see you until we visit Nana and Uncle Kyky.” 

Kylo mouths “Hope” so she’ll know who to address. 

“Thank you, Hope. Um. I love you too? I don’t know what you look like, either. I guess we’ll find out when you come up here.” 

Hope squeals _again_ and he hears Mellie and Hanna clamoring over each other to tell Rey they love her, too. They do. Several times. Rey just parrots it back with the blankest expression he’s ever seen, because she doesn’t know what else to do. 

Eventually Kira picks the phone back up and shoos the girls away. He swears he hears her mumble something about scaring Rey away before they ever meet her. 

“Hi, Rey. I’m Kira, Ben’s wife.”

“Hi, Kira. Uh. How are you?” 

Rey sounds so awkward. Kylo’s girl is better at talking to kids than adults and that endears her to him even more. He pulls her back to his chest again and starts nibbling against her shoulder, letting his fingers wander wherever the hell they please. 

“I’m good, I’m good. I have to let you go, but I’m excited to meet you. Take care of my best friend.” 

Rey chokes out a, “yes ma’am,” before the line clicks because that’s all she can manage with Kylo’s fingers probing against her sex. She tosses the phone onto the armchair and glares at him, but doesn’t stop his fingers’ relentless ministrations. 

“I have no idea how I’m going to survive your brother’s visit,” she breathes, eventually. Her legs are shaking and he can tell she’s close. “I’m so bad with kids.” 

“They’re easy. I’ll help.” He adjusts his grip on her and slips a finger inside. His breath catches at how eagerly she squeezes around him. “Mmmm, so fucking tight. God I love you.” 

His face collapses into the crook of her neck and he inhales all of the sweet, spicy, earthy, sweaty scents Rey emits. 

“You guys say that a lot, huh?” 

The question throws him off for a second. He slides in another finger for good measure and curls up. 

“Nah. Just Kira. And the kids, but they learned it from her, not Ben. Definitely not my parents.” 

He’s fingering her in earnest now and it only takes a few seconds for her to crumble into his lap completely. 

“So sensitive.” He shakes his head and sucks relentlessly into the crook of her neck. “All for me.” 

She nods. They stay curled together for a while, Rey pressed firmly against his front, before she finally kicks him out to take a shower and apply for jobs. 

He doesn’t mind, though he also wouldn’t have minded another blowjob. He has her panties at least and they’re burning a hole in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so two of the niece names are an homage to my absolute favorite writer on this site, [amybeegood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybeegood/pseuds/amybeegood/works).
> 
> please read everything she's ever written. 
> 
> and then mellie because logan lucky is great ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the only slow burn in this fic was slow burn psycho kylo but I WARNED YOU 
> 
> a twist or two idk let's just get the psycho party started

Rey decides to avoid Kylo for a bit. She can’t think properly when he’s around, kissing her and whispering sweet nothings into her ear like she means everything to him. It’s crazy. They’ve hardly known each other for a week and he already knows exactly which insecurities to prey on. She doubts it’s intentional. He’s either a great guesser or her actual soulmate, and she can’t tell which is worse. 

In any case—there is thinking to be done. And she’s not going to do that in her stuffy apartment. 

So she’ll stay with Rose for a few days. She won’t be bothered there. For all of Kylo’s protestations about love and marriage and meeting his mother, he hasn’t bothered to ask for her phone number yet. Which is just as well, since she knows she’ll come crawling back for some of his sweet validation the moment he offers it. It’s funny how predictable she is, even to herself. A well-timed “I love you” and promise to be ingratiated into a well-established, wealthy family…well. That’s all it takes, really. 

She’s still working up the nerve to ask Rose about where to get weed. It’s not that she’s ashamed, it’s just been nice to avoid old crutches while she adjusts to her new life. She needs the clarity a hazy high offers now, if only to make a finite decision on whether or not she’s fucking up. 

Maybe it’s not an issue of whether or not she’s fucked up anymore, just how _badly_ she’s fucked up, and whether or not she’ll be salvageable after. 

She scribbles a note to leave on Kylo’s door. 

_Staying with friends, back Thursday. - Rey_

She keeps it intentionally vague, only because the worst parts of her brain want to prey on the fact that he’ll worry. She almost wants to feel bad about it but can’t bring herself to. There’s something tantalizing about playing with fire. Besides, he’s thoroughly mind-fucking her. She might as well mind-fuck him back. 

Said mind goes into overdrive while she stuffs her carry-on with t-shirts and leggings. She’s already let Rose know that she’ll be taking up a near-permanent residency on her couch for the next few days, and that she has next to no interest in going out in the meantime. Snap’s taken to the bedroom now so the living room will be nice and vacant for her. And Poe is apparently eager to see who can eat an entire large pepperoni pizza faster, thus settling a bet they made two nights ago. 

Hux hasn’t spoken to her much. She can’t blame him, really. She was teasing him one minute and clearly crawling into bed with his childhood friend the next. 

She doesn’t know what Kylo might do with that information if it ever comes to light. She especially doesn’t know why she feels a sharp pang of guilt every time it crosses her mind. Just another thing to figure out while she’s baked half to death on Rose’s couch. 

She fixes the note so it’s peeking out from under Kylo’s welcome mat, dusts her thighs off, and hops into an Uber with luggage in tow. 

Boise Rey is whimsical like that. Mysterious. _Inscrutable_. 

— 

“Okay. Truth or drink, part one.” Rose’s voice echoes through her apartment, probably into her neighbor’s. Rey doesn’t understand how woman that small could have such a powerful voice box. “Hux, I think you’re my first victim.” 

“Alrighty.” Hux shrugs, indifferent. “Sounds good.” 

“Do you have a crush on anyone right now?” 

Hux picks the worst time to nurse his beer. He snorts and droplets go flying all over Rose’s marble coffee table. She tries to express her disgust, but she can’t manage through a series of oppressive giggles. 

“Jesus.” Hux finally clears his throat and glowers down at Rose with a look that makes _Rey_ want to shrivel up and die. “Could you have picked a more juvenile question?” 

“I’m the one asking the questions here, buddy. Spill.” 

“Yeah.” 

“On who?!” Rose is feigning shock. “Do tell.” 

Rey knows exactly what she’s trying to do. 

She’s been given the “if you want to get over someone, get under someone else” talk about seven times since she’s walked through Rose’s door, and that’s Rose attempting to be subtle. Never mind that Rey doesn’t necessarily want to get over Kylo at all, and getting under someone else would only severely complicate her feelings on the matter. But that’s not what someone as carefree as Rose wants to hear so Rey just politely nods when she brings it up, lest she alienate her new friend in any way. 

“You only get one question, Rosie,” Hux chides. “Alright, Rey. Truth or drink. Who do you hate more than anyone else on Earth?” 

Rey hums and pretends to be deep in thought. Does she even have an answer to that? 

For the sake of being mysterious, she takes a gulp of beer. It has the intended effect—Rose and Poe chuckle and Hux casts her a look like he’s going to ask more about that later. She hopes he doesn’t. She still won’t have an answer. 

“Okay, mine is for…Poe. Truth or drink, what’s something you wish you could unsee?” 

“Oh, that’s easy. You getting eye-fucked by Kylo Ren.” Poe takes a swig of his beer despite answering truthfully. Rey launches a handful of pretzels at him in protest and he decides his best course of action is to pick one off the floor and toss it in his mouth. “Oh, come on. We were all uncomfortable. Right?” 

Rey’s smiling out of politeness, but she doesn’t like being ribbed. Not like this. 

“Well don’t blame Rey for that.” Hux is clearly trying his best not to smirk, and the effort makes his voice waver. “Kylo’s never been very subtle. Not a guy I’d like to piss off, either, so please don’t tell him I said that.” 

“I’m not going to tell him anything,” Rey huffs indignantly. “Can we not talk about my neighbor?” 

“Alright, alright, calm down.” Hux chuckles. “Better Kylo than Ben anyway.” 

Rey’s eyebrows shoot up faster than simple human curiosity could justify. She doesn’t care. She needs more context. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Oh, Ben’s just an ass. Always felt bad for Kylo. Not sure how you can thrive in a household that hates you from the start.” Hux shrugs, a clear signal that the conversation is over. “Okay, Poe. It’s your turn.” 

The questions devolve to comments about romantic lives and the worst places they’ve ever _done it_. It’s all pretty tame compared to the group chat. Rey appreciates that they keep things PG-13 for her, just while she gets acclimated to the friend group. 

Or maybe they just think she can’t handle it. 

Regardless, darkness falls soon enough. It’s a weeknight so Poe and Hux excuse themselves around 10:30. They’re actual adults, unlike Rey; they have jobs and responsibilities and duties that don’t include slicing avocados and going for runs. 

She’s fairly jealous until she wakes up the next morning (or afternoon, really) with the knowledge that she doesn’t have to peel herself off of Rose’s couch for the next four days. 

Except she really has to pee... 

She yawns and stretches and feels around the floor for her cell phone. Finn regularly sends her videos or memes on his commute to work, and she’s committed to pretending they’re funny. It’s just what you do for friends. 

This morning’s a bit different, though. She has six texts and two missed calls from a number she doesn’t recognize—except she _does_ recognize it, because only one person in her life is psychotic enough to text her six times in a row. 

She huffs and saves the mystery number from her call log as “Kylo” before daring to brave the content of the messages. 

**Kylo**  
_Hey it’s your boyfriend. Call me. _

_Are you mad at me?_

_I really need to talk to you _

_Rey. _

_Rey?_

_I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry. Let me fix it. Please. _

Pathetic. 

And sweet and endearing and everything else that she refuses to want to feel for Kylo Ren. 

She growls at herself when she immediately starts replying. Isn’t this what she wanted? No, not really. She can’t fuck with people like this, it’s not in her nature. 

** Rey Palpatine **  
_ I’m not mad at you. I just need to think. I’m sorry for the vague note, I was in a weird headspace when I left it. _

She presses send and huffs again but she doesn’t feel less guilty. She’s used to navigating twenty year old fuckboys, as Finn calls them. Not thirty year old men with real feelings. 

She almost throws her phone at the wall when she realizes that thirty year old men with real feelings don’t _text_ about them. 

They call. 

She’s blinking at the screen. He knows she’s looking at her phone, she texted him five seconds ago. She steels her resolve with a quick inhale and presses her phone against her ear. 

“Hello?”

“Where are you?” 

“I’m fine, how are you?” Rey rolls her eyes and snuggles deeper into the couch. Her screaming bladder can wait. “Oh wait. I see we’re past pleasantries.” 

“I have a right to know where my girlfriend is hiding.” 

“That’s aggressive.” Rey examines her cuticles nonchalantly, trying to pretend his tone doesn’t scare her. “And you actually don’t.” 

“Are you at Rose’s?” 

“Do I have other friends here?” 

“Okay. I’m outside. Come on, bring your shit, we’re going home.” 

Rey’s eyes widen and she disconnects the call. She doesn’t know if she believes him, but somehow he knows where Rose lives and he figured out her phone number and it’s just a little bit too much. Her heart races. Playing with fire really isn’t her forte, she’s sorry she did it, can she wake up from this nightmare now?

She burrows deeper into her mountain of pillows and blankets until she’s interrupted by a series of knocks on the door. They’re unstable, like the person she knows is behind them. 

Kylo’s voice comes in steady and clear. “Let me in, Rey. I’m not going to hurt you. _Fuck._ I just want to talk to you.” 

Rey somehow finds her own voice and yells back at him. “You’re scaring me!” 

“You scared me first!” 

“Go home, Kylo!” 

He tries the handle and of _course_ the fucking door is unlocked. _Thanks for endangering my life, Rose. Nothing bad ever happens in Idaho my ass._ Kylo traipses in like it’s his own apartment and immediately starts tugging blankets off the couch so he can get to her. 

“Kylo, please don’t hurt—“ Rey can’t finish her sentence because Kylo is on top of her now, sobbing into her neck. She’s not sure how he manages to do this so quickly and efficiently, and without crushing her. She’s also not sure why her heart stops beating so fast and she immediately falls into “comfort Kylo” mode. She’s rubbing his back and holding him closer, whispering “shh” and “it’s okay.”

It takes somewhere between three and five minutes—Rey’s in no position to keep an accurate measurement of time—but eventually he pulls away from her, snotty and with red-rimmed eyes. She thinks he’s been crying since last night. Her neck is soaking wet. 

“Why?” 

Rey’s face tightens. She is in no way qualified to help this man through his breakdown. And he’s insane. He loves her and he’s rich and he’s absolutely, positively insane. 

“Why what, Kylo?” 

He sniffles and it’s so pitiful that Rey can’t help but cup his cheek. 

“Why did you hide from me? What did I do?” 

Rey wants to cry, too, she’s so fucking scared right now, but someone has to be the adult here. 

“You didn’t do anything, Kylo. I just needed a few days. I needed…” She trails off for a second and tries to remember to breathe. “I needed some time to decide if I wanted to be your girlfriend. Just—I just moved here, you know?” No, she doesn’t think he knows. He probably doesn’t have the capacity _to_ know. “It’s hard to shack up with the first person you meet. It’s a big commitment.” 

The more Rey speaks, the more Kylo’s frown deepens. 

“I _know_ I’m supposed to be with you, Rey. I know it. You might not realize it, but you’re supposed to be with me, too. I’m your soulmate. It doesn’t matter how long ago we met.” He splays his big, enormous hand over her knee and squeezes. It’s possessive and it almost hurts, like he wants her to know he has a physical edge on her. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Kira went through this too. Ben just had to keep her for a little while, until she realized she loved him. I think I might need to keep you, too.” 

_Oh no. No no no.._

“Kylo, what do you mean by ‘keep’?” Rey tries her best to stay calm but her tone betrays her horror. She’s at Rose’s, and there are people everywhere outside—walking their dogs, pushing babies in strollers. She’s safe because she’s here. She just needs to send a quick text message. 

Rey starts feeling for her phone in the couch and Kylo pulls her back into his side. That's the last straw for her. She cracks and immediately starts begging, in that shaky voice she swore she'd never be pussy enough to use in a situation like this. “Oh, fuck, Kylo. Please don’t hurt me. I love you, I’m sorry I left, I won’t ever leave again.” 

She knows she doesn’t love him now. She thinks he can tell. Her heart is pounding so hard she can feel it in her jugular. 

“If you love me, you’ll come home with me. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” 

Rey nods. A lot. “I love you, Kylo. I’ll come home with you. I just need to call Finn, okay?” 

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Kylo shakes his head. He already has her phone in one hand—how did he find her phone so fast? “You’re really emotional right now. We’ll get dinner first, help you calm down. I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go.” 

“Kylo—“

“Please get your things together. _Now._” 

“…Okay.” 

Rey rises on shaky legs and scurries through the living room to collect her things. She doesn’t know what else to do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some backstory, settling some mysteries
> 
> things are gonna happen really fast after this so hold on tight. 
> 
> TW: discussions of forced pregnancy, financial manipulation

Rey actually does see a woman pushing a stroller while she descends the stairs with Kylo. 

But it seems a little bit risky to involve her, all things considered, and she’s very far away. Rey feels too small to try. She’s sure by the way Kylo’s sweaty hand is engulfing hers that he’s not going to hurt her. He squeezes reassuringly when he pops the trunk and even helps her toss her suitcase in the back. 

Then he tries to kiss her cheek, but she winces involuntarily, and he’s angry again. 

He opens her door for her and slams it shut without actually making sure she’s settled in. Luckily she is, or she might have lost a hand. 

He’s settling into the driver’s side just as angrily. The door slams even harder behind him. 

“Buckle up. Safety first.” 

“Okay.” Rey wants to fix his mood. She thinks this is her fault for fucking with him. “I like your Camry.” 

But that might have been the wrong thing to say, because his face twists into a sneer. 

“I don’t. I had to buy it myself.” There’s a hint of finality at the end, like he doesn’t want her to say anything else. His hand moves to grip her headrest while he backs out. “Totaled one too many nicer cars. This one’s alright, though. Lots of trunk space.”

Rey sincerely can’t tell if that’s a threat or not. The trunk _is_ spacious. It’s currently housing her luggage and she could definitely fit comfortably beside it. Or uncomfortably. It would be up to him. She decides not to press her luck for the time being. 

She wants to keep him talking. If he’s talking he can’t plot. 

“Why don’t you use the backup camera?” 

He slams on the brakes in the middle of the parking lot and she narrowly avoids hitting the dash. He puts the car in park and leans over and peppers her cheek and neck with kisses. Then he’s cupping her chin and kissing her like he’s sucking the life out of her. She lets him until someone starts honking at them. He grumbles something unintelligible and starts driving again. 

Rey doesn’t say anything after that. She doesn’t want him to repeat that behavior on the actual road; she’d rather let him plot silently than have both of them die. Rose doesn’t live far from them, so she just has to refrain from distracting Kylo for about ten minutes. 

“We’ll get through this, baby,” he eventually offers. “Kira and Ben are very happy together, you know. She didn’t realize how much she needed him at first. I love you more than Ben loves Kira, though. I won’t hurt you no matter what.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Rey can’t fight the whimper that escapes her throat. Her eyes are clouding with tears but she tries, really tries to coax more information out of him. It’s hard. She never imagined it would be this hard; she’s never had this much adrenaline coursing through her body. “How did they meet?” 

“He was a TA for one of her classes. MIT. It was a lower level Intro to Physics course, and he was a grad student. I think. I don’t really know how that works, I didn’t go to college.” 

“Oh.” He’s smiling so Rey tries to smile back when she responds. She’s sure it looks more like a grimace. “I didn’t go to college, either.”

“I know, baby.” 

“So they dated in college?” 

“I wouldn’t say they dated back then.” Kylo shrugs. “Ben says he fell in love with her when he saw her Student ID. Most people take really ugly ID pictures and hers was just gorgeous. I didn’t understand that until I saw _your_ ID, then the reasoning clicked.” 

“When did you see my ID?” Rey asks hesitantly. “I haven’t shown it to you.” 

Kylo chuckles like that’s not insane. “I processed your move-in paperwork. Sorry, I’ll get to all that when we’re home.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

“He tried to ask her out on a few dates, but she was really dedicated to her studies. Brilliant girl, really. Wanted to do something with software engineering, interested in artificial intelligence.” 

He flips on his blinker and hums. They’re close to home. 

“What happened after that?” Rey swallows. There’s no nice way to word what she’s thinking. “It doesn’t sound like she was very interested.” 

“Well, Ben loved her a lot. We lived together at the time and I remember thinking it was so pathetic. He liked to be near her whenever he could, and sometimes I’d go, too. Try to be a wingman. He said it made him look less ‘conspicuous.’ I didn’t get it back then, but he was buying and my parents had cut me off for fighting at that point. She went to the same place every Friday and Ben always dragged me there, religiously, every Friday for like eight months. It wasn’t weird or anything—he just watched her, made sure no one bothered her. Except one night someone did bother her.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. This big guy grabbed her or something and she screamed and so Ben stepped in and pretended to be her boyfriend. I would have pummeled the guy, honestly, but Ben’s smoother than that. So the guy ended up laying off and Kira was super appreciative, eventually agreed to go home with Ben.” 

“That’s…not so bad.” 

“Yeah. And that’s how Hanna happened, their oldest daughter. She’s about 7 now.” 

“….Oh.” 

“She didn’t talk to Ben after that night, but when she found out she was pregnant, she told him. Apparently he was the only one that could be the dad. Kira’s a good girl—never did one night stands. Honestly she might have been a virgin, I don’t know. He convinced her to keep the baby, said he’d take care of everything, had her move in with us. Kira always wanted to be a mom, see. He’d heard her talking about it—heard her talking about a lot of things, really, he kept tabs. He wanted to give that to her, wanted to make sure she could have that family with someone who really loved her. She was poor. Kinda self-made. Couldn’t afford the costs of being pregnant. Mom _hated_ her for it. I think she still does.” Kylo’s fingers tap idly on the steering wheel. “Eventually Kira figured out that Ben got her pregnant on purpose. I mean he pulled out all the stops, poked holes in the condom and convinced her a TylenolPM was a Plan B pill the next morning. She’d never seen one, but she really shouldn’t have just assumed Ben was the type of guy to keep Plan B in his medicine cabinet. That was pretty stupid.” 

Rey wants to puke. This is the worst thing she’s ever heard. 

“He’d been planning it for months. Taking her home, using the fucked up condoms. He told me eventually that he paid some crazy psychic lady named Sister Sonya like $2,000 to will the pregnancy to take. That’s how he kept her, though--she wouldn't have stayed with him otherwise. Gave me chills to think about how rare it is to get pregnant on a whim like that. Fate always wanted them together and that's proof. Ben started paying for everything. Kira’s tuition, her doctor visits, her groceries and loans and insurance and car payment—just so she wouldn’t have to work. She tried to leave a few times, but Ben would stop paying for things and she’d come back. No one wants to hire a woman that’s 6 months pregnant. Ben was really, really good to her, but she was always plotting on how to get away. And then Ben convinced her doctor to put her on bedrest, because she was having these emotional outbursts and really putting stress on the baby. She couldn’t go to school anymore, couldn’t work, just had to hang around the apartment. We’d play video games a lot and I’d bring her pickles and popcorn. I guess we got close. That’s how I know most of this stuff, from her perspective. She really didn’t like Ben back then but Ben _knew_ she was the one for him. I can’t blame him for doing what he had to do.” 

They’re pulling into the apartment complex now. Rey is almost relieved. She doesn’t want to hear more about this. 

“I called Ben last night. I asked him how I could keep you. He said to knock you up, that’s what he did every time Kira wanted to leave. But I really, really don’t want kids.” 

“I don’t either, Kylo. It’s bad to force a child on someone. Much less three.” 

Kylo frowns while he scans the parking lot. “Are you saying Hanna and Hope and Mellie shouldn’t have been born?” 

“No, but Kira should have had a say in the matter.” 

Kylo shrugs. “None of our business. That’s between Kira and Ben.”

“Kylo…” Rey knows better than to press the issue, but she has to. “That’s like, criminally insane. What Ben did was wrong. Full stop. Worse than wrong. If someone did that to me, I’d probably kill them in their sleep.” 

“Alrighty, Rey.” Kylo throws his head back and laughs, deep and condescending. “I don’t think you have it in you to kill someone.”

“How would you know?” 

“Just trust me. I know.” 

Rey gulps and starts fiddling with her seatbelt. They’re home now, that’s all that matters. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go take a shower now. Thanks for driving me home.” 

Kylo laughs again. Rey really doesn’t want to be in on the joke. 

“You really think I’m gonna let you out of my sight? After that stunt you pulled? No. You won’t get to leave me the way Kira left Ben. He was a shell of a person when she wasn’t around, and I’m a shell of a person without you. You’re mine and you’ll learn to appreciate it.” He unlatches his seatbelt and opens his door. “_Let’s_ go take a shower before dinner, and you’re welcome for driving you home.” 

Kylo basically skips to the passenger side to open her door. His hand is on hers before she can make a mad dash. And even if she tried, where would she go? She lives across the hall from this absolute psycho. If he can justify what Ben did to Kira so nonchalantly, he can justify doing a whole lot worse to her. 

“Can I call Finn now?” She manages, despite her rising panic. “He’s expecting me.” 

“I already texted him and told him you’ll be MIA for a while. Did the same for Rose. Handled it while you were busy packing. They both understand. It’s just gonna be us for a few days, baby, we’re gonna have a staycation and really get to know each other.” 

Rey’s crying. She wants to stop, but she can’t. The tears are coming too quickly. He tosses her phone in his trunk after he grabs her luggage, and makes a point of locking the car three times. 

“We’ll try to work out the best way for me to keep you, Rey. Together.” Kylo wraps his arm firmly around her waist. “I still want you to have your life. Ben didn’t let Kira have hers, but he didn’t love her as much as I love you. You can talk to Rose and Finn when I know I can trust you.” 

“Y-you can trust me now.” Rey’s very close to hyperventilating. The more her breath quickens, the harder Kylo grips her. “I’m not… I’m not going… I’m not going anywhere.”

“Shh, baby. There’ll be plenty of time to convince me. Just relax.” 

Rey tries to calm herself down. He doesn’t want to hurt her, right? He said so. She’ll get out of this alive. “What happens if you decide you don’t want to be with me anymore?” 

Kylo stops walking and looks at her. She doesn’t dare look him in the eye. 

He sighs after a while and tugs her arm towards their building. “You made a vow. You said you’re mine.” 

“I know, but—“ 

“You’ll be with me until the day you die, Rey. Remember that.”


	10. Chapter 10

Rey somehow manages to convince Kylo to let her shower alone. For all his oddities, he at least had the foresight to bring her soaps and scrubs over from her apartment before he picked her up. It’s under the punishing, practically boiling spurts of water that she begins to piece together the events of the last twelve hours. She wonders how long Kylo was actually in Rose’s parking lot, waiting for her to acknowledge his messages. He didn’t look like he’d slept well—had he spent the night in his car? 

Rey shakes her head, in part to rid herself of that line of thinking, and also to give the water access to the suds bubbling on her scalp. There isn’t time to dote on the past. His threat from before was not lost on her: she’s his until the day she dies. He seems to mean that still, making a point to loom in the bathroom while she bathes. She doesn’t know if it’s voyeuristic or an attempt to ensure she doesn’t try crawling out of the skylight. Perhaps a mixture of both? He isn’t paying much attention, either way, leaning back against the counter. She can see his form through the clouded glass. He appears to be scrolling through his phone. 

_His phone._

She can call Kira. 

Kira knows how dangerous it is to be pursued by one of the Solo brothers, to catch their attention in any way. There’s only the question of how bad her Stockholm Syndrome has become over the last seven years. Ben has effectively kidnapped her, literally, using her proclivities towards motherhood against her in the cruelest, most selfish ways. Rey wonders if Ben views Kira as an object to be possessed or a person. From what Kylo has told her, it appears to be the former, which only makes her heart ache more for the woman. 

Rey still doesn’t know what to expect from Kylo, exactly. He seems to understand that his brother’s actions are wrong on some level. Kylo is constantly reassuring her that he won’t hurt her, will let her maintain a social life…maybe he can still be reasoned with. 

Worst case scenario, she can slip a note to his mom when she visits Friday. His mother seems to understand the full extent of Kylo’s mental issues, though they must pale in comparison to Ben’s more silent ones. Does their mother have any suspicions about Ben, or has Kylo’s violent and abrasive nature been an effective enough cover? 

Rey feels a pang of guilt at the idea of making Kylo’s mother detest him even more. 

She watches as the last of the bubbles slip down the drain and chases one last, cleansing breath of steam into her lungs. All she needs to do is figure out Kylo’s passcode, and then steal his phone, and then call Kira…and then hope to whoever’s out there watching over her horrible life that Kira is sympathetic to her situation. Kira _likes_ Kylo, she can tell by the protective tone she used when addressing Rey before. His being equally unhinged as Ben might come as a shock. 

When she turns the water off, her idea seems more like an unattainable fantasy than a coherent escape plan. But it’s what she has to work with if she wants to resume life as usual before Kylo’s mom visits, when she’ll be forced to add another failure to the long list Kylo’s convinced he’s racked up with his parents. 

Her heart picks up speed as she reaches for her towel and Kylo immediately presses his body off of the counter. 

“You look really hot right now,” he breathes. Rey’s eyes flick down out of habit and she can see the growing bulge in his pants. “I need a picture of you, just like this…”

While he opens the camera on his phone, Rey grimaces and wraps her towel around her body as tight as possible. When he notices, he sticks out his tongue. 

“You’re no fun, baby.” 

She doesn’t say anything, just steps out into the cool air circulating through the rest of the bathroom. It’s jarring, just enough to bring her back to the sobering reality of her present situation. 

He’s slipping his shirt over his head, still attempting to coax a conversation out of her while he prepares to take his own shower. “Have you thought about what you want for dinner?” 

Rey’s brain is humming. She can go somewhere with lots of waitresses to pass an SOS to, somewhere busy, where she can slip out and borrow a phone and call Finn. 

But then Kylo would definitely get in legal trouble. She wants to get away, but she doesn’t want to cause him more issues than heartbreak in the meantime. She’s still convinced this is her fault somehow, that she’s led him on with words and actions and pushed him to this point by suddenly disappearing. Her heart throbs even harder when she actually _looks_ at him. 

She wonders how she didn’t catch onto the severity of his features before, how predatory his gaze becomes when it falls on her. It’s animalistic and possessive. As far as captors go, he is in no way hard on the eyes, and her body is having a great time reminding her of this when she feels a flood of familiar pressure in her abdomen. She squints at his face to study it further and watches as his steadfast smirk falls into a tight frown. 

His jaw clenches. “Jeez, baby. What’s with the cold shoulder?” 

“I just don’t know what I want for dinner.” Rey blurts, ignoring the warmth igniting over her cheeks. She has to call Kira immediately. It’s the only way to handle the situation amicably and not dig herself into a deeper hole in the process. Her panic rises while her brain wars between wanting to escape, needing to feel him rut against her, and her desire to preserve Kylo’s dignity in the eyes of his mother _and_ the law. “I’m trying to think. Can you give me a fucking second to think?!” 

Kylo looks genuinely wounded by the tone she’s taken but doesn’t add anything else. He lets his pants pool at his ankles and steps into the shower.

Rey starts towards the door, but he quickly slides the shower back open and narrows his eyes at her. 

“Stay,” he commands, then slams the door shut again. “I mean it.” 

“Make me,” Rey huffs. She steps into the hallway anyway. Her indignation is a direct result of her internal conflict squeezing all sense of reason out of her brain. Her fight or flight is kicking in, and if she can’t fight, she can at least hide in his bedroom for a few minutes. 

Not that it was ever actually an option. 

Kylo is soaking wet, covered in soap, and quickly advancing towards her before she even makes it to his bedroom door. It’s not fair. His legs are too long for her to have a fighting chance. 

He wraps his arms around her waist and carries her, kicking and pounding and squealing, right back to the bathroom. He slams the door behind them and steps back into the shower without any explanation or apology. Rey tightens her towel where it loosened under his grip and slides down onto the floor, fighting a yelp when the cold tile assaults her exposed skin. 

Her brain is numb now. There’s no more adrenaline circulating around, just an aching nothingness to accompany the hopelessness budding in her hollow chest. 

Eventually she speaks. 

“I want Taco Bell.” 

She watches Kylo’s body freeze. She can’t make out much of him, but she has an idea of his general form behind the privacy of the steam building on the glass. 

He responds after a few excruciatingly silent moments. “Are you serious?” 

“Yes.” 

“…Okay.” 

He turns the water off and tugs his towel off of the rack. Rey wants to disarm him with more stupid comments and questions. It’s the closest she’ll get to having power in this situation. Besides, if she acts like she isn’t bothered, he’ll trust her faster. She hopes. 

“How long does it take your hair to dry?” Rey asks. It’s harder to keep her voice from wavering than she thought, but she manages. “Like…air dry.” 

She can _feel_ his confusion. “I have no clue. Thirty minutes, maybe?” 

Rey hums for a second, considering this information. “Can I ask you something else?” 

His body freezes. Again. _Score._ “…Sure, baby.” 

“It’s embarrassing.” 

Kylo slides the shower door open again and steps out. He has his towel wrapped around his waist, and wow. Rey might actually understand his attempts at taking a picture of her earlier. He looks like a dripping, solid, marble statue. _The original man._

“I won’t make fun of you or anything,” he confirms, quirking a brow at her. “Just ask.” 

“Can your hair actually freeze off in the winter? It doesn’t get cold enough in Georgia, but I’ve read horror stories on the internet.” 

The corners of his lips curl into his trademark half smirk. She _hates_ it but she still has butterflies for some reason. 

Is this how Stockholm Syndrome starts? Stars above, she’s hardly been captive for two hours at this point. 

“I’ll teach you everything you need to know about winter. It’s actually pretty temperate here, compared to say…Montana. Or Minnesota.” 

“Minnehsoooda,” Rey corrects, and Kylo nods. 

“Yeah. Minnehsoooda.” 

He holds his hand out to her to help her off the floor and she takes it. He’s warm, and she’s somehow managed to relinquish all of her body heat since her shower. She tries not to cringe when he yanks her into a tight hug. 

“Don’t be afraid,” he murmurs into her hair. The words shouldn’t be comforting, but they are. Her traitorous body slackens against him and she exhales much of the tension that was coiling through her muscles. 

“I’m trying.” 

“I know, baby. You’re doing a great job.” 

“A great job?” She asks, and pulls away to look up at him. “Of what?” 

“Showing me that you feel it too.” 

Rey isn’t entirely sure what “it” is, but she thinks he means their connection. It scares her that there’s one on her end at all, but she does care for him to some degree. She wouldn’t be so worried about his mother’s tepid opinion of him, to her own personal detriment, otherwise. 

“I do feel it,” Rey murmurs back. She isn’t lying and that terrifies her. Her mouth continues its rampant voyage down the path of truth before her brain can actually catch up. “That’s why I needed to leave for a few days. To think about it.” 

Kylo releases her and lets his hands fall limp by his sides, save for his fists clenching and unclenching. His voice is stern. “Don’t ever hide from me again.” 

That’s all she gets before he’s walking out. She doesn’t know whether or not she’s supposed to follow behind him after that outburst, so she stands, staring at the open door, mouth slightly agape and heart racing again. 

“Come on, Rey.” 

The command is enough to get her legs working again. She’s down the hall in record time and timidly stepping into his bedroom. 

She’s never been in here before. It’s…cozier than she thought it would be. There are string lights on the ceiling, and his bed is overflowing with pillows of various shapes and sizes and colors. He has knickknacks and an enormous desktop computer on a desk in the corner. The CPU, mouse, and keyboard all light up. She recognizes the water cooling system, just because Finn liked watching videos about building PCs on their TV back in Atlanta. It’s either an expensive set-up or meant to give the illusion of expense. Either way…

The room smells just like him. He must have lived here for a while, for the walls and carpet to have absorbed his cologne and something that’s just unmistakably Kylo. 

“Kylo?” She calls, stepping forward a bit before he wraps his arms around her middle. He must have been standing behind her the whole time. 

“Gotcha!” 

She squeals and he laughs in her ear. “Lose the towel, baby.” 

He doesn’t give her much time to respond before he’s unwrapping it from her frame while his tongue traces the shell of her ear. She immediately misses the comfort and protection the thick fabric provided. Now she’s more exposed than ever, and Kylo’s eager to take advantage of that fact. 

“God, you’re a vision,” he murmurs. He has one hand on her throat, applying light pressure against her windpipe, and the other is teasing her breast. Her head falls back on its own accord and he licks a stripe between her jaw and ear. He palms at her chest a few more times, then whispers, “clothes are on the bed.” 

He releases her as quickly as he grabbed her and she stumbles. Her body immediately misses the warmth and contact but her brain is fuzzy and confused. 

There really are clothes waiting for her. One of his t-shirts, she thinks, which will undoubtedly swallow her whole, one of her own pairs of black leggings, a pair of her less sexy cotton panties. There’s also a hair tie laying between them, which is what ultimately gives Rey pause. 

“Did you want me to put my hair up?” She asks, stretching the elastic between her fingers. 

His voice is muffled from behind the closet door. “No, it’s to help the shirt fit better.” 

“Oh..thanks.” 

Rey is a little surprised by the foresight he’s shown today. It’s almost uncanny, certainly unsettling. She’s just finished tugging the leggings up when he finally emerges from the closet. 

He’s wearing black sweatpants and a t-shirt that matches hers a little too well. He _really_ likes matching her, she thinks. He did the same with the pajamas that first night. 

God. If only she’d listened to her instincts then. She wouldn’t even be in this situation right now, halfway in love with and ultimately the captive of her psychotic neighbor. She’d probably be watching TV at Hux’s house or something, playing Mario Kart on the N64 he’s always bragging about. 

The traitorous part of her brain doesn’t want that. It wants to be right here. This is the part that justifies his every move. He just _wants her so bad_, no one else has ever wanted her this much. She’s teased him and he’s in love with her and she deserves it. She likes being craved like this. Loves it, maybe. 

The rational part of her brain is still at least somewhat terrified, though. And that’s the side that’s winning out right now. 

“Still want Taco Bell?” He asks. 

“Yeah.” 

“Drive-thru okay?” 

“Please.” 

Kylo holds his hand out for her to take, and she does, albeit reluctantly. His palm is as clammy as ever now that he’s been out of the shower for a little while. He squeezes her hand and she thanks her lucky stars that she gets to see the outside world again so soon. 

—

They’ve been waiting in line for about five minutes when Kylo starts talking again. Really talking. It seems the easiest way to get him into stream-of-consciousness mode is to put him behind the wheel of a car. 

“Kira decorated my room.” 

“Oh. That was nice of her.” 

“Yeah. She did it when she was pregnant with Mellie—that’s her youngest. She’s four. It was a birthday present.” 

Rey smiles over at him. She knows it doesn’t reach her eyes, but it’s still enough to make him smile back. 

“You and Kira seem to be really close,” Rey notes. “Why is that?” 

Kylo chuckles a bit while his fingers tap the steering wheel. The question obviously makes him uncomfortable. 

“I think we both…felt a particular way about Ben, at different points in our lives. It’s…we both know who he is. What he is. Everyone else is just…” Kylo sighs. “Blind? Never mind. It doesn’t matter anymore. She loves him now.” 

“What is he, Kylo?” 

“He’s just deceptive. Successful and put together on the outside, really insecure on the inside. Besides Kira, I don’t think he’s ever cared about anyone but his own kids. Certainly made my life a living hell when we were younger.” 

Rey hums, and Kylo takes that as an invitation to continue. 

“He used to do these really horrible things and blame them on me. Once he used a chair to lock our mom in the bathroom so he could slip outside and smoke a cigarette—we were fifteen, a little beyond practical jokes like that. My mom came in and fucking screamed at me and I had no idea what was going on until Ben laughed at me about it later.” 

“Jesus, Kylo. That's horrible.” 

“I think he killed Kira’s old roommate. A girl named Jess Pava. Kept telling Kira that Ben was manipulative, abusive, all that. She just fucking disappeared one day.” 

Rey feels bile rise in her throat. She can’t say anything to that because she’ll actually puke. 

“I can’t prove it. Anyway, stay away from him. And don’t _ever_ tell Kira about anything I just told you. I know how girls talk, and I really want you two to get close. I love both of you very much—“ he looks at Rey like she might be incensed by this and shakes his head, “--in different ways, baby, I promise. She’s my sister, you’re my soulmate. But you don’t want to risk anything getting back to him. If she brings anything up, change the subject immediately.” 

Well, there goes her grand master plan to call Kira and have her talk some sense into her brother in law. Rey really feels beyond fucked now. 

“Y-you would never kill anyone, right?” 

Kylo shoots another glance over at her, wide-eyed, like she’s grown another head. “No, Rey. I’m not a killer either.” 

“Is that what you meant?” She whispers. “When you said I don’t have it in me.” 

“Yeah. You’re not…Ben.” 

“Why do you think he’s supposed to be with Kira, Kylo? If he’s hurt her?” 

“He’s a better man with her. I promise. He’s been a lovesick puppy since the day she showed up on his radar.” His grip tightens on the steering wheel. Rey wills the line to move slower. They’ll be next to pay, and she doesn’t know if Kylo will offer more information to her after that. “I don’t think Jess is the only person he’s hurt, Rey. The coincidences…stopped…when they got married. And they’re good for each other. Ben takes really good care of her now.” 

“Now?” 

The car in front of them moves, and Kylo’s train of thought gets interrupted almost immediately. He hands the attendant his card and tosses a bag full of sauces into her lap. She might smile if she wasn’t so terrified of Kylo’s insane brother. What’s going to happen when _she’s_ on his radar? Kylo and Ben might have a rivalry, but they’re still twins. Would Ben hurt her on Kylo’s behalf, if she were to hurt him first? 

He holds his debit card between his teeth while he shoves the receipt in the glove compartment. 

“By the way, they moved up their vacation. Ben’s gotta sit in on mission control in August. Launching some new satellite.” 

Rey swallows. “Oh…when are they visiting, then?” 

Kylo turns to her and grins, wide, like he never insinuated his brother was a sociopath or possible murderer, like he can’t wait for their arrival. 

“Tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYTHING GETS TIED TOGETHER IN THE NEXT TWO CHAPTERS (which will both be out before Jan 24)
> 
> i will stop tantalizing you with ben and kira's backstory so much
> 
> i promise it's relevant
> 
> lol
> 
> feel free to speculate...the mystery...is coming to an end


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: discussions of vomit. and then actual vomit
> 
> chapter count went up again :/ can't end this story for shit

Rey’s eyes flutter open at exactly 11 AM. It’s the latest she’s slept in months, and she knows why. Kylo has her held tightly against his front, one hand splayed across her stomach and the other stuffed under the waistband of her leggings. She feels safer than she has in years with his soft, rhythmic breaths falling on her scalp. He must have fallen asleep with his lips to her hair. She scoots back to snuggle harder against him and he immediately tightens his grip. 

“Mm. G’mornin, Rey,” he murmurs groggily. “Don’t wanna get up yet.” 

“Shh.” 

Rey doesn’t want to wake up either. If she gets up, she has to face the reality that is Kylo and his crazy brother Ben. Right now she can pretend it’s a dream and she isn’t being held here against her will. 

“Yes ma’am.” 

She has to admit that Kylo is fairly gentle as far as kidnappers go. His hold on her is more psychological than anything—he _knows_ she isn’t going anywhere, because she’s love and touch starved and that’s all he knows how to give. No restraints necessary. 

Rey reaches for his phone on the nightstand. “What time is your brother getting here? I’ll set an alarm.” 

“Fuck. Forgot about that,” Kylo grumbles. He reaches over and yanks his phone from her grip more harshly than she expected. “Shit. They’ll be here in thirty.”

“Okay.” Rey curls back into the fetal position, nodding. “Wake me up in twenty minutes.” 

“Funny. C’mon, baby, gotta get up now.” 

“No.” 

“Rey,” Kylo warns, eliciting a frown from the sleepy woman in question. “Come on.” 

“No!” 

Rey isn’t sure how he manages, but somehow she’s under him a few seconds later. His legs are on either side of her, most likely bearing the brunt of his weight since she can still breathe, and he’s got both of her arms pinned behind her head on the pillow. He leans down to nip her jaw and she yelps. 

“You gonna be my good girl?” He asks, slowly working his mouth down the side of her neck. Rey shifts her legs under him to the best of her ability to sate whatever the hell is building up between her thighs. It’s too much. 

“Stay still.” 

Kylo leans further into her neck and lets his warm tongue dance over all the sensitive flesh she has to offer. He works both of her wrists between one big hand and the other skims across her body from her chest to her waistband. 

“I think you’re more obedient after an orgasm.” His voice is a teasing whisper against the dampness on her neck. “You’ve got three minutes to finish, baby. Make ‘em count.” 

Rey shudders when his hand finally slips under her leggings and her panties. The fabric is tight and keeps his wrist from moving too much, but he’s still managing expertly with two fingers inside and his thumb pressed against her clit. 

She thinks she holds out for a minute and a half. Between his long, expert fingers and his teeth and lips on her neck, she never really had a chance to last the full three minutes. 

When she’s done writhing under him, he tugs his hand out of her leggings and holds it up to inspect the wetness that pooled around his two middle fingers. He pulls them apart and watches a string of slick fight to keep them together. 

“Nice, baby,” he whispers. He holds his fingers to her lips for her to clean them off. She doesn’t hesitate. “You gonna get up now?” 

“No.” Rey smacks her lips when she’s done licking his fingers. “Need more convincing.” 

Kylo’s teeth scrape across his bottom lip while he considers her. She can feel his aching hardness on her thigh, and she _knows_ he’s proud of himself for getting her off so quickly. Any man would be, since no man ever has. 

“Mmm.” He grabs her jaw and squeezes it just hard enough to make her squeak. “Don’t top from the bottom, Rey. I don’t like it.” 

Then he’s off of her and walking, presumably, towards the bathroom. The sound of the sink and his electric toothbrush travel back down the hallway in affirmation. Rey’s too blissed out to care; she blinks at the ceiling until he grunts her name and effectively snaps her out of her reverie a few minutes later. 

Rey makes it a point to get ready in less than ten minutes, just so Kylo knows she can and won’t interrupt her sleep over appointments in the future. They’re sitting on the couch and waiting for the imminent arrival of Ben and Kira and the kids by 11:28. Kylo’s got his arms wrapped around Rey in the same positions as this morning, but she’s sitting in his lap facing the TV this time. 

“You nervous?” 

Rey nods. The nature documentary she put on to distract the kids is a little too interesting to pull her attention from. 

“Don’t talk to Ben unless he asks you something. Then just say enough to be polite. Let me handle everything else. Okay?” 

She hums an affirmative. She’s not sure she heard everything, but she gets the gist of it. “Don’t talk to Ben. Got it. Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Good girl. You look so fucking hot in those jeans, he’s going to lose his shit.” 

Rey wants to say something along the lines of _what the fuck?_, but she’s cut off by three knocks on the door. It’s exactly 11:30. _Punctual bastards._

Kylo kisses the back of her head and scoots out from under her. She doesn’t know if she’s supposed to follow him to the door or not—probably not, right? So she sits and pretends she’s even more enthralled by the complex mating rituals of snow leopards than she actually is. Wait, the kids probably shouldn’t be watching this. And what should she do with her hands? 

She decides to pause the documentary and fold her hands neatly in her lap when Kylo opens the door. 

The door swings wide, but Rey only sees Ben. 

Kylo must be equally perplexed, because he asks, “Where’s Kira? And the kids?” 

“Oh, they’ll be here in an hour or two. They wanted to sleep in. Said to get lunch without them—they’ll hit up a drive thru on the way. Anyway—“ Rey squints while a man identical to her own wraps Kylo into a bear hug and squeezes. “How’s my favorite brother?” 

“I’m your only brother,” Kylo squeaks. His voice lowers to a gruff whisper. Rey isn’t sure she’s supposed to hear what comes next. “Please don’t emasculate me.” 

Ben chuckles and releases his vise grip around Kylo’s midsection. 

His eyes immediately fall on Rey. But he doesn’t seem predatory like Kylo. Honestly, he looks soft—like a 6’2 puppy. Rey doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all, even though she should. He’s like…possibly a murderer, right? 

“The girl I’ve heard so much about,” Ben grins. “Keeping my brother in line, huh?” 

“Trying my best,” she offers. Ben doesn’t hesitate to sit right next to her on the couch, occupying the space Kylo probably meant to. She blinks at him and tries to be polite, like Kylo said. “Uh—hi. I heard you work for the government.” 

“Oh yeah?” Ben throws his head back and laughs. “I like to think the government works for me.” 

“Oh—“ Rey starts, but Ben shakes his head to cut her off. 

“I’m just kidding, Rey. I’m the government’s bitch.” 

Ben stretches his legs out and rests them on the coffee table. Rey is looking to Kylo for support, but he’s just standing at the door with his fingers still clasped around the handle. She’s pretty sure she can see his eye twitching. 

“So what do you do?” 

“Oh. Uh, nothing for now.” Rey cringes at the question and her lackluster response. “I uh—I won the lottery a few months ago. Just trying to enjoy some time off before I get back to work. I want to go to school, too.” None of this is information she’s offered to Kylo yet, and hopefully that won’t piss him off. Ben seems…chummy. Kylo’s a little too possessive to handle that well, even with Ben. Especially with Ben. 

“Oh yeah! Kylo told me all about that. 50k, right?” Ben whistles and Rey immediately racks her brain to remember when she shared that with Kylo. Certainly never the number… “Lucky girl. And then you met my brother, so you kind of won the lottery again, right?” 

Rey chuckles a little and nods. She’s still trying to remember when she mentioned the money--

“Let’s go get lunch,” Kylo adds, a little too fast and a little too demanding. “Don’t wanna be missing when Kira stops by. She’ll let the kids fuck the apartment up. Uh… Lady’s choice, Rey.” 

“Er…” Rey blinks at him. His deflection didn’t make her forget; she still can’t recall telling Kylo anything about the money she’s come into. Could he have read it in her application? It wasn’t in there, though, they didn’t do any income verification… “I don’t really know any restaurants here.”

“You went to that bar a few nights ago, right? Maz’s? Did you like it?” 

“Oh. Yeah, it was alright. That’s fine.” Rey nibbles her bottom lip. She needs to get out of that habit before winter comes; even the mild winter weather in Atlanta made them chap. “Um, excuse me, guys. I should probably wear something nicer for Maz’s.” 

Kylo narrows his eyes at her when she stands up. “No, Rey. You look fine.” 

He probably thinks so. She’s wearing one of his t-shirts. He practically insisted her right into the fabric, and then the only pair of jeans she has that are comfortable enough to wear in the summer. Another symbol of his ownership. 

“Let her change,” Ben chimes. “Kira’s the same way. 

Kylo shakes his head. “No. She looks fine.” 

Ben raises an eyebrow at Rey, but doesn’t speak up on her behalf again. Rey decides it’s better that way. For both of them. 

Kylo disappears into his room to look for his wallet and keys a few minutes later. 

“Does he keep you on a tight leash or something?” Ben questions, basically the moment Kylo’s out of earshot. He seems genuinely concerned. “I can talk to him about that.” 

“Um…no. It’s okay.” Rey stops herself from worrying at her bottom lip again. 

“Are you _positive_?” 

Kylo’s warnings swirl through her brain like an ice storm. She shouldn’t let herself trust Ben. He forced three kids on Kira and maybe killed someone. Most sociopaths are charming, she watched that documentary about Ted Bundy, thank you very much. “Yes. I’m—we’re fine. It’s fine.” 

“He just seems a little uptight, Rey. And he’s…listen, he’s my brother. I worry. But he’s a little too into you for only knowing you a few months.” 

“What?” Rey wants to laugh. She doesn’t know why she can’t. “He’s known me for two weeks.” 

“Fucking hell, Kylo,” Ben grumbles. He actually sounds just like his brother when he lowers his voice like that. “Are you two dating? Like, boyfriend girlfriend?” 

“I know what dating means. Yes, I think so.” 

“Okay, at least he’s not that out of touch with reality.” Ben brings his fingers up to the bridge of his nose and pinches. “He’s medicated, but he can still be a little delusional. He has these conspiracy theories, Rey, you’ll know when you hear them. Just smile and nod. If you disagree, he gets upset, and if he gets too upset, he’ll get violent. Okay?” 

Rey doesn’t know what to say to that except _uh_. Ben lowers his voice even more. 

“He still deserves love. One hundred percent. And he told me you know about the medicine and the mental stuff. You do know, right?” 

Rey nods. He said he has anger issues and that he beat someone up, but now she thinks his situation might be a bit more involved than that. She’s worried Kylo will come out any second now, though, and she doesn’t want to get caught conspiring with the enemy. She doesn't press for more details. 

“Let me give you Kira’s phone number. If anything happens, you can just send her a text. She’ll call him, or have our mom call him, or I’ll handle it.”

“I can’t,” Rey whispers. She’s going to cry, it’s just a matter of when. “He took…um, he has my phone.” 

“Jesus. Where is it?” 

“In his trunk.” 

“Are you here against your will?” 

Rey feels the first tear fall, and the second isn’t too far behind. “Um, kind of.” 

Kylo’s back in the living room as soon as she gets the words out. He squints at Rey for a second. She can tell his eyes are zeroing in on her tear-streaked cheeks. Then he’s glaring at Ben. 

Ben hops off the couch like Kylo’s gaze is burning him, and then he yawns. “Took a few minutes to work it out of her, but she sold you out, brother. Told you.” 

Kylo’s face pulls up into a grin. Rey swears he even _snorts_ at this information. 

“Wait…” Rey can’t even pretend to understand what’s going on. She’s not sure she wants to. “What?” 

"What do you mean, 'what?' You sold him out!" Ben laughs. Again. Except this time, it doesn’t sound quite so charming. “Oh, and I wasn’t kidding about the delusions, sweetheart. You really should get Kira’s number.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Ben,” Kylo groans; his grin from before is a distant memory now. He moves to occupy the space Ben left vacant on the couch and pulls Rey down with him, right into his lap again. His tone takes on a comforting edge and it does nothing but unsettle Rey even more. “I’m not delusional, baby. I promise. Ben’s here to help me keep an eye on you for a few days. He’ll let me know when you can be trusted. I think you’re already halfway there, for what it’s worth.” 

“Eh, maybe a quarter of the way,” Ben adds. “I wouldn’t take her out in public anytime soon, but she certainly isn’t a flight risk. I think she likes you, little brother.” 

Kylo scoffs. “She _loves_ me. She said so.” 

“What did I say, Rey?” Ben winks at her and Rey swears she tastes pennies. “Delusional.” 

“I’m—I need to go to the bathroom.” Rey’s about to puke; it's the only rational response her body can muster in its current situation. “Please let me go.” 

“No, no, no, baby, it’s okay.” Kylo shushes her and instinctively tightens his grip around her waist. She doesn’t even need to look; she already knows how deep his frown is. “I did the same thing for Ben and Kira. Just a little litmus test every now and then. Look how happy they are now! They have three babies.” 

“I…don’t…want…babies!” Rey manages as she thrashes in his lap to translate some of the urgency. He doesn’t let go. “I just want to go to the fucking bathroom!” 

“Uh, brother…” Ben raises an eyebrow. Rey does her best to swallow the thick saliva gathering around her tongue and simultaneously tries to picture herself smacking the smug grin off of Ben’s face. It helps delay the inevitable, if only for a few seconds. “I think she’s gonna blow. Looks a little green from my angle.” 

To Kylo’s credit, he does start to release her after that, but she’s already vomiting by the time he fully lets go. He immediately starts comforting her, patting her back with one hand and holding her hair with the other. Puke is all over the coffee table and dripping in spurts onto the carpet when she’s done. She’s glad she hasn’t eaten yet. 

“Gnarly,” Ben chuckles. Everything’s a joke to this fucker, and that makes Rey hate him even more. “You haaad to kidnap a girl with a weak stomach. Classic Kylo.” 

“Shut _up_, Ben,” Kylo growls. “This is your fault. I told you not to stress her out too much!” 

Kylo helps Rey up and whispers soothing things into her ear while he walks her to the bathroom. She’s actively tuning him out. He might say something that makes her puke again and she’s already horrified and embarrassed enough for one day. And Ben’s still laughing to himself in the fucking living room. 

It takes her a few minutes to catch her breath. She dry heaves over the toilet a few times, but nothing else comes out. Kylo’s stopped trying to comfort her with words. Instead he’s weaved one hand onto the back of her scalp to give her a pseudo head massage while the other hand rubs big, calming circles on her back. 

“W-wanna go home,” she sobs into the toilet bowl. Her voice echos and makes her sound even more pathetic to her own ears, but she can’t stop. “Wanna c-call Finn. Need to go home.” 

“This is home, baby,” Kylo reminds her, gentle as ever. “I promise Ben will be out of our hair soon. I just can’t keep an eye on you 24/7. He’s taking time off of work for us, okay? For our relationship. So I can marry you.” 

Rey sobs even harder at this. Kylo cringes behind her. 

“C’mon. Let’s brush your teeth again, baby. And then we can finish the movie with all the cute little baby snow leopards. Yeah?” 

Rey shakes her head and Kylo pulls her into his chest. She can feel his heart hammering, he must have an idea of how absolutely terrified she is now. _Good._

Rey doesn’t know how long she spends crying with her head buried in Kylo’s shirt, but it must be a while. Ben manages to clean up her puke (Rey isn’t sure if she hates him more for this or not), and finish the documentary (Rey _does_ hate him more for this) while Kylo’s holding her shaking, sobbing form in the bathroom. Kylo eventually helps her brush her teeth, and he changes her out of her jeans and into some more comfortable sweatpants. She’s still leaking tears, but she’s not trembling anymore, and she feels confident enough to face Ben again--whatever that entails. 

“I love you, Rey,” Kylo whispers as he guides her back into the lion's den. “So much. More than I’ve ever loved anything. Once Ben thinks I can trust you, I’m gonna give you the whole world. Just wait and see.” 

Rey knows he means every word, and that’s what scares her the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKES 
> 
> kylo really likes having rey in his lap, it's canon, don't fight me


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters after this (if i add another one please fight me irl)! HEA or UHEA or does rey get to go home? 
> 
> tw: a little bit of self-harm but nothing graphic. 
> 
> wEOooOOEOOoo
> 
> yell at me in the comments please!

Kira actually does show up later in the day. Rey assumed Kylo only mentioned her arrival as a red herring, but no. The woman is present, accounted for, and has one very cranky four year old hanging off her hip. 

The most horrifying aspect of her arrival is that Ben and Kylo recently stepped outside to “talk.” So Rey’s alone when she walks in, and has no idea what to expect. 

“Sorry I’m late,” Kira coos as she slings a diaper bag around her shoulder. She reaches in for a fruit pouch. “Mellie would _not_ let me leave her at Nana’s. The sounds she was making…breaks a mother’s heart.” 

She twists the top of the pouch off with her teeth and takes the first sip. “You want applesauce, sweetie?” 

“No!” 

“Okay, sweetheart. Here you go.” 

Mellie yells “no” again, but the taste of banana, apple and strawberry must placate her well enough. 

Kira sets Mellie on the ground. The child immediately begins toddling around to find something to maim or injure herself with, Rey thinks. She doesn’t know anything about children, other than the fact that they’re absolutely horrifying. But she doesn’t have much time to consider Mellie’s motivations because Kira narrowly refrains from leaping into her arms like an excitable puppy. 

The first thing Rey really notices is boobs. Wow. They’re _smothering_ her. She wraps her arms loosely around Kira’s thin frame and lets the woman spin her around. 

When she pulls away, Kira’s smiling. “Oh, Rey! Ben’s told me so much about you. Kylo, too. I know we’ve just met, but I love you already!” 

Rey chuckles nervously. “Oh—I uh. I love you, too.” 

“You don’t have to say it just because I do! But you’re family now, so maybe you do.” Kira winks at her and looks around the living room, like she’s forgotten something important. Then she disappears down the hallway. 

“Mellie! Get out of the toilet! _Damn_ it!” 

Rey hopes she isn’t expected to do any babysitting this week. Mellie would probably be the death of her, and she still hasn’t decided if death is preferable to her current situation. Maybe? But maybe not, one never really knows. 

Kira walks back into the living room with a half-soaked Mellie in tow. “I’m so glad Kylo got better about flushing.” She shakes her head and plops Mellie bottom-first onto the floor. Mellie idly nurses her applesauce like she hasn’t just gotten in trouble for trying to swim in the toilet. “Still working on that with Ben. Glad she got that curiosity out of her here.” 

Rey stops to take in Kira’s appearance. It’s almost like looking in the mirror. They both have freckles, hazel eyes, brown hair. Similar noses. Wide mouths. Truthfully the only difference lies in Kira’s hips and chest, which are ample, whereas Rey’s are…functional. She’s read that people’s bodies change once they have babies, so maybe Kira looked even more like Rey when she met Ben. Either way, the similarities are uncanny. She tries not to think about it too much because it might hurt her feelings. Kylo is at least moderately preoccupied with his brother’s relationship. She hopes he doesn’t plan on making her his own personal Kira. 

“Where’d the boys run off to?” Kira asks, half bent over Mellie. She’s fussing over a blanket she’s laying out on the floor. 

“They’re outside. Conspiring.” Rey says, which makes Kira laugh. Except Rey isn’t actually joking. “They should be back in a few minutes. I’m surprised you didn’t see them, they said they weren’t going far.” 

“It’s okay. Gives me time to give you my spiel…” Kira’s eyes narrow at the door, like she’s willing it to tell her how much time she has. She nods once, satisfied, and squats facing Rey while she pulls an endless stream of toys out of her diaper bag. “Kylo is…intense. But he’s such a good guy, seriously. I thought he’d be a bachelor forever or something, he’s never been serious about anyone before.” 

“Yeah. He’s uh…into me. For sure.” 

Kira laughs while she inspects a particularly worn toy. She checks over her shoulder to be sure Mellie doesn’t see her, then hides the toy in the bottom of her bag. 

“Kylo is so sensitive compared to Ben. So sweet. Don’t get me wrong, Ben’s great and all. Kylo’s just…really special. Very few people get to see that loving side of him, you know?” Kira zips the bag back up and stands once Mellie is thoroughly placated by the selection of toys. “They just see all the violence and the priors and blah blah. Yeah. You know. Don’t let his…intensity…get to you, is all I’m saying. He’ll make you really happy if you let him. Ben did the same for me eventually. And Ben’s ten times more intense than Kylo.” 

“Oh?” Rey scratches the back of her neck. She’s trying to seem innocent because she knows she’s not supposed to pry. She can’t help it, though. Ben tricked her. She hates him. “Ben’s intense?” 

Kira glances at the door again and lowers her voice. “Can I trust you?” 

“Wholeheartedly.” Rey immediately worries at her bottom lip. Kira couldn’t fake kindness to this degree—could she? She was burned before. “But can I trust you?” 

“I want to say yes…just don’t tell me anything too personal.” Kira’s gaze hasn’t left the door. “I mean, we’re okay now, right? But he…eh. Stalk is a strong word. Subtract like, fifty percent of the negative subtext from it. He was very _preoccupied_. And that made me nervous. And I know that even though the boys have this weird rivalry, they’re very alike in that way.” 

Rey hums in agreement. She’s not selling Kylo out if she agrees. In fact, it’s the most neutral thing she can do right now. 

“Their parents are the worst. Okay? Don’t tell them anything. They’ll love your babies and they’ll hate you. I’m sorry. Just…okay. I can’t say anything else.” Kira panics, shifting her gaze between Rey and the door like she’ll be caught any second now. “Leia already knows everything about you, which weaknesses to exploit. She’ll make your life impossible if you try to leave—_especially_ if you two have children. You’ll never see them again. Please keep this in mind. I actually have to stop talking now. I just—I don’t know if we’ll ever be alone like this again. I’m so, so sorry. Just be glad it’s Kylo.” 

Rey’s stomach lurches. So much for having an ally in their mother. She can’t tell if she’s going to puke again or not, but she makes for the bathroom just in case. 

Which is just as well. The prodigal sons make their return a few minutes later. She’d rather be caught taking too long in the bathroom than talking to Kira. 

She makes her way back to the living room once the shrieks of “DADDY!” and “UNCLE KYKY!” calm down a bit. Her eyes instinctively narrow at Ben, but he’s a little busy spinning Kira around in his arms. Rey thinks she can hear him saying “I missed you” over and over again. _Ben and Kylo really are alike in that way,_ she thinks, but her train of thought is broken when she sees Mellie gripping Kylo’s calf. He looks like he’s about to implode. 

“Need help?” Rey asks. 

Kylo wiggles his leg a bit in response, and Mellie shrieks happily, holding on for dear life. It’s kind of cute. Rey still doesn’t want one. 

“That’s your Aunt Rey, Mellie. You wanna go see her?” 

“Who?” 

Rey hears Ben snort. There are several items in her peripheral vision that Rey can use as projectiles. A remote, a pillow, one of Mellie’s big, plastic toys—but she’d risk pelting Kira with her horrible aim. So she decides against causing serious bodily harm to Ben and takes a deep breath instead. 

“Whaddya mean ‘who’?” She frowns. “You were telling me you love me last week!” 

Mellie’s answer is concise, effective, and to the point. “No!” 

Rey plops down on the couch and shoots a shrug at Kylo. Her only goal now is finishing her latest nature documentary. She hates kids and she hates Ben and she wishes she could get naked in her own apartment and eat mac and cheese. She hasn’t felt this angsty since high school, but she decides there’s a reasonable enough explanation for her feelings. 

“Kylo, have you met Rey’s parents yet?” Kira asks. She’s extricated herself from Ben’s grip, and Ben looks like a lost puppy following her around the living room. He looks for any excuse to touch her, putting a hand on her back or grazing his fingers against hers. 

“I don’t have parents,” Rey supplies. 

“Hey!” Kira immediately perks up. “Me neither! Orphan gang. You in the system or are your parents just dead?” 

“Both, I think. Definitely the first one.” Rey’s head falls back and she actually _cackles_. “Guess the Solo boys like picking up strays.” 

“Love it, actually,” Ben shoots back. Kira waves him off so she can continue.

“Mind telling me your sob story? My mom died in childbirth when I was seven. Dad’s just a piece of shit, never wanted anything to do with me, came around to fuck and sleep indoors basically. He died a few years later. I went to an uncle and my mom’s other kid got put in the system. He couldn’t afford to take care of a newborn.” 

“Wow! That’s a good one. I don’t actually have a sob story,” Rey laughs. “I was just like, admitted. I don’t know. I’m a _lifer_.” 

“Which state?” 

“Georgia.” 

Kira’s face falls. “How old are you?” 

“Twenty-two.” 

Rey watches Kira’s eyes dart around the room. She’s doing some mental calculations, Rey guesses. She highly doubts she’s Kira’s long-lost sibling, but she knows better than to voice that. She thought her parents would come back for her for years, looked for them in every adult she met. Kira probably looks for her long-lost sibling in every foster kid she meets in a specific age bracket. Neither of them will ever know and it doesn’t matter now. 

“_Jesus._ Way to rob the fucking cradle, Kylo. Holy shit.” Ben squints at his brother with his mouth slightly agape in wonder. “You know we’re in our thirties, right?” 

“Fuck off,” Kylo hisses back. “Don’t make it sound like I’m into young girls or some shit. Asshole.” 

“Both of you watch your mouths,” Kira warns. She bends over to pluck Mellie off of Kylo’s leg and walks towards the bedroom. “It’s naptime, Miss Mellie. The adults are using unsuitable language and your eyes are drooping and you have no idea what I’m saying because you’re mommy’s little baaaby.” Her voice takes on a sing-song inflection on the last word. She’s rocking Mellie gently in her arms. 

Mellie yawns, whispers “no,” and conks out on her mother’s shoulder before she’s all the way down the hallway. Ben is quick to follow after Kira. 

Kira’s a good mother. She was probably born for it, beyond what basic evolution and biology dictate. Rey reflects on their brief talk and realizes that Kira probably doesn’t love Ben at all. Not like he wants her to. That’s probably why he’s so into her—people like him are desperate for things they can’t have. Anything else is too easy, but Kira’s had a hard life—she’s not easy at all. So he controls her with the kids, and with his parents wealth. He didn’t let Kira finish school, she won’t have a leg to stand on as a single mother compared to their PhD-holding, government researcher of a father. 

Ben’s even more of a piece of shit than Rey originally thought. He’s not just lovesick, he also needs to exert dominance over someone stronger than he is. Makes him feel better about himself. 

Maybe she has it all wrong. She hopes so, for Kira’s sake. She’ll never really know the dynamics of their relationship, unless Kira somehow divulges, and Rey seriously doubts that she’ll have her in such a vulnerable position again. 

There is one thing she can understand, though. And he’s staring right at her from the other side of the living room, like she’s the only woman that’s ever existed. 

“I look a lot like Kira.” 

“I know.” 

“Is there a reason for that?” 

“You mean is there a reason that Ben and I are both into brunettes?” 

Rey shrugs. “I just want to be sure this isn’t some weird fetish thing. That you’re not…into her. Using me because you can’t have her.” 

Kylo’s face contorts into an emotion she doesn’t understand. She’s sure he’s hurt, but she needs to be candid now. She’s sick of playing games with this man. She just wants to go home. If he kills her, she might wake up in Atlanta again, maybe before she won the lottery and made the most horrible decision of her life. The guy in the sky owes her that much for creating Ben Solo and allowing their paths to cross. 

He’s at least honest in his response. “I’m…not into her. Is she objectively attractive? Sure. I think you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, though, and it has nothing to do with your eyes and hair being the same as Kira’s. It’s not like you both have some exotic combination of characteristics, either. Come on, Rey. Brown eyes? Brown hair? Ridiculously common. I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

Rey hums as she considers this. He sounds sincere. Maybe she could stand to be a little hurt by the insinuation of “average” dripping from his tone. 

She sighs and falls back into the couch. “I just needed to be sure.” 

Her eyes flit to the door. She wonders what Kylo would do if she just...walked out. She wouldn’t go to her apartment. She’d just walk and walk and keep on walking. She has her wallet on her—she could buy a plane ticket to Atlanta and go home. Call a cab from a payphone if either of those things exist anymore. Just be fucking done with it all. Kylo would never get in trouble because she’d never say a word. Not that he’s at any risk of getting in trouble, anyway. His mom would doubtlessly step in if only to save face. He’d move on eventually and so would she, maybe. 

But would she find someone that looks at her like this? It is intense. Though Kira had a point—he’s sweet, too. He held her hair while she puked. Helped her brush her teeth. Always gets her off like his life depends on it. He hasn’t pressured her into anything except being around him. And he’s convinced he loved her from the moment he first saw her. He doesn’t want to hurt her. Maybe if he understood the consequences of acting on his insecurities like this, he’d be horrified. But no. In his eyes, he is preserving their future and protecting them both from themselves. 

She doesn’t know. She just doesn’t fucking know. This entire experience should have solidified her desire to leave him, run away screaming. But she’s even more torn about it than before. She has issues, too, and she’s not entirely emotionally mature. Kylo might be worse off than her in that department. She can’t blame it all on Ben’s bad influence—she really won’t know who to blame until she meets their parents. It’s probably everyone’s fault. Hell, she thinks it’s her fault, too. Kira’s the only blameless one in their fucked up group and she’s a little busy dealing with her own problems. Honestly, Rey’s convinced that Ben’s the only truly malicious one. 

“You can’t keep me here forever.” Rey crosses her arms over her chest. “You know that, right? If I want to leave, I should be allowed to.” 

Kylo’s expression doesn’t change. “Do you want to leave, Rey?” 

“…I don’t know.” 

“Why don’t you know?” 

“You haven’t hurt me. I think your feelings scare you and you need to control me—red flag, much?—but you’re not…like…” Rey shakes her head. “I don’t think you’re _evil._ I think you need help before we can have a real relationship. Like, serious help.” 

Kylo starts to approach her. One hand is in a tight fist clenching by his side, the other is tapping against his leg. 

Rey really only notices the clenched fist, so she backtracks a bit. “I need help, too. I should have run for the hills when you said you love me. Because that’s crazy. You know that’s crazy, right?” 

“No.” Kylo shakes his head. “It’s not crazy to feel things.” 

“It’s crazy. Trust me. But I like it as much as it frightens me. You wanna fight for me, act _insane_, keep me as a pseudo-captive? Go ahead. But don’t involve your fucking psychopathic brother and his poor wife.” 

“Ben is the only other person that knows what it’s like. To love someone. Like this. To be so fucking desperate…I remember how he acted. I’m acting even worse.” Kylo motions between them. He’s standing right on the other side of the coffee table, squinting down at Rey. “He _offered_ to come. It’s just as much for your benefit as it is mine.”

Rey bursts out laughing and crying and wailing. She tries to hit the couch with a clenched fist and hits her leg instead, but she doesn’t mind. It feels good, actually. She starts pummeling herself until Kylo slides in and grasps her fists. 

“No. No. Let me—“ Rey tries to yank her hands down but his grip is too strong. “No. This is a bad dream and I have to wake up.” 

Kylo cups her cheek and tries to force her to look at him. “Hit me instead.” 

“No.” 

He cracks a smile and pushes her hands back further while he swoops in to kiss a tear-stained cheek. “You sound like Mellie.” 

“I know.” Rey chuckles and feels even more tears fall. Then there’s something hot and wet on her cheek and she jerks away, suddenly mortified. “Did you just…lick my tears?” 

“I think so.” Kylo pulls away and winces. “In my defense, I am insane. You’ve made that more than clear.” 

“...Did it taste good?” 

"Yeah." His voice is low and breathy while he draws circles on her wrist with his thumb. "Really good." 

Rey swallows. “I want to go home.” 

“You’re home, Rey. Whenever we're together...that's home.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1) welp ...........
> 
> 2) pay no attention to the increased chapter count 
> 
> 3) Super cool user DarthKira says that FanficKira looks like Kiera Knightley. So that's canon for this AU. ;) 
> 
> 4) ........... plew

It’s raining. 

Rey’s been awake for a while now. It must be approaching two in the morning. 

Kylo snores softly beside her. He seems so peaceful in his sleep; it makes her wonder what he dreams about. She hopes it isn’t her. 

She doesn’t know why, exactly, but she finds herself scooting out from under his grasp. There’s just enough moonlight coming in from the window to illuminate the room. 

Kylo stirs, but he’s no less peaceful as he wraps himself around a pillow instead. There’s no shortage of those in his bed. He must unconsciously cope with his loneliness like that every night. 

Her feet hit the carpet and she fights a sigh. These older apartments have berber, and it’s harsh and uncomfortable on the skin of her soles. She was just going to the bathroom, she thinks, but now she’s going to caution going into her apartment for some of her fuzzy socks. The rain must have the same drunken sleepy effect on everyone but her. Ben and Kira are fast asleep on an air mattress in the living room. There’s a movie playing on the television—Tangled, she notes—and Rey recognizes Mellie sleeping upside down on a makeshift pallet of pillows and blankets. Rey’s personal nightmare is probably such an adventure to her, and the thought actually brings a small smile to her face. 

The door creaks loudly when Rey opens it, but she doesn’t care. She’ll be back in a few minutes anyway. She doesn’t want to leave Kylo and she’s come to terms with that. 

She folds her arms over her chest when she realizes her spare key is no longer under the mat. Kylo must have taken it, she realizes. Maybe Ben told him to. She sighs. All she wants are some fuzzy socks. She’ll have to bring it up in the morning. 

Despite the rain, it feels good outside. Temperate. Humid, but not oppressively so like rainstorms in Georgia. And the clouds are deceptively thin considering how much of a downpour they’re producing. She’s glad she picked a tank top and shorts for sleeping tonight, because her skin can truly appreciate how the atmosphere makes it feel. 

She’s walking, barefoot, in no direction in particular. The grass makes squidgy sounds under her toes and she wiggles them. Her legs are already muddy less than ten steps in, she doesn’t even want to know what the bottoms of her feet look like. She thinks she misses Kylo, which means she’s finally gone insane or she’s dreaming, or a combination of both. 

Her final destination is the pool. She can’t remember the gate code. It’s 1254 or 1542 or something like that. Neither of those combinations actually work, so she finds herself climbing over the fence. The mud on her feet and legs combined with the downpour makes it impossible to grip the bars, so she really just throws her body onto the other side of the relatively short steel bars. She scrapes her knees on the ground when she falls but she’s otherwise fine. 

Rey sits on the concrete and lets her legs dangle in the shallow end of the water. It’s shockingly warm, tepid like bath water. That warmth combined with the chilly, pelting rain makes her shudder and lean back onto the concrete. She kicks her feet for a few minutes and then stills comfortably. She’s never been so thoroughly soaked in her life. 

Her head hardly moves when she hears someone fiddling with the gate lock. She doesn’t want to know who it is. It’ll suck for Kylo if she gets murdered, but maybe he’ll learn his lesson about telling women with severe attachment issues that he loves them two days in. Makes them do shit like this. She doesn’t care and resumes kicking her feet mindlessly. 

“You’re wet,” a familiar voice notes. It’s Kylo. Death isn’t an option tonight, she realizes. 

Rey bothers to turn her head now. He’s soaked, too, but not quite so thoroughly. There are still some spots of light gray on his sweatpants where the rain hasn’t pelted him yet. He’s barefoot, too. 

“So are you.” She turns her attention back to the sky. The clouds are thinning so she wills the sky to never stop raining. 

Kylo eases his legs into the water beside hers and lies down on his back. Rey doesn’t realize she’s cold until his body heat starts mingling with her lack thereof. Her teeth start to chatter and he scoots closer. 

Rey rests her head on his shoulder when he’s close enough. “I couldn’t find my spare key.” 

Kylo snorts. “I put it on top of the doorframe. Seemed like a better place than under the mat. Forgot to tell you.” 

“I can’t reach that,” she hums softly. “I went looking for fuzzy socks. I hate your carpet.” 

“I’ll get a rug. And a stepstool.” 

“Okay.” 

They sit silently for a while until Kylo begins drawing her closer. He starts by shoving his arm under her back and pressing their sides flush against each other. Then he’s pulling her so she has to lift her feet out of the water completely to drape her body over his. It’s the only way to be comfortable in this position. She’s starting to get pruny, anyway. 

“We’re gonna get sick,” Kylo murmurs onto her temple. The rain isn’t falling nearly as hard anymore and Rey’s starting to dry out a bit in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable and sticky. “Need to get you in a warm shower. How long were you out here?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t want to know.” 

“Okay, sweetheart.” 

There’s a comfortable silence hanging between them again. Rey feels a pressure in her core while she draws circles on his chest with her index finger. It’s something that’s made both insatiable and thoroughly fulfilled by the contact. 

“How’d you find me, anyway?” 

“At first I thought you left me,” Kylo shrugs. Rey thinks he’s trying to pretend the thought doesn’t bother him. “Then I saw some muddy footprints. Followed ‘em here.” 

“Now there are _two_ sets of muddy footprints,” Rey notes. “Groundskeeper’s gonna have a fit.” 

“I have an in with the owners.” She can’t see him, but she’s pretty sure he winks. She _knows_ he’s smirking. “I’ll make it right.” 

The throbbing in her core becomes more insatiable. She figures she really could love him now, could have loved him before he went crazy on her. Might have even been on the path without realizing it. Kira’s warning to ignore his intensity makes no sense now. That’s exactly what she’s drawn to, like a suicidal moth to a glorious flame. She needs someone to lay silently beside her while she has a nondescript nervous breakdown by the pool. She wants to save him from Ben and his stupid parents, figure out a way for him to get the help he needs so he can be a stable partner for her. Maybe get the help she needs so she can be the same for him. 

She rolls on top of him and presses her lips against his before he can say anything. He stills for a moment. His lips don’t work in tandem with hers right away, but eventually they match her pace, and his big, warm hands grip her hips and pull her closer to him. She moans when he presses his tongue into her mouth. There’s no battle for dominance, they’re just exploring each other. His hands move from her hips to her ass and he squeezes. It makes her yelp and hide her face in his neck while she giggles away the tickling sensation. 

“I’m sorry,” he pants. “So fucking sorry.” 

“Why?” 

“I need to possess you.” 

Rey presses a kiss to his neck and sits up a bit. She needs to see his face. “I know you do.” 

“You could have left. You could have gone and told the cops that your neighbor was…keeping you. It would have been so easy.” Kylo sighs and breaks eye contact. He’s looking at the sky. There are no more rainclouds, just the impression of stars fighting their way through the light pollution. “Why didn’t you leave, Rey?” 

“I…need to be possessed.” 

“_Fuck._” 

He pulls her back down, holding her neck and the small of her back in place while he assaults her mouth with his. It is desperate now, a battle for dominance that she gladly cedes to him after putting up a fair fight for a few minutes. He awkwardly maneuvers to sit up and keep her in his arms without breaking the kiss, but it doesn’t work, and Rey finds herself hiding in his neck again while he pulls his legs out of the pool and crosses them under her. 

“You’ve gotta get more help, Kylo. I know you see a psychiatrist but I want you to add therapy to that. _Regular_ therapy, to work on the urges your medicine can’t control,” she says. “And I need you to give me my phone back and help me get my key down.” 

Kylo’s hands move from her waist back down to her hips. He’s still trying to get comfortable on the concrete. “In that order?” 

“Good one, smartass.” 

“I think I’ll just keep you, actually. I get nauseous when you’re gone.” 

Rey pulls away and frowns. 

He shakes his head. “Just kidding. I’ll…work on it. I’m not crazy or anything, I just love you. I’m not going to sit on the sidelines and pine like Ben. You’re mine.” 

“Mm. Tell the therapist exactly what you just said.” 

Kylo chuckles and shakes his head again. “No way.” 

“So you know you’re insane.” 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

Rey sighs and pushes off of his body. She sees him panic for a second, so she holds her hand out to help him off the ground. He immediately wraps her fingers in his. 

“Rey,” he starts, trailing after her as she walks. “I have this…buzzing. It’s always in my brain. Makes me so agitated and weak. The smallest things…the smallest things set me off.” 

“Mm. I’m always bored. Aching sort of emptiness. Different kind of buzzing.” 

“So you know.” Kylo hums while he considers this, then continues. “But Rey…since I saw you…since I knew you existed, I guess, I haven’t buzzed. Until you disappeared. And the buzzing got so _out of control,_ it’s never been that bad.” He tightens his grip on her hand. It slows her pace, but she doesn’t try to make him relinquish his grip. “Just the thought of not having you around…” 

Rey nods, because she gets it. Maybe not all of it, but enough to agree. He doesn’t have to finish the thought. “And I don’t feel empty with you, Kylo, even though you frighten the hell out of me sometimes. That’s why I can’t leave.” 

“I don’t want to frighten you anymore. I really, really won’t hurt you, ever.” 

They’re at her door now. He stands on the tips of his toes and grabs her key, then hands it to her sheepishly. 

“I know you won’t hurt me, Kylo. But I’m afraid Ben will.” 

“No. He knows I’ll kill him if he tries, he’s just here to help me…cope…control myself. If he even threatens—“ 

Rey holds her hand up to stop him. She’s going to get frightened if he starts talking about murdering people, and she’d hate for him to go back on his word so quickly. 

“Let’s take a shower.” 

He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth before he agrees with a nod. They’re both soaking still; the night air didn’t do much to help that situation. Rey strips on the tile in front of her door. She doesn’t want to deal with wet carpet. Kylo follows suit, letting his sweatpants and shirt fall to the ground with a loud _plop_. He keeps his boxers on, perhaps for modesty’s sake, but Rey can see how tented they are. 

“It’s a love boner,” he concedes when her gaze falls to it. “Not…I mean, pretty turned on right now, too. But it’s mostly just from being around you.” 

Rey just chuckles and motions for him to follow her into the bathroom. 

He took all of her soaps to his apartment, so they have to make do with a half-empty shampoo bottle she has hidden under her sink. She bathes him first, even though he insists on letting her stand under the warm water while she scrubs him. Her hands explore his hair first, then scratch into his beard. He sighs a bit from the contact and leans in to give her a chaste, soapy kiss. 

“Love you,” he murmurs. 

“Love you,” Rey repeats. She doesn’t know if she’ll mean it anymore when she walks out of the shower, but she does in this moment. Her heart is full. He’s a head taller than her, all corded muscle and hardened posture. Big, protective and dominant. Everything her hormone-addled brain thinks she needs. Her hands travel from his neck to his shoulders to his chest, washing him in a circular motion. She decides she needs more shampoo before she goes any lower. 

When she turns back to face him, he’s pumping himself slowly. “I’m sorry.” 

Rey gulps. “Don’t stop.” 

He shudders when her hands work against his abdominal muscles, even more-so when she reaches around to rub his back. Then she’s on her knees, working her hands up the length of his legs. 

“How long has it been since you’ve shampooed down here?” She giggles. 

“A while. Well overdue, I’d say.” 

He continues pumping himself and staring down at her. Rey is blushing, but she doesn’t feel self conscious when she finishes lathering him and sits up to kiss the tip of his cock. 

“Can I?” She whispers. He moans and nods vigorously while her mouth works around his head. Her goal isn’t to make him finish, just make him feel good. She wants to make her crazy, possessive, weirdo of a pseudo-boyfriend feel like he’s on top of the world. 

The water on his length makes it easier to bob her head up and down. He doesn’t grab her head like last time. Instead he cups her cheek, lovingly while she works him. He continues pumping himself where her lips stop and she can’t take any more without gagging. His moans get louder, more desperate, and he begs her to stop after a few minutes. 

She does. 

When she stands, he tucks his arms under her and moves her out from under the water so she can be properly washed. His ministrations start in much the same way, but he stops to kiss every inch of her body before he soaps it up. He assaults her neck with the most fervor, then each of her nipples, leaving tiny nips and marks of ownership in his wake. The underside of her breasts end up with the brunt of this. He continues kissing down her body, hands aimlessly rubbing absolutely nothing on her now that the shampoo on his hands has been spread too thin and otherwise washed away. 

He stops outside her labia and stares up at her with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “Can I?” 

She worries at her bottom lip and nods. He nips at one thigh, then the other, then presses his warm tongue between her folds. He alternates between pressing it inside her and working it onto her clit before he finally settles on laving his affections solely on that beautiful little bundle of nerves. She doesn’t dare ask him to stop—doesn’t have the same self-control he must have. She finishes, wobbling, holding onto his hair and scalp for purchase while he continues to lap at her through her orgasm. 

He kisses her sex once more (for good measure, she supposes) before rising to his feet and pulling her close to his chest. They stand, wordlessly swaying, until the hot water becomes too cold to stand anymore. 

Rey’s shivering when Kylo wraps a towel around her. Her teeth chatter when he towel dries her hair, her fingers shake when he pulls her into his still-damp chest. He lets go just long enough to run another towel over his hair a few times and dab at himself a bit, then he picks her up and makes towards her bedroom. She nips and licks and sucks and kisses at his earlobe and neck in the meantime. 

She offers no protest when he lays her on the edge of the bed. She’s thankful she bought those risers to make room for extra storage space—it makes her bed just tall enough for him to comfortably line himself up with her entrance. 

“You ready?” He asks carefully. “It’s okay if you don’t—“

“I’m ready.” 

He huffs a breath and leans over. He kisses her nose then her lips and grunts into her mouth as he starts the agonizing push inside. It’s been a while for Rey. The stretch is agonizing in the best ways, but still painful. She whimpers when he quickens himself, pushing in to the hilt in one stroke once he’s about halfway in. 

“Tight, tight, so tight,” he murmurs against her chin like a prayer. He pulls out and back in slowly and she whimpers some more. “I can stop, baby, I promise I can stop.” 

She feels her eyebrows tighten as she shakes her head. “No, just gotta get used to it.” 

“Okay, baby.” His pace levels out and he presses his lips against her neck. It makes her squirm every time he sucks breaths in through his teeth, like he’s willing himself not to blow it all immediately. 

“Feels so good,” Rey keens once the stretching becomes bearable. And she isn’t lying. Sex for physical reasons is great, but sex involving whatever fucked up, emotional, insane chemistry they’ve formed…it’s transcendental. “Oh my _God_.” 

“Kylo,” he pants with a chuckle. His face tightens again. Rey knows he’s close, doesn’t know how he’s keeping himself from exploding. “Kylo’s doing this to you.” 

“Kylo, _please_.” 

“Wanna cum again? On my cock? Yeah?” 

Rey nods and whimpers and he groans. He reaches up and squeezes a nipple before letting his hand trail down her body. His thumb presses against her clit for a few agonizing seconds, and then he actually starts to move it. 

He loses it a few seconds after Rey does, then falls over her, sweaty and panting. Their lips collide on their own accord while he pulls them both fully onto her bed, under the covers. His hair is still damp and it makes her pillow wet and she _hates_ that, but she puts up with it in fear of ruining the moment. 

Kylo pulls her flush against his chest again, one hand over her stomach and one cupping her sex. The last thing she remembers before she falls asleep is him whispering _love you, love you, love you_ like a chant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT IS NOT MY STRONG SUIT BUT I TRIED TO MAKE THIS GOOD FOR Y'ALL 
> 
> i promise shit will actually hit the fan soon kinda got caught up with how much i love this kylo and this rey lol 
> 
> love y'all. like seriously. every single one of you


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have three excuses for how late this chapter is :-) 
> 
> 1) i was house-sitting for my mom all week and it's awkward writing about stalkers in your childhood home  
2) my mom's neighbors got a DONKEY and he and i became best friends so that took up a lot of time  
3) i tried to write it a few times but it felt forced and i wanted this to be goooood
> 
> by the way, if you guys want to add me on discord, i'm klutzy#9838. pleeeaaassseee add me if you want to. i don't really have any social media and i don't mind sharing my discord if that means i get to be friends with you guys lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is the beginning of the end finally! love you guys so much btw

Rey’s head hurts. It throbs. It _pounds._

The sun is shining directly onto her face; she never bothered to close the blinds before she left for Rose’s. What was it—three days ago? She doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter. 

She scoots out of Kylo’s vise-grip around her waist. The skin of her thigh brushes against something textured and sticky on the mattress as she stirs. She frowns when she recognizes it as the last vestige of the impulsive sin she committed last night. 

Unprotected sex with her captor pseudo boyfriend neighbor whose equally delusional brother lies in wait across the hall with his captive wife. Two broken women caught in the tangled Solo web. 

“Mornin’, sweetheart,” Kylo mumbles. She glances over her shoulder. He looks peaceful, happy even, scratching the sleep from his eyes with the knuckles of each index finger. He’s naked and grinning and the sight makes her smile a bit, too. “I love you.” 

“I love you,” she promises, even though she’s just as unsure as she was…some number of hours ago. Her alarm clock is unplugged. “Can we go get my phone now?” 

“Oh. Fuck. Yeah, sorry.” Kylo stretches back and yawns. The resulting groan is loud and masculine and domineering and maybe even somewhat arousing. Not that Rey would admit something like that out loud. “Keys are still in my apartment, though. And it’s so far away.” 

Rey ignores his subtle protest by jumping off the bed. She’s too curious about what time it is to dawdle. She’s also eager to know what’s been going on in the world since she was taken. There could have been a nuclear explosion somewhere and she’d have no idea. She thinks Kylo would clue her in on something that serious, though. 

“You have the best ass,” Kylo groans as he scrambles off the bed behind her. Rey flushes lightly at the vulgar compliment, but then his hands are encircling her naked hips and he’s pulling her back to rock his length against her bum. “Gonna fuck this, too.” 

“How romantic,” Rey grumbles back, attempting to ignore the stinging heat on her cheeks. She jerks away and marches to her closet. He doesn’t stay too far behind. 

She wonders if he’ll always trail around after her, room from room, like Ben does to Kira. She’d _hate_ that. 

“When are Ben and Kira leaving?” She asks as she tugs the only t-shirt Kylo left in her closet over her head. It’s the N*SYNC Boys of Summer Tour shirt Finn bought for her at Goodwill, she realizes. She thinks Kylo would have an issue with her wearing something another man bought her, so she doesn’t regale him with the tale of this shirt’s origins. Despite the night they shared, she doesn’t trust him fully. Not yet. 

“Ben’s leaving in a week and a half. He’s using a lot of vacation time, says busy season’s coming up and he wants to be well-rested.” Kylo is eyeing her near-empty closet with curiosity. Rey almost wants to huff at him. Did he not get enough of a peek when he broke in and ‘packed’ for her indefinite stay across the hall? “And I’m not sure when Kira will go. She normally stays a little longer, lets the kids spend time with my parents. Ben doesn’t like to leave her unsupervised for long, though.” 

“She’s a grown woman,” Rey says over her shoulder. “She doesn’t need supervision.” 

Kylo shrugs. He’s watching her tug her leggings on. “She’s _his_ grown woman.” 

“That’s disgusting.” 

“No, it’s beautiful.” His voice takes on a serious tone, one that sends a shiver down her spine. “You’re mine now, too, Rey. Mine to protect and take care of…” He stops for a moment to trail a finger down her covered spine. “And if I want you supervised, you’re going to be fucking supervised.” 

Rey fights a shudder. The man she made love to last night was the lie, and the man declaring his ownership is the truth. She feels like he tricked her. She’s made a deal with the devil, and signed and initialed the dotted lines with her cunt. She wishes she could summon the energy to care more. Her sense of self-preservation, her fire, is dimmed more every day. Because maybe this is what she wants. He _loves_ her. 

Besides…if she’s incorrigible, she might not get her phone back after all. 

“Okay,” she agrees. He grunts in approval. 

Kylo is dressed and heading across the hall a few minutes later. He asks her to stay in her apartment while he gets her phone. She doesn’t mind; it’s at least mid-afternoon and Mellie is probably bouncing around his living room wreaking havoc and inadvertently hurting feelings. 

She turns on Netflix. She won’t be able to finish an episode of The Office before Kylo is back, but she likes the intros the most, anyway. So she picks a random season and waits. 

And waits. 

The next episode comes on. Rey nibbles at her bottom lip in time with the theme music. The anxiety is building. He’s most likely just chatting with Ben and Kira, explaining that he’s going to loosen Rey’s leash a bit and go to therapy like they discussed. Ben and Kira were probably just surprised by their absence this morning. There’s a lot to explain. 

She gets halfway through the second episode when the doorknob turns. Relief floods her veins. She could sob and kiss him and beg him to never leave her like that again, but she just breathes the thoughts away instead, like her social workers always begged her to. He isn’t going to leave her. He isn’t going to abandon her. He loves her. It’s okay. 

It’s not Kylo’s voice that greets her, though. It’s Ben’s. They sound similar enough, but Ben’s voice is nasally and condescending in a way Kylo could never emulate. 

“Got your phone, sweetheart,” Ben grins. He waves it in the air like a prized fish. “But we’ve also got a few ground rules first. Kylo really thinks he can trust you, but I’m still not convinced.” 

Kylo scoots in the door behind Ben. When he shuts it, he turns the lock. The implication of ‘ground rules’ and the subsequent locking of the door get Rey’s heart beating erratically again. 

“I’ve got your location on and streaming consistently to Kylo’s phone. Mine, too. This can’t be disabled without a passcode you’ll never guess in a million years.” 

Rey wants to cry. She can’t believe she thought she’d get her phone back, sight unseen, just like that. Kylo is still unhinged and Ben is the world’s worst, most sociopathic influence. 

She just nods. 

Ben continues. “I can see anything you text, any app you use, anything you search online—I’m serious. Anything. Everything. You’ll make every phone call right next to Kylo. If Kylo isn’t available and it’s an emergency, you’ll Skype me on your laptop so I can listen instead. If you fuck up even once, you won’t get your phone back. Ever again.” 

Rey’s jaw falls open as soon as Ben’s done. It takes her a few moments to work up the nerve to even _respond._ “Are you serious? Kylo, we talked about this—“ 

“I said I’d _try_, Rey. And I’m fucking trying.” Kylo’s fists clench by his sides. “I’m giving you your phone back. That’s all I agreed to.” 

“Really?” Ben snorts. “Did you really think this would go differently, Rey? That you could just bat your eyelashes and ask and everything would be okay? I’ve learned my lesson blindly trusting girls like you. My brother asked for my help dealing with you, and I won’t let him repeat my mistakes.” 

“No, I thought—“ Rey shakes her head. There’s no point in arguing. She’s feeling nauseated and needs to scroll, mindlessly, through _something._ She needs to go for a run. She needs to eat a fucking avocado. “Just give me my phone and get the fuck out of my apartment.” 

“Actually, we’re all going to get the fuck out of your apartment.” 

Ben opens the door and motions for her to follow. Kylo’s jaw is set firmly, but his eyes are trailing between Ben and Rey like he’s conflicted. 

Rey just wants her phone. She trails after them and settles into her usual corner on Kylo’s couch. 

Mellie is down for her nap in Kylo’s bedroom, and so is Kira. Ben doesn’t join them this time. He plops onto his designated armchair and smirks over at Rey when Kylo disappears into the kitchen. 

The sadistic bastard is enjoying himself, Rey thinks. He has it out for her. 

“Kylo trusts me because he knows he can,” she hisses, just quietly enough that her voice won’t carry to the kitchen. “He loves me.” 

“I love Kira,” Ben shrugs. “she still tried to leave me.” 

“I wonder why.” The words tumble from Rey’s tongue before she can stop them. 

Ben’s smug smile falls. He’s scowling now. Rey turns her head to avoid his death glare, but this is a mistake. Seconds later there are fingers tangled in her hair, yanking her head back by her scalp, and something cool and metallic is pressed against her pulse point. 

“I’ve killed a bitch for less,” Ben hisses into her ear. He flattens the blade when she starts shaking, probably worried that he’ll actually cut her. “If you ever speak to me like that again, I’ll fucking gut you. You’re just a poor imitation of my wife. Even crazy fucking Kylo could do better.” 

Her lip trembles and he scoffs, pushing her back so her body falls into the couch with much more force than necessary. Cushions shouldn’t hurt this bad. 

She lays there for a minute before Ben whisper-yells at her to get the fuck up and calm down. She obeys. 

They sit in silence until Kylo comes back. He has one toasted, browned waffle hanging out of his mouth, and another in his hand. Rey’s fingers are still trembling when he drops one into her palm. 

“You remember Jess Pava, Kylo?” Ben asks. His voice is so steady compared to when he was hissing into her ear. It’s frightening. 

Kylo nods, silently taking another bite of his breakfast. 

Ben’s face breaks into another one of his signature shit-eating grins. “Aren’t you gonna ask me how she is?” 

“How is she?” He asks through his mouthful. 

“Waterlogged.” 

Rey feels nauseated all over again when Kylo chuckles so hard he almost chokes on the food in his mouth. 

Once he calms down, Kylo glances at her over his shoulder with an unreadable expression. “Eat your breakfast, Rey.” 

She can’t. 

— 

Rey doesn’t have to wait long for Kira and Mellie to wake up. 

Really, only Mellie wakes up. She sneaks out of the bed and starts wailing when she realizes she can’t turn the doorknob on her own. Rey wishes she could laugh at the brief panic on Ben’s features while he scrambles down the hall to get to Kylo’s room. 

Except nothing really feels funny anymore. 

“I’m sorry about the phone thing,” Kylo offers once Ben is out of earshot. Rey can hear Ben comforting Mellie with songs and soothing sounds—he’s too distracted to listen in. “I didn’t want to add the keylogger. I think we’ll be able to take it off in a few months, though. Once we get married.” 

“I’m not marrying you unless you get some fucking help,” she sighs. Her tone is dejected and confused, but she means what she says. “And certainly not unless the tracker and keylogger come off my phone.” 

“The tracker never goes,” Kylo states calmly, like it’s the most rational thing in the world. “I’ll work on getting the logger off, though.” 

Rey doesn’t say anything for a while. Her brain is whirring at a million miles an hour, trying its best to make sense of what’s happened over the last week. She hates Kylo and maybe loves him, definitely needs him, definitely doesn’t want him to let her go. Devotion. She’s never had that. But she isn’t sure she’s keen on the deception that seems to go with it. 

She crosses her arms over her chest defiantly, but refuses to look up at him. “Why did you bullshit me last night?” 

“I didn’t lie to you once. I let you vent, but I didn’t agree to anything.” 

“That’s almost worse. It’s…premeditated. And then you _fucked_ me, Kylo, knowing I fell for your omission of the truth.” 

"Actually, I made love to you." Kylo shrugs. “Still didn’t bullshit you, though.” 

“I’m not marrying you.” 

Kylo gives her knee a firm squeeze. “We’ll see.” 

Ben’s making his way back now, holding Mellie to his chest like she’s his lifeline. She’s still sniffling and whining a little, but she seems to be better. 

Rey can’t believe Ben has a single comforting bone in his body. 

“Your nana’s coming to see you tomorrow, Mellie,” Kylo chirps. This rouses Mellie from her despondent state; she starts squirming and wiggling so Ben will set her down. As soon as she hits the ground, she runs in circles and squeals excitedly. 

“Nana! Nana! Nana!” 

“You’re gonna see Hanna and Hope, too. You excited?” Ben smiles down at her. 

Rey studies his expression through narrowed eyes. He’s so genuine, so happy. 

“No!” Mellie's running stops suddenly. She falls back onto her bottom and crosses her arms. “Nana!”

“I think she’s been enjoying her alone time a little bit too much,” Kylo chuckles to Ben. His hand is still on Rey’s knee, but his grip is looser. He rubs his palm in small, comforting circles. “Must be nice.” 

“Yeah, she’s soaking this up. I miss my sweet little babies, though,” Ben sighs. He leans over suddenly and tickles under Mellie’s arms until she’s kicking her legs and squealing. It’s so fucking domestic for a man that pulled a knife on her half an hour ago; the juxtaposition of his behaviors almost makes her head spin. “They’re excited to meet you, Aunt Rey.” 

“Oh?” Rey can’t help but snort. She’s Aunt Rey instead of low-rent Kira now? Interesting. She doesn’t want to piss Ben off again, though, so she rights herself almost immediately. “I’m…excited to meet them, too.” 

“They’re gonna love you.” Ben nods, like he’s satisfied enough with this answer to overlook her initial reaction. “Leia probably won’t, but don’t take it personally. She’s not Kira’s biggest fan either. Loves her boys and no one's ever gonna be good enough for them.” 

“Noted.” Rey starts nibbling at her bottom lip, but stops when she realizes how raw it is. She must have been biting into the soft, thin skin all day. Ben’s still looking at her expectantly, but she has no idea what to say. “I, uh—yeah. Excited.” 

“So eloquent.” Ben smirks. “Wherever did you find someone like her, Kylo?” 

Rey wants to bite back at him and cry all at once. She swallows both impulses. She wants to talk to Kylo again, really talk, but Ben just won’t fuck off already. 

“Why? You interested?” Kira asks. Everyone's attention jerks towards her, even Mellie's. She’s mid-yawn and stretching as Rey takes her in. Kira's hair is askew and her t-shirt is entirely too big. So are her sweatpants. 

They must be Ben’s. 

She’s still beautiful, though. Rey really does feel like a gremlin in comparison. 

Ben’s smirk falls into something almost reverent once again. It’s the same expression he wore when he was holding Mellie. He stands up to his full height and wraps Kira in a tight hug, twirling her around like he hasn’t seen her in years. She allows it for a few moments, then kicks her legs so Ben will put her down. He does so with a gentle kiss to her head. 

It’s sweet. Disgusting knowing the backstory, but sweet from a stranger’s view. Is Kylo right? Maybe this possession is a beautiful thing. Kira is loved and—

She shakes her head vehemently to get rid of that line of thinking. Kira is just as much of a captive as Rey is, even worse off at that. It doesn’t matter how much affection Ben showers her with. None of this has ever been Kira’s choice. 

She’s confused. Her head starts pounding again out of nowhere, creeping up her neck and sprawling out into the base of her skull in long, snaky tendrils of pain. She’s the one that told Kylo she needed to be possessed during her mini-nervous breakdown yesterday; it’s no wonder he’s behaving like she’s property now. She did make a choice, maybe, she at least verbally confirmed that she’s _okay_ with this and fuck if she can ever decide if she actually is. 

She’s an idiot. Is she? Probably. She thinks so. But maybe not. Kylo is offering her equivalent of the galaxy, love and acceptance and devotion, and would it really be the worst thing in the world if she’d just fucking relent? Take his hand? Even if it meant being ‘supervised’ and having a fucking tracker on her phone and not being able to text Finn, who already _has_ other friends and never needed her nearly as much as she needed him…

She must have zoned out, because next thing she knows, Kira is squatting in front of her with one hand on both knee, and Kylo is hunched over, pulling her hair out of her face with one hand and fanning her with the other. She’s hyperventilating. Ben and Mellie have disappeared completely. 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay,” Kira murmurs as she rubs up and down her thighs. “You’re safe, Rey. It’s okay. Do you have any medicine you can take? Some Xanax? Ativan?” 

Rey shakes her head. 

“Kylo, do you still take any benzos?” 

Kylo grumbles something about not saving them and Kira shakes her head. 

“It’s okay, Kylo. Don’t worry about it. We can breathe through it.” 

Rey’s actually finding it harder and harder to suck in air; she can’t imagine “breathing through" anything right now. 

“Rey, I need you to try your hardest to breathe through that pretty little nose. Can you do that for me?” 

Rey nods. She tries and tries and it must take at least thirty seconds, but she finally gets it. When she looks down, Kira is smiling softly. It’s the gentlest way she’s ever been looked at and it almost makes her cry. 

“Just keep breathing through your nose like that, sweetie. Kylo, can you go get her some water?” 

Kylo stutters out a “yes” before slipping away. Rey can tell he’s panicked and she’s almost _glad_. She hasn’t had an anxiety attack since she was half-starving in ninth grade and he’s broken her streak. 

“What’s wrong, Rey?” Kira whispers. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” 

Rey shakes her head. She can’t risk being tricked again. She can’t ever tell anyone what’s wrong, because Kylo will get in trouble and then he’ll leave her and she won’t even have the _option_ of getting the galaxy anymore. 

“It’s okay, Rey. I already know.” Kira’s face falls. There’s still comfort in her eyes, but her expression is tight.

Rey nods. Tears are streaming down her face, three, four falling from her eyes at once, but she’s only just registered the feeling of them. 

Kylo’s back in record time. She nurses her water between breaths and eventually her breathing is regular again, and her tears are falling fewer between. 

“She’s too stressed,” Kira hisses at Kylo. Maybe Ben, too. Rey heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall but didn’t have the energy to turn her head. “You need to give her a fucking break.” 

Kira stands and makes to push more hair out of Rey’s face. Rey leans forward until her forehead is resting against Kira’s stomach, and Kira takes this as an invitation to run her long fingernails across her scalp. She’s being so maternal and _good_ it makes Rey want to sob harder. Kira smells nice and she’s so warm and soft and Rey wishes, wants, desires, _needs_ for this woman to be her long-lost older sister, by some fluke in the universe. They’re cursed and they’re together and Rey thinks she loves her as much as she could possibly love someone in a platonic context. 

There are voices and murmurs around her. They’re probably all plotting and planning and Kira’s the only one coming to her defense. It doesn’t matter, though. She doesn’t care. She lets her eyes flutter completely shut and loses herself in the feeling of Kira’s gentle scratching.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drama next time
> 
> for now, have some emotionally broken characters that don't make good decisions for themselves & smut >___>

Rey hears shrieking from the living room and knows it’s time to roll out of bed. The laughter of children somehow makes for a worse wake up call than the obnoxious, blaring alarm clock on her nightstand back home. 

She takes stock of where she is and what got her here. She nearly collapsed from stress last night, and Kira protected her like a rabid yet somehow deeply maternal beast. Kira forced Kylo to sleep on the couch, then played with Rey’s hair until she was lulled into a deep sleep. Mellie and her dad shared the air mattress, since Kira refused to leave Rey’s side (lest one of the Brothers Unhinged attempt to sneak into the bedroom during the night.)

The memory is sweet enough to make Rey’s chest ache. No one has ever protected her like that before. 

Kira’s side of the bed is empty now, because Kylo’s parents are here. Kylo’s _nieces_ are here, and they’re really fucking loud. 

If he’d been able, Kylo would have woken her up in a panic two hours before his family’s scheduled arrival. She’s glad he couldn’t. Rolling out of bed at 10:43 AM will show Leia that she is, truly, a trash heap that isn’t worth the investment. Maybe she’ll talk some sense into her son accordingly. 

Rey half-heartedly shakes that thought from her head. What were her tools again? Being mindful helps with the emotional dysregulation. Except can she really blame this response on a long-latent mental illness? The fear and adrenaline coursing through her might be the most rational response she’s had yet. She _should_ be afraid. 

Rey doesn’t care if Kylo’s parents notice her slip from the bedroom to the bathroom with wildly askew hair, swollen eyes and cheeks, and half a set of pajamas on. They all seem pretty distracted, anyway, speaking in hushed tones down the hallway. She invests no energy in deciphering the whispers. 

Soon enough the showerhead is drowning out all the background noise, and Rey is free to be alone with her thoughts again. 

She bathes slowly. At first it’s a deliberate choice, but then her joints feel like she’s pulling them through molasses and it’s all she can do to work her shampoo into a proper lather. 

Rey is fairly certain that she’s too tangled in the wicked Solo web to break free anymore. Besides, the more she tries, the more stuck she becomes. Kylo wants her, he yearns for her, and she can’t get enough of the highs and lows that come with it. She’s gleefully used this fact to justify his every action. Ben will be gone in a few days, too; he rarely gets time off, so he’ll only be a biyearly annoyance at most. Probably just around the holidays. And who wants to commit homicide during the holidays? Too messy. 

A hectic work schedule means no Ben and no toddlers, but it also means no Kira, a thought which threatens to bring tears to her eyes. She doesn’t think Ben will let them foster a relationship with each other. Besides, Rey quite likes being alive, and she doesn’t want to risk doing anything to earn her the same fate as Jess Pava. 

She doesn’t bother with conditioner. It takes entirely too long to rinse out, and she’s already at risk of running out of hot water as it is. She scrubs every inch of her body meticulously, then finally steps out of the bathtub. 

There’s almost immediately a knock at the door. 

“One sec!” Rey calls, squinting to make sure she locked up. She didn’t, but surely—

_Surely nothing._

The door opens. Kylo scoots in and quietly shuts the door behind him. He looks frantic, frazzled, panicked. 

“I missed you last night, Rey. Sleeping without you is a nightmare.” 

Rey actually found the experience notably pleasant, but doesn’t voice this. 

“Kira took good care of me,” she smiles, and Kylo reluctantly nods in agreement. 

“I know, I know. Ben is so whipped he started crying when she yelled at us—“

“She yelled?” Rey blinks. That’s not a detail she recalls. “When did she yell?” 

“Oh, she yelled at us this morning.” Kylo recalls. “Said you’re a sweet girl. Told Ben he’s lucky she doesn’t castrate him.” 

“Oh my God.” Rey feels her knees buckle. She walks backwards to get away from Kylo, who is reaching to pull her into a tight hug, but she hits the wall before she’s even out of arms reach. “He’s going to kill me.” 

Kylo’s brow quirks. “Huh?” 

“_He’s going to kill me._ If he thinks I made Kira turn against him, he’s going to _fucking gut me._”

“Ben said that?”

“No. Forget it.” Rey shakes her head. “_Fuck._ I need to get dressed.” 

“Did he…did he threaten you? Is that why you freaked out?” 

Rey is almost completely naked save for her underwear. Kylo keeps crowding her, asking questions that don’t have pleasant answers. Her fists clench by her sides in frustration and apprehension. 

“Are you fucking serious? I freaked out because I’m _trapped_ here. I trusted you, I _fucked_ you, and you put a fucking tracker in my phone and let your brother start monitoring my messages.” 

He sucks in a breath to protest, but Rey cuts him off. 

“I get here, I say one off-color thing to Ben, and he pulls a fucking knife out and holds it against my throat. Starts joking about how he killed Kira’s friend to drive the point home later—you fucking _laughed_ at that!” 

Kylo doesn’t say anything. 

His face is white, and his arms are dangling loosely by his sides. Whereas he was sneaking peeks at her breasts before, he’s now staring blankly at her face, not even managing to blink. They stand like that for what feels like hours but must be around thirty seconds until they’re shocked out of their mutual reverie by another child-like squeal from the living room. 

Then Kylo releases a guttural and inhuman noise, something that can only be likened to a growl. 

“Don’t worry about Ben. I’ll handle it.” 

Rey doesn’t get a chance to protest this time; he’s gone and slamming the bathroom door so hard the foundation shakes before she can even register the full weight of his words. 

A small sliver of her hopes that Kylo will kill Ben. 

The fucker deserves it. 

The rest of her is horrified. She should have kept her mouth shut. 

Rey finishes dressing and shuffles into the bedroom. Save for the door slamming, there has been no other commotion to note. Which makes sense—Kylo isn’t going to make a scene in front of three children, his parents, and his sister in law. Even he has more self-control than that. 

No, to add to the already insurmountable stress of meeting Ben’s parents, she has the pleasure of looking forward to the horror that will unfold later tonight. 

— 

Ben and Kira took the kids swimming. They wanted to give Rey and Kylo a chance to speak with Han and Leia without competing with three young children for attention. 

Leia is surprisingly pleasant. She wraps Rey into a bear hug the moment she makes her grand entrance, hair still wet and sporting jeans and a t-shirt. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” she croons. “You’re even more beautiful in person. 

Leia is certainly unabashed about the meticulous research she does on her sons’ significant others—she shouldn’t even know what Rey looks like at this point. Rey experiences an awkward moment of eye contact with a wincing Han over Leia’s shoulder. At least he seems to have a sense of propriety. 

She pulls away from Leia with her best forced smile. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Leia,” she recites, slowly, carefully. She’s never met a boyfriend’s parents before. Is Kylo her boyfriend? That moniker makes her feel like she’s not giving him enough credit, and also that she’s giving him entirely too much. 

Han sticks his hand out for Rey to shake. He has a kind disposition, and she can tell by his eyes that he’s a good guy. 

The boys definitely have their mother’s eyes. Time will tell what that actually means. 

“Tell us about yourself,” Leia implores. Rey snorts because she can’t help it. What’s there to say that Leia doesn’t already know? 

“I’m, um. I don’t know, I’m not good at this,” she chuckles nervously. She reminds herself that if she wants to, she can just bolt. Make a real run for it. That’s a calming idea. “If you want, you can ask me things. I’ll try to sprinkle in some interesting information through lunch.” 

Leia grins at this. Rey doesn’t get the feeling that Leia despises ass kissing—and Rey isn’t particularly good at kissing ass in the first place. Rey is glad of this for the first time in her life. 

Kylo wraps his arm around Rey’s waist and pulls her into his side. She’s still upset, but his touch is electric for no reason other than that she’s an _idiot_ and she’s addicted to whatever the fuck it is that he provides her. 

“I guess I’ll start,” Kylo beams down at her. There’s no malice in his expression anymore, maybe he’s not going to eviscerate his brother after all. “Rey is really smart, really sweet. She likes to run, too. She goes for endurance instead of speed, very disciplined. Oh, and she’s a really good kisser.” 

Rey releases an indignant huff and elbows Kylo’s side. It probably hurts Rey more than it hurts him since his grin widens in response. 

“I’ll let you decide which of those details I find superfluous,” Leia mutters. She narrows her eyes over at Han. “It’s probably the only one this old man picked up on.” 

“That she goes for endurance instead of speed?” Han winks. It’s entirely inappropriate, Rey knows, but the way he says it is almost charming. Leia certainly thinks so, what with the laugh she barks out. 

“He’s just playing around, Rey,” Leia assures her. Rey nods; she gets it. Families joke. She’s seen the sitcoms. 

They all crowd around the couch in the living room. Kylo apparently already ordered pizza, mostly because the kids won’t eat anything else. Neither will Kira. She’s apparently picky and has the flavor palette of a ten year old. 

“So, how did my dorky son manage to charm a beautiful woman like you?” Han asks once they’re settled. 

It’s a valid question, one that not even Rey really knows the answer to. “Uh. Right place, right time. Plus he’s cute—not _that_ dorky.” 

“He’s never brought a girl home before,” Leia notes. “I’m glad he chose you, Rey.” 

Rey fights to keep her eyebrows from knitting together. Rey trusts Kira implicitly, especially after last night. Kira warned her about Leia; she needs to keep her guard up. 

“I appreciate you saying so, really. He’s um, he’s grown on me. There’s definitely a future here.” 

Rey doesn’t want to embarrass Kylo in front of his parents. She also just doesn’t want to fucking go anywhere. The most vocal parts of her are still begging to be worshipped, placed on the pedestal of perfection that Kylo prefers her on. Even after all of this. 

“She’s the best decision I’ve ever made.” Kylo tangles their fingers together and gives her palm a tight squeeze. She’s sure if they were alone he’d be tugging her into his lap. 

“Well, even Ben seems to approve,” Han observes; this information comes as a shock to Rey. “He’s hard to impress.”

Leia scoffs. “Ben has terrible taste in women.” She tips a wine glass Rey didn’t notice before to her lips and empties it in one gulp. No one says anything. This behavior is old hat to Kylo and Han, but Rey is stunned into silence as Leia lumbers into the kitchen, presumably for more alcohol. 

“They had a falling out a few years ago,” Han explains with a wave of his hand. “I’m sure they’ll be close again someday. In any case--Kylo mentioned that you’re thinking about going back to school. Do you know what you plan on studying?”

Rey perks up at the word ‘school.’ 

“Oh! Um, I was thinking about enrolling over at the community college. They have a Business Administration course that’s pretty low-key. I can go on nights and weekends and have a degree in a year and a half if I do summer semesters.” 

“You’re not planning on doing a four year?” 

“No, I’m not,” Rey sighs wistfully. She isn’t even that good at school, but she’s always felt a longing for the college experience. “I don’t have the funds for that, and loans are scary.” 

“Imagine money wasn’t an issue,” Han implores. “You had all of it in the world. What would you do then?” 

Rey nibbles at her bottom lip, then sighs. “I grew up in the system. I had some social workers that really helped me, saved my life, probably. I’d want to do that. I’d want to help kids like me, I’d want to help them become better than I ever could.” 

“How do you get from that to Business Administration?”

Rey cracks a smile. Sure, her dreams and her goals don’t exactly line up. Sue her. 

“By being realistic.” 

Han hums, considering this. Kylo squeezes her palm again and chuckles, and Rey can’t help but feel like she’s not privy to something important. 

Leia’s back before the conversation can be continued. 

“Where the hell is the pizza?” 

“Excuse my beautiful wife,” Han smiles. “She gets hangry. And drunk.” 

Leia rolls her eyes, but doesn’t argue. 

—

The rest of the afternoon goes pleasantly. Leia is actually kind of nice, if not slightly abrasive. Rey wants to know what Kira did to get on her bad side (if anything at all.) It’s entirely possible that the whole family is just fucking nuts. 

Eventually Leia gets a little too drunk and needs to lay down. Han’s been passed out on the armchair for almost half an hour at this point, and Kira and Ben are still out with the kids. 

Which means Rey and Kylo are as alone as they’re going to be for some time. 

She’s still mad at him for yesterday, pissed, even, but she lets him tug her into his arms, twirl her around, and carry her back to his bedroom. He drops her into his comforter and leans over her. The firmness of his body pushes her further into the plush mattress; the juxtaposition of textures is almost sensory overload. His chest is heaving. She doesn’t know if it’s from the effort of carrying her or a by-product of the protruding hardness that’s seeking purchase against her thigh. Perhaps a mixture of both.

His breath is warm when it hits her neck. It sends chills from the top of her spine to the bottom; they splinter around her ribs and into her abdomen. They have nothing on the overwhelming _need_ that starts in her core when he sucks a mark into her shoulder and runs his tongue over it with a lewd growl. 

“You’re such a good, good girl. My girl,” he pants into her shoulder. He’s grinding against her thigh through the fabric of his jeans; she’s certain it’s involuntary. “I fucking adore you, Rey.” He sucks another mark onto her, this time on the column of her throat. “Perfect girl. _Mine._”

He lifts away from her for a moment and she immediately misses the contact. His hands busy themselves tugging away at her jeans. His fingers tremble over the waistband of her panties for a number of seconds; he can’t seem to decide if he wants them on or off. She makes the decision for him by pulling him back down. She needs him, needs him more than she needs food or water or _breath_; she’s sought his love for a lifetime and she needs it, needs the physical proof immediately. 

Kylo wraps one hand around the back of her neck and uses the other to delve under the fabric covering her center. He wastes no time plunging a finger into her; she gasps and wiggles under him and he uses the opportunity to plunder her mouth with his tongue. His breath is so minty and his tongue is _so_ domineering and his plush lips are absolutely dwarfing hers. He deftly maneuvers another finger inside, and she keens the moment his thumb applies pressure to her clit. She loses it shortly after. He practically sucks the moans of her orgasm from from the back of her throat, capturing them in his mouth like they _belong_ to him. They do. She belongs to him. 

_Don’t think like that_, she chides herself. _You’re not—_

“Ah! K-Kylo!” Her train of thought derails when he falls to his knees and sucks her clit into his mouth. 

He pulls away long enough to press a kiss against her thigh and pant. His warm breaths are teasing her over-worked pussy, and she squirms despite herself. 

“I think you’ve got another one in you, baby,” Kylo huffs. He licks a firm stripe from her entrance to her clit then makes it a point to swallow loudly. “Just one more for me. _Fuck_ your pussy tastes so good.” 

He descends on her again like a man starved. Rey had no idea oral could feel this good. Perhaps she’d like more pressure on her clit, or a finger or two jammed inside, or a more focused, balanced approach from another partner, but the enthusiasm with which he _devours_ her cunt is beyond what she could have ever imagined. Her eyes alternate between clamping shut and focusing on the old, worn popcorn detailing on the ceiling as another orgasm builds between her legs. Her hands grip the plush comforter while she comes undone again. More wetness pools from her entrance than she’s ever experienced and it takes everything in her not to squeal when Kylo slurps up every drop. 

He’s up again shortly after, leaning over her and kissing her with swollen, reddened lips. She’s never been the type to enjoy the taste of herself on a man’s lips, but this is exhilarating. _Everything_. Kylo represents a number of firsts for her. 

“I love you,” he moans over her mouth. She squirms under him while he lines himself up with her slit. He works his head against her clit for a few agonizing seconds before plunging, bottoming out in her sex. The pressure is even more incredible than the first time. 

“I’m so deep, baby,” he murmurs with wide eyes. “Do you feel that?” 

“You’re—_oh_,” she keens when he hits the sweet spot. She tightens her legs around him; she never wants him to stop. “Kylo, I’ve never been this full.” 

“You’ll always be this full,” he rasps. “You’re mine, baby. Say you’re mine.” 

“I’m yours, Kylo. I’m yours forever.” She means it, she means every fucking word. She’s signing her death sentence and she fucking loves it. “Oh, _fuck._” 

He pounds into her harder, slowing only for a moment while he bends at the waist to mash their lips together. It’s so possessive she shudders and he stutters out a chain of curses when her pussy inevitably tightens that much more around him. 

“I love your cunt, Rey. So tight, like it never wants to let my cock go,” he breathes. 

Rey nods profusely. 

“I need it, Kylo. I _need_ your dick baby, holy fuck,” he thrusts harder and she moans, screams really, so loudly that she’s sure she’s woken Leia and doesn’t give a single fuck, “I don’t know how I ever lived without it.” 

His hips stutter and she grins. She knows what’s coming; doesn’t even care if she doesn’t get a third orgasm out of this as long as he never stops staring down at her like she’s the center of the fucking universe. 

“Cum for me, baby, please. _Fill me._” 

He does with a growl that's so animalistic and primal she almost thinks she imagined it until she feels his cum shooting into her in hot, strong spurts. 

Kylo collapses on her, careful not to crush her with his weight. Their lips capture each others less desperately than before, but no less passionately. The sweat beading from his hair drips onto her forehead and she feels herself quiver around his flaccid cock. He hasn’t pulled out, she never wants him to. 

“I love you so much, Kylo,” she whimpers. “I don’t know why—I don’t know, Kylo, I shouldn’t and you’re dangerous and I fucking love you.” 

He nips at her jaw and nods. 

“I am, I’m dangerous as fuck baby,” he whispers. “I’m dangerous and crazy and I worship the ground you walk on; you’re the only creature on this Earth that’s worth anything to me. Forever, baby, I swear. I own you, Rey. You’re _mine._” 

Kylo keeps the emptiness at bay. At least when he’s around she feels _something_, whether it’s good or great or bad or horrifying. She’s not kidding herself; she’s never felt full before, and between his possessiveness and _wanting_ and his throbbing, perfect cock, she might burst emotionally and physically. Even the looming threat of Ben couldn’t bring her down from the high of Kylo panting and sweating and writhing on top of her. She’s safe here, safe and protected in his arms. Safe and protected and wanted and needed and everything in-between and it's so horribly right and beautifully wrong to be possessed like this. 

Somewhere deep in the recesses of her brain, she manages to chuckle at herself. 

Rey would have given into her impulses years ago if she’d known it could feel this good. 


	16. kira solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: very abusive, controlling relationship. like the worst ever. 
> 
> if this is a trigger for you, please skip this chapter completely. you won't miss out on anything i won't add in the notes for the next one. 
> 
> this chapter gives kira's POV, how she's relating to Ben and kind of answers some questions about who she is and what she came from. it also alludes to what will happen in the next chapter. i'm sure you can guess. i'll leave it at that. 
> 
> the next chapter will be really long and might take a week or so to pull together, but it will be worth it. 
> 
> love you guys <3

Kira Solo. 

The sound of it still makes her cringe. She barely recalls the feeling of her maiden name on her tongue. 

Kira Connix was hardly a distinctive name. It’s not what you’d hear in a blockbuster movie, or even a front-paged newspaper announcement, but it was hers. The final surviving link to her mother, who refused to burden her with the legacy of a father with none to give. 

Kira hates that Hanna, Hope, and Mellie will never be afforded the same courtesy. 

Hanna is struggling with math. She’s the offspring of a man who dedicated his life to the study of physics and a woman who tried, but she can’t wrap her mind around the process of adding numbers with double digits. She’s so gentle and kind, though, and has more love to give than the other two put together.

Like her uncle. She’s the opposite of her father. 

Even still, Ben might be the most enamored by her. 

Kira still crumbles under the guilt of regretting her conception. Hanna was worth every possible struggle she’s ever endured—the isolation, the abuse, the _obsession_. Everything. 

Kira’s greatest crime? What she did to deserve a life of forced domesticity, captivity, loving and chasing three children with the constant threat of having them stripped away for a single misstep?

Going to college. Taking a major-specific course offered Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 1:50 PM. She worked in the mornings, so the other offerings wouldn’t have worked. Still, she’s sure Ben Solo would have found her anyway. He’s made it clear she belongs to him. 

And better her than another woman. She wouldn’t wish this on her worst enemy. 

“Wake up,” Ben murmurs into her hair. He can’t sleep unless she’s pressed firmly into the crook of his body; even moments of rest are perverted with possession. “I wanna spend some time with the girls today.” 

Kira nods. 

For Ben’s part, he truly does love his daughters. Unconditionally. 

He could make some improvements on how he treats the self-proclaimed ‘love of his life,’ but he’s good to the kids. That’s all that matters. If he wasn’t, she’d kill him herself. 

“I’m not feeling well,” Kira lies. “Why don’t you take them down to the mall? There’s a carousel in the food court. Mellie’s going through her pony stage, I think she’d flip for that.” 

Ben chuckles and pulls her more tightly against him. 

“But will you still be here when I get back, my beautiful wife?” 

The million dollar question. Even she never knows. 

“I don’t want to leave you, Ben. I love you.” 

Three lies in five minutes, and even that doesn’t begin to touch her record. 

“You know, I think I’m starting to trust you,” he whispers. His hands travel from her hip to settle on her chest. “I wish our hearts could beat in time, Kira. I wish I could make them. You’d be perfect then.” 

It feels like a threat and Kira is overwhelmed with panic. She’s glad when he withdraws his hand and rolls to the other side of the air mattress.

“I hope you feel better, Kira,” he says, almost tauntingly. He’s giving her an opportunity to prove herself. He’ll know everything she does. “I’ll take the girls. It’s been a while since they’ve had a daddy-daughter date, anyway.”

Fuck his daddy-daughter date. All Kira cares about is getting to Rey again. 

“I think I’ll give Kylo and Rey some money to get out of the house, too. Then you can just focus on getting better.”

She doesn’t react. This is another test; Ben is hardly transparent. 

“That would be fine,” she lies, again. Up to four for the day now. “I would actually appreciate some alone time.” 

…And five. 

“You’ll text me every twenty minutes?” Ben asks. He leans over, presumably to scan her face for any signs of deception. 

“Yes, baby, of course. I know you worry.” She flips onto her back and fakes a frown. “I worry about you, too.” 

“I love you, Kira.” He sighs. “Everything I do, it’s all for you.”

“I know.”

—

Ben and the kids don’t leave for another hour. It’s hell on Earth getting Hope out of her footed pajamas—she saw some on a new Disney Channel show and has been obsessed ever since. And since Ben can’t help but enable his children’s fixations, she has a set in literally every color. 

Kylo and his sweet, beautiful girlfriend are getting ready for a date of their own. 

Rey is…different. She’s codependent as hell, Kira’s gathered that much about her. And she wants to protect Kylo. Anyone else would have run to the police immediately. Rey’s empathy is going to be her downfall the same way Hanna was Kira’s. 

But Kylo needs empathy. He needs understanding and patience and everything in-between. Without Ben’s influence, direct or indirect, he might even be a fantastic partner. 

Kylo has always wanted to be Ben. Ben walked first, Ben talked first, Ben was smarter and better and made friends more easily. Kylo was sensitive and introspective; caught in the turmoil of his own emotions and instability and rendered unable to achieve any semblance of success as a result of it. 

They’re enemies, but they can scratch each other’s backs. And Ben really owes Kylo for keeping his mouth shut about Kira; helping him keep the neighbor girl captive is really the least Ben can do. 

It makes Kira feel sick. 

At some point, fate intervenes in the form of Kylo being called into the apartment office. 

That might give Kira thirty minutes. Enough to check in. 

“Rey,” she smiles. The girl is curled into herself on the couch, staring at the door like she doesn’t know what else to do. Saving Kylo seems to be her singular focus, even though Kira isn’t sure what Rey wants to save him from. “Are you feeling better today?” 

Rey looks up at her through wide, hazel eyes. She’s so innocent, Kira thinks. She deserves better than this, but she’ll never care enough about herself to do anything about it. 

“I’m feeling much better,” Rey responds. Kira almost believes her. 

“What happened the other day, if you don’t mind me asking? Did Kylo say something?” 

Rey shakes her head. Her eyes shoot towards the kitchen, to the hallway, to the television currently displaying a staticky screen. Kira manages to read through the lines. 

“Did _Ben_ say something?” 

Rey nods. 

“Is he—is he violent with you?” Rey whispers. 

Kira fights the urge to recoil and shakes her head. 

No, Ben is not violent with her. She wishes he was. It would hurt less. 

“He threatened me. I told Kylo, I think—I think Kylo’s upset about it, but he’s waiting for you and the kids to leave to confront him.” Rey finally trusts Kira. It's apparent. 

Kira still isn’t sure if it’s a good idea.

Maybe she should make herself vulnerable to Rey, too. Just to level the playing field a bit. They're allies, even though they'll only ever act on that in fleeting moments like this one. 

“Do you want to know why Leia hates me? The real reason?” 

Rey looks like she’s considering saying no, maybe to respect Kira’s privacy. But Kira doesn’t have privacy. 

“I broke down one day. I told her the truth—I told her how things really are. That…children…were forced on me, that Ben obsessively monitors my location on one screen at work, that I’m afraid of him.” 

Rey sucks her bottom lip between her teeth, but doesn’t say anything, so Kira continues. 

“She said I was a liar. Ben married me without a prenup, and I’ve been biding my time, building my story to take him down. And I’ve been trying to get out of this relationship for years, she’s tired of picking Ben up every time I betray him.” 

Rey gasps, whimpers. She knows how it is. 

“It’s not like that with Kylo, is it? You care for him?” 

Rey nods. 

It’s toxic. It’s unhealthy. Kira needs to say something.

But she’s in awe of Rey’s ability to care for her captor. It would have been so much easier for Kira if she could have ever loved Ben, have ever even begun to, but she was repulsed by him from the moment they met. She could see right through him, probably the first person he’d ever met that could, and that sealed her fate. She was his greatest conquest from the moment she’d told him no. 

So instead of lecturing Rey, she just whispers, “tell me about it.”

“I thought he was creepy,” Rey starts, and Kira almost chuckles. Yeah, that’s how Kylo comes off, alright. “And then I felt kind of bad for him—I couldn’t tell if he was lonely or what. But one night I came over and we kissed, and it was…”

Kira sighs, wistfully. She’s never felt anything kissing Ben. 

Rey seems to find her train of thought again. “…transcendental. He’s…he’s too much for me, Kira, but he’s not enough at the same time. And there’s something in me that’s fulfilled by him, some horrid itch I’ve never been able to scratch. I just want him to get help, that’s all. We can work through everything else together.” 

Kira wonders if her Kylo is out there somewhere. A presence that might make faults and hardship worth it, someone worth fighting _for_ instead of against. 

Rey seems to read her mind. “Do you love Ben?” 

“No, Rey. I love my children.” 

Rey nods, as if she understands; as if she _could_ understand what it’s like. Kira wants to crumble but she won’t. She’s resigned herself to her fate and it’s alright. 

Or is it? If Rey can fall in love with Kylo, someone could fall in love with Kira. Real Kira, damaged Kira, hurt Kira, the Kira that might emerge like a phoenix from the ashes of nearly a decade of trauma and abuse. 

But Ben would find her. He would find her, he’d kill this fantasy of a man, and he’d take her home again. The children would be so confused. 

Fantasy is stupid, because reality always bleeds through. 

“He told me he’d gut me. He told me he’d gut me, and then he told me that some girl with a weird last name…Pava?…was waterlogged, so I’d know he was telling the truth.” 

Kira’s chest twists. 

Rey just laid down the trump card.

She has no idea. 

Kira’s had her suspicions about Jess’s disappearance for years. Jess convinced Kira that it would be okay to lose Hanna, to give her up to her father and move on with her life completely. Run away if she had to. Kira moved into Jess’s spare bedroom for the first few weeks of the pregnancy. They never discussed the baby as anything but some abstract, imminent phenomenon that would never be thought about again once it finished incubating. 

But Jess had some issues of her own. And eventually she had to run away, too. 

Kira couldn’t stay. She was forced directly into Ben’s arms. And there was no helping her at all after that. 

Ben killed Jess. She wants to be hurt or surprised, but all she can do is nod like she’s known that her whole life. Like it’s as much of a fact as the sky being blue and the grass being green and Ben Solo being dangerous. 

She switches back to maternal mode. 

“Kylo would kill him,” Kira says. “Ben won’t hurt you. Kylo…he has his faults, Rey, and they’re toxic faults. Bad faults. But if you love him, you might be able to help him through, Rey. Just remember to always love yourself more.”

“That’s the problem, Kira,” Rey murmurs. “I will never love myself at all.” 

There’s nothing left to say. 

Kira already knows. 

Rey puts on a nature documentary, and Kira is left to wonder why she likes them so much. 

When Kylo gets back, Rey seems to light up again. When Kira feels a dip in the couch beside her, she realizes Rey and Kylo have collapsed into it together, Rey perched comfortably in his lap. 

It almost disgusts her. 

Kylo is intrinsically distinct from Ben, but it’s hard not to recognize _Ben_ in the way Kylo looks at Rey. Like he might absolutely crumble if she wasn’t there to hold him up, like she’s the missing piece he’s been looking for his entire life. Except Rey looks at him the exact same way. There’s a hint of defeat in Rey’s gaze, though. Like she lost an internal battle to get to this point, and even though she’s glad to have ended up here, she still feels like she failed. 

Kira’s gaze only holds failure. Even when locks eyes with her own reflection. 

She’s tired of failing. 

Kira’s going to take the kids, one day. She’s going to go. She’s going to hide and she’s going to live and she’s going to go back to school, finish her degree, get to where she needs to be. 

There’s a hint of an anxiety attack bubbling. She breathes it away. 

She’s going to leave one day. And then it will be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> pleeeease let me know what you think <3


End file.
